Sexual or romantic signalling

[mori child]

A friend once told me that I "give off a zero" -- that I do not emit any romantic or sexual vibes. I think about this every so often.

 

I'm not even sure if I believe that romantic signalling is real (*beep boop zap, please date me!*), but it would explain some things. Not only have I never had a crush on anyone, but no one has ever told me they've had a crush on me. Sometimes I think, "What, am I undesirable?" But perhaps I just don't register on other people's radars. On the other hand, it seems that some aro people have been the objects of romantic affection.

 

What do you think? Do people give off sexual or romantic cues that they aren't necessarily aware of? If so, do you think it's more along the lines of "subtleties of body language, verbal language, and dress" or "biological/pheromonal signals?"

[vega57]

9 minutes ago, mori child said:

A friend once told me that I "give off a zero" -- that I do not emit any romantic or sexual vibes. I think about this every so often.

 

I'm not even sure if I believe that romantic signalling is real (*beep boop zap, please date me!*), but it would explain some things. Not only have I never had a crush on anyone, but no one has ever told me they've had a crush on me. Sometimes I think, "What, am I undesirable?" But perhaps I just don't register on other people's radars. On the other hand, it seems that some aro people have been the objects of romantic affection.

 

What do you think? Do people give off sexual or romantic cues that they aren't necessarily aware of? If so, do you think it's more along the lines of "subtleties of body language, verbal language, and dress" or "biological/pheromonal signals?"

Whoa.  Tough subject.

 

I think that some people can give off "cues" unconsciously, while others are very conscious of their actions.  A heterosexual woman twirling her hair with her fingers, tilting her head and smiling could be a 'cue' for some, and her actions could mean that she's flirting.  Meanwhile, the woman might be twirling her hair because it's a habit that has nothing to do with sex. 

 

Body language is huge when it comes to sex, attraction, interest and the like.   A woman who stands with their arms folded across her chest could mean that she is 'unapproachable', while to others it could mean that she's 'protecting her assets (breasts)' until she knows you better.

 

Or, it could mean that she's pissed off. 

 

There are many books about body language.  Get some (even at the library) and see what you're doing or NOT doing, lol! 

 

 

[Homer]

I am of the opinion that this whole "vibe" thing is utter bollocks. However there might be some actions that one takes or some phrases one might use, perhaps unconsciously, that may trigger someone's "radar". A lot of terms can have colloquial uses, or a group of people can have some "insider vocabulary" other people aren't aware of, or 598 other things.

 

You might want to check out the ace moments thread, which is full of missed hints or clues or knowledge about 'alternative meanings'.

[Plectrophenax]

1 hour ago, mori child said:

A friend once told me that I "give off a zero" -- that I do not emit any romantic or sexual vibes.

Sounds ideal, if you ask me

 

1 hour ago, mori child said:

I'm not even sure if I believe that romantic signalling is real (*beep boop zap, please date me!*), but it would explain some things. Not only have I never had a crush on anyone, but no one has ever told me they've had a crush on me. Sometimes I think, "What, am I undesirable?" But perhaps I just don't register on other people's radars. On the other hand, it seems that some aro people have been the objects of romantic affection.

In spite of me not only never engaging in what I would consider flirting or conscious romantic/sexual signalling, barely ever frequenting places (like bars) where such behaviour is more likely to be expected than in other places, not attempting to make myself look particularly appealing, and sometimes also actively avoiding things like asking people of my age-group for directions for fear of giving the wrong impression, I have still had a surprising number of people think that I was giving off cues of sexual interest.

In most cases, it was because I showed interest when talking or listening to or consideration when enaging with them (like offering a seat or the like), regardless of our degree of familarity. And while such instances are fairly disheartening - because I really don't want to stop doing these thing just because some people sometimes might get the wrong idea - at least I can see where they are coming from.

 

So far, I have not made any experiences regarding more indirect, non-verbal cues, perhaps because I myself never notice any (or, at least, don't interpret them as cues).

 

1 hour ago, mori child said:

What do you think? Do people give off sexual or romantic cues that they aren't necessarily aware of? If so, do you think it's more along the lines of "subtleties of body language, verbal language, and dress" or "biological/pheromonal signals?"

As much as I personally dislike the notion, I think it's almost certainly the case that there is a biological element to these subtleties. After all, it's not as though sexual and even romantic interactions are purely driven and incited by deliberate rational considerations - there is quite a degree of instinct, attraction, drive and the like involved, things that are deeply personal but in a very tangible sense beyond our control (or so it seems).

 

Of course, plenty of people claim that there is a universally understood non-verbal language that is less deeply-rooted than that - mostly cultural things like wearing certain clothes - but since I myself don't think such a thing truly works without first being taught, I reject that idea. I much prefer text to sub-text when it comes to human interactions.

[LeChat]

14 hours ago, mori child said:

What do you think? Do people give off sexual or romantic cues that they aren't necessarily aware of? If so, do you think it's more along the lines of "subtleties of body language, verbal language, and dress" or "biological/pheromonal signals?"

There's been scientific research about this. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2739403/

 

Now that I think about it, basically, the only times males showed interest in me, enough to talk to me, were when I decided to dress up (i.e. wear nice, professional-looking clothes) or when I was wearing bright, colorful tank tops or spaghetti straps in the summer. Otherwise, whenever I would wear my usual t-shirts or athletic clothes (in muted colors), no one would ever approach me.

 

When I didn't have an interest in trying to look "pretty," a couple of strangers did comment to their friends that they thought I might be a lesbian or male. So, I feel the scientific studies are correct.

 

So, for me, I guess, when I try to "dress up" and look "pretty," in a stereotypical way of dress for females, I give off a sexual (I.e. heterosexual) vibe to other heterosexual males, (who then feel attracted to me). But when I don't, they're not attracted to me and assume I'm a lesbian or male, and wouldn't be attracted to them. 

 

I don't like it when males only look at me as a "piece of meat" for them, based on how "pretty" or "attractive" I make my body appear, by wearing more "feminine," colorful clothes.

 

Ugh. Coming across these topics about the difficulties of sexual dating, I've never felt more happy about being asexual than I am, now, not having to deal with any of those hassles in my life. If I were heterosexual, trying to look for a sexual partner, I think I'd feel even more frustrated and upset about only coming across males who were only interested in me based on how "pretty" I looked and dressed, feeling that's the only way to get someone to be interested in me.

 

Thanks for the topic, though! It reminded me that being heterosexual isn't always a good, positive experience for women, because they have to deal with attracting men who are only attracted to them due to their body or "feminine" way of dressing. For the first time, since I was a pre-teen, I actually feel glad that I'm asexual, not heterosexual, and don't have to deal with that as much as them!