Kel777 Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 I have recently realised something about myself that I am asexual or more Demi-sexual, I told my mate she laughed and took the Micky because I apparently can't be asexual like her sister, asexuals apparently have to hate sex and not be able to be in a relationship. Which I am and only be intimate to please the other half often I find it boring and pointless. I only talk to her about how great things and sex is because I thought it what she wanted to hear, yeah time to time is nice but can easily live without. Apparently sexual desire and attraction are the same thing too. Yes I can be filthy and open minded and such but still it means nothing to me. Over the years I got interested in the intimate thing to as a curious thing and at time to force myself to please people and to force myself to have feelings which 'normal' people and society seem to obsess with and by not having such desires for anyone I felt like a freak. I thought I was sure who I was now, but friend has made me question myself again and feel like a freak of nature. I only did the things I did to be part of society. I am extremely confused and lost. Link to post Share on other sites
Member5732 Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 9 minutes ago, Kel777 said: asexuals apparently have to hate sex and not be able to be in a relationship It's a wrong belief. Asexuals can like or dislike the idea of sex or sex itself. And asexuals can be in relationships. There are Asexuals who are sex-repulsive but there are also asexuals who are okay with sex and/or have sex sometimes for some purposes like keeping the partner happy etc Link to post Share on other sites
Member5732 Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 And now, let me welcome you to the AVEN. Have a cake! We are here together and you can be whoever you are or want to be. Be friends. Link to post Share on other sites
BecauseShakespeareSaidSo Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 Dear Kell777, I am sorry for your friend´s reaction. That´s kind of a really asshole-ish thing to do. Because 1) you know how you feel and see things, not other people. So, they do not get to judge any part of your life, especially if you were just giving out information. However, people tend to judge and be assholes. Just see your friend´s reaction like this: She took what she knew of her sister, regarded your situation, thinking what you did was different, therefore you cannot be asexual/demi. All in the space of seconds. She neglected that asexuality is more of a scale. You are not always only on one point of the scale and neither of the points is absolute. During the course of your life, you are likely to move a bit in both directions until you either find a center or not. Like an electron swings around its position. 2) Red_purple-sugardaddy´s assessment is right. Asexuality is more often than not connected to the lack of attraction towards people in general, not sex. If you do not feel the appeal of other people, it just doesn´t really make sense to get hot and heavy with them. There is all sorts of asexuals: you can have a libido and masturbate or not, you can have sex or not, you can strongly dislike sex and everything sexual or not. There is also the thing where you can be aromantic (you do not want a relationship) or romantic (where you do). You can like everything you want. Social pressure like "going with the flow" is a reason for a part of asexual people to try sex out, but some just don´t. And it does just not click one day and you know you´re A. Everyone has to find out these things about themselves. Hindsight therefore is always a bit tricky. Link to post Share on other sites
TheAP Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 Hello there, and welcome to AVEN! As part of my welcome to you, I'd like to point out some important threads that might be helpful in your first few days here. The Terms of Service is here. We recommend you read it over, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send either myself or any other administrator or moderator (the "admod" team, as we're called) a message. Also, there's a handy forum called Site Info, which has some useful information including a thread outlining who moderates which forum. If you ever need something done in or have questions about a specific forum, please message the mod of that forum. And if you have problems with the site in general, or any single member, please message any admod. The following are also nifty links to take a look at: Welcome Lounge Mini Manual | Welcoming 101 | Quick Guide to the Forums | Asexuality FAQ's Again, welcome to AVEN and I hope your stay is everything you hoped! Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 Welcome to AVEN! Ignore your friend, she's probably just uneducated on the asexual community and doesn't fully understand the concept, thus she is assuming that all asexuals are like her one asexual friend because that's the experience she's had with asexuality. While it was rude of her to dismiss your asexuality, it comes from a misunderstanding, so if you explain it to her in more detail she may be more receptive towards how you feel. Have some delicious cake to help you feel better! Link to post Share on other sites
Kel777 Posted September 21, 2017 Author Share Posted September 21, 2017 Thank you so much for the replying am feeling better about it all, and I LOVE the cakes mmmmmmm Link to post Share on other sites
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