Hello, I'm very lost...

[Jillian1156]

57 minutes ago, Caphyra said:

Your writing is wonderful. You should see my Russian.

Thanks) That's very kind of you. Can you write something in Russian?

[Guest]

7 minutes ago, Jillian1156 said:

Thanks) That's very kind of you. Can you write something in Russian?

Not without the help of Google 

[Jillian1156]

Just now, Caphyra said:

Not without the help of Google 

My expirience shows that translating from English to Russian via google is not a good idea, although we, professional translators, love it all the same

[Lichley]

1 hour ago, Jillian1156 said:

My expirience shows that translating from English to Russian via google is not a good idea, although we, professional translators, love it all the same

Google translate is the holy grail to all language students. Show me the translation oh great one.

[Midnight Spiral]

21 hours ago, Jillian1156 said:

Do you play any instrument or you tried computer made music? I've treated composing as something i could learn with practice, but realized that it just doesn't work this way. My academic knowledge of music is of little help when it comes to making music. I met some musicians who told me that you can write even when you don't play any instruments at all. It's perception of sounds that is crucial, not the knowledge of harmony and composition (but of course together it may work even better). So i just stopped attempts to sit down and write music on purpose, now i let it go, and when I have some emotions that are needed to be expressed, music appears from thin air or something.  I think you have somewhat similar relationships with your words, it is also music of a kind. 

I’ve tried instruments and computer made music.  I tried the clarinet back in school, but I have rather small hands and that made it too difficult to play as I couldn’t stretch my fingers to some of the holes.  I’ve tried a bit of guitar, but practice doesn’t feel natural to me when it has been repeating simple things instead of expressing myself with creating my own compositions.  I thought I’d give composing music in computer programs a try but it has all come out horrible and doesn’t feel natural at all.  My writing started off pretty bad, but I grasped it much more quickly with the help of research and analyzing stories I liked in addition to it feeling like the most natural outlet for some of my emotions.   For some reason I just haven’t been able to do that with music, which is too bad because I love listening to music.  Perhaps I’ll try again and approach it in a similar way that you described and try to focus on being more expressive with it and letting go.  I would agree my relationship with words has many similarities to yours with music, I sit down and write when I feel the need to and something seems to be created out of nothing, a blank page becomes a story.

I enjoy drawing as well, but it isn’t always as emotionally satisfying as writing has been for me.  Still very satisfying at times, I wish the satisfaction was more consistent.

21 hours ago, Jillian1156 said:

Acceptance of one's nature is important to live in piece and harmony with yourself, which is a key to self developement. I also try to see some positive perspectives and opportunities in such situation. I may be not able to maintain romantic relationships, but instead I have all the time in the world to enrich my personality, pursue something that is close to me like music. Although destructive thoughts of loneliness and deficiency sometimes manage to slip into my mind, I hope I'll meet a person who will help me to chase them away.  

I agree with the statement about the acceptance of one’s own nature.  Recently when attempting to understand what parts of myself to accept and change I ask rather or not it’s a simple imperfection that’s part of who I am or something that’s making me suffer.  Things that make me suffer need to be changed, they may not be changed so completely that they go away, but I try to at least make them harmless imperfections.  Before that I just tried to change anything that didn’t satisfy the way I wanted to be and it was unhealthy.

In regards to figuring out and accepting my sexuality, after talking about contact repulsion I’m starting to think I’m having trouble deciding if I want to identify as asexual or not because I wonder if my lack of sexual/romantic attraction comes from my repulsion to sexual and romantic contact or if my repulsion comes from how I experience asexuality. Perhaps I’ll start a separate thread going into more detail about that. 

The world is full of so many people there has to be one that’ll make a good close friend, it might not be easy to find one unfortunately.  The mind will often always find a way to create destructive or negative thoughts no matter how good a person’s life situation is, managing and letting go of them in a healthy way is a key to happiness.  When I have negative thoughts I focus on how they won’t stay forever and then I’m able to move forward, but sometimes it can take a long time if it's an especially terrible thought.  Enriching oneself and pursuing valued hobbies is always important and satisfying.  In my opinion, without those things a person doesn't have much to offer in any kind of relationship.  People that lack a personality don't make for good relationship partners, both romantic and not.

21 hours ago, Jillian1156 said:

I think I got one of the possible reasons why it's so hard for many to recognize and accept others' asexuality. Because even the existence of asexuals makes people question their own views and conceptions, or something like that, may be I expressed the idea in a wrong way) 

I think you expressed the idea in the way you wanted it to come across.  It feels strange to people when other people don’t feel the same way about something that is very important to them.  Sometimes it makes them question if they are wrong for viewing something as so important and that makes them feel uncomfortable.  Sexuality is viewed as such a vital part of human existence and development as a person the thought of not experiencing it just doesn’t make sense to some people.  Overall I think there are many reasons people may not accept the existence of asexuality.

[CirrusClouds]

@Midnight Spiral @Jillian1156 What programs do you use to create computer music. I use to play keyboard and saxophone many years ago. I tried picking the keyboard up again, but just sort of peated out, even though I did enjoy playing it.

 

18 minutes ago, Midnight Spiral said:

The mind will often always find a way to create destructive or negative thoughts no matter how good a person’s life situation is, managing and letting go of them in a healthy way is a key to happiness. 

I don't follow. My mind has no natural inclination to creating destructing or negative thoughts. However I use to believe something like that, I just stopped judging my thoughts and just focused on feeling good. More often than not, I can always feel good in any given moment.

 

 

22 minutes ago, Midnight Spiral said:

21 hours ago, Jillian1156 said:

I think I got one of the possible reasons why it's so hard for many to recognize and accept others' asexuality. Because even the existence of asexuals makes people question their own views and conceptions, or something like that, may be I expressed the idea in a wrong way) 

I think you expressed the idea in the way you wanted it to come across.  It feels strange to people when other people don’t feel the same way about something that is very important to them.  Sometimes it makes them question if they are wrong for viewing something as so important and that makes them feel uncomfortable.  Sexuality is viewed as such a vital part of human existence and development as a person the thought of not experiencing it just doesn’t make sense to some people.  Overall I think there are many reasons people may not accept the existence of asexuality.

Ditto this. The whole "heteronormativity" thing.

[Midnight Spiral]

15 minutes ago, CirrusClouds said:

What programs do you use to create computer music. I use to play keyboard and saxophone many years ago. I tried picking the keyboard up again, but just sort of peated out, even though I did enjoy playing it.

I did a limited time trail for a program called FL studio and the program seems solid.  Otherwise I've used simple piano sheet programs that I've found available for free, I think one of them was called Anvil studio.

 

15 minutes ago, CirrusClouds said:

I don't follow. My mind has no natural inclination to creating destructing or negative thoughts. However I use to believe something like that, I just stopped judging my thoughts and just focused on feeling good. More often than not, I can always feel good in any given moment.

I suppose a better way to put it is there is always a way to think of something negative no matter how good a person's life is.  But a lot of the time those negative things are only negative because of the way the person is thinking about it, not because it is actually negative.  Thoughts like "if only I had this thing I didn't have, then I'd be happy"  or "If only i was  better person i could like myself" as examples I guess.  I used have a high inclination to having negative thoughts, but I figured out why I used to think that way and changed myself for the better as well as I could.  Now I generally don't judge my thoughts very often anymore, just observe them and think about them if something is bothering me.

 

[CirrusClouds]

1 minute ago, Midnight Spiral said:

I suppose a better way to put it is there is always a way to think of something negative no matter how good a person's life is.  But a lot of the time those negative things are only negative because of the way the person is thinking about it, not because it is actually negative.  Thoughts like "if only I had this thing I didn't have, then I'd be happy"  or "If only i was  better person i could like myself" as examples I guess.  I used have a high inclination to having negative thoughts, but I figured out why I used to think that way and changed myself for the better as well as I could.  Now I generally don't judge my thoughts very often anymore, just observe them and think about them if something is bothering me.

Now, I just feel like I keep trying to catch you out.

[Midnight Spiral]

2 minutes ago, CirrusClouds said:

Now, I just feel like I keep trying to catch you out.

Catch me out?  What do you mean?  I have a general idea what that might mean, but what do you mean specifically?

[CirrusClouds]

@Midnight Spiral I guess it is because of the things I've been picking out: When you called yourself a "souless monster" and now the whole general statement of the mind. I am starting to feel like I just waiting for you to say something negative just so I can say, no you're not or no that's not true

[Midnight Spiral]

5 minutes ago, CirrusClouds said:

@Midnight Spiral I guess it is because of the things I've been picking out: When you called yourself a "souless monster" and now the whole general statement of the mind. I am starting to feel like I just waiting for you to say something negative just so I can say, no you're not or no that's not true

It's good to discourage someone from being negative, haha.  People need to be positive!  I like it when people oppose what I say or point out the way i said something because it makes me think about it more and in a different way.

[Jillian1156]

1 hour ago, CirrusClouds said:

What programs do you use to create computer music. I use to play keyboard and saxophone many years ago. I tried picking the keyboard up again, but just sort of peated out, even though I did enjoy playing it.

I've used Cubase 8 at first, but then i switched to a more interface-friendly and less resource-consuming Reaper. And also some of my vst: Serum, NI Massive, Pianissimo etc. I'm not professional at electronic music, more used to traditional handwriting in my sheetbook. So i just learn to use all these stuff. Moreover it requires expensive hardware, so i only use it as a support for now.