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Struggling and New To This


runawaygirl03

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Hi, 

 

I'm new to this and I've been struggling with my sexuality since I was 12 years old and I'm currently 21. I never knew where I belonged and growing up in a very catholic house I used not wanting sex as "waiting for marriage" when I had no desire for it. Now, I was 12 and it's normal to not want that. When I went through high school I noticed that I wasn't interested in it. I didn't have the desire to kiss anyone or relationships etc. The problem is yes, I do have feelings and I do connect with people on a deeper level and want their attention like cuddling or holding his hand but never want the passion of kissing or sleeping with him. Now that I've turned 21 and when you sit with the girls talking they all talk about their sex lives and I've found myself lying. I've lied multiple times saying "Yeah, i've slept with 8 people, fooled around with some other guys" and I feel so ashamed to say age 21 I'm a virgin because I don't want it at all and don't want to sleep with someone just to say I did it. 

 

The scary part about it all is I hear people talking about asexual people and they say things like "they'll be forever alone", "no one will love them if they don't put out", "he'll just cheat on you if you don't give in". Hearing those things have pulled me away from dating. I've dated a few guys, and I've connected with some of them but when I never desired the kissing or sex I wondered "maybe I'm going for the wrong sex?" I then kissed a girl and you know what.. I felt 0 desire for it. I don't find the same sex attractive in the sense of the desire to sleep with them or have them. I do lean to the opposite sex more. I'm just super confused and I hope I'm not alone.

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Hi, and welcome. It is a tradition to give you a piece of :cake:. I will let the moderator give you the bigger slice.

 

As for your story and confusion, you can rest assured you are not alone. I did a bit of digging, having recently seen a YouTube video by the Toronto ACE group and found this email. Drop them a line and see what local events are happening. ace.toronto.general@gmail.com. There is also a forum here on AVEN for those living in Toronto area http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/93218-toronto-meetup/?page=8

Otherwise, I suggest you keep navigating the topics and discussions on AVEN and you will quickly find lots of resources and people who are welcoming and feeling the same as you. You can also click the chat icon down at the bottom right of this screen to see who is kicking around real time. Just make sure to read the SOPs 

 

 

 

 

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Hey there!

I'm almost 20 and was also raised Catholic (although I am agnostic), I had always assumed that waiting until marriage was just a smarter idea and that sex would only be for procreating. Then I realized that no one else thought about sex that way, and that attraction was completely alien to me.

 

So to clarify a few things: being asexual doesn't necessarily mean that you don't want a romantic relationship, nor does it imply you can't enjoy cuddling. It's a difficult thing to consider, that many people who aren't ace would find difficulty being in a relationship with someone who is. Some aces choose to have sex with their partners anyway, and if it works for your relationship and doesn't distress you then it can be a good option. Otherwise, you may have to try and find an ace guy (maybe on this site!) or just have a lot of deep friendships for your companionship.

 

If you are ace and still think you would enjoy a romantic relationship with someone of the opposite sex, then you could be described as "heteroromantic asexual" in the terminology we've forged. Sex should not be a mandatory component of a relationship, and not being in a relationship doesn't mean you'll die alone so long as you're not a hermit.

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(|) (|)

 

I've read this all in the dark... Night Vision's a blessing... And to tell the truth, it's completely normal to still be a virgin. Hell, you're looking at 2 years your elder OP... Who happens to never once get laided nor feels a need to unless it's under certain circumstances , which I'm not going to go into too much detail on since I'm going away from that rabbit hole...

 

1 hour ago, runawaygirl03 said:

The scary part about it all is I hear people talking about asexual people and they say things like "they'll be forever alone", "no one will love them if they don't put out", "he'll just cheat on you if you don't give in". Hearing those things have pulled me away from dating. I've dated a few guys, and I've connected with some of them but when I never desired the kissing or sex I wondered "maybe I'm going for the wrong sex?" I then kissed a girl and you know what.. I felt 0 desire for it. I don't find the same sex attractive in the sense of the desire to sleep with them or have them. I do lean to the opposite sex more. I'm just super confused and I hope I'm not alone.

Hmm.... I feel these links I keep on me for this situations of self-doubt are going to help you out in the end to better understand theeself... Hope I helped OP... ;)

 

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/119238-a-list-of-romantic-orientations/?tab=comments#comment-1061240762

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/123256-asexuality-sexual-orientation-lexicon-read-me/

http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/135-you-might-be-aro-if/

 

Also, I hear you on the above ... ^ And it makes me sad people said that to you...

 

*Hugs*

 

Know that you are not broken, my new friend... You were NEVER broken to begin with... YOU ARE YOURSELF. Don't let others make you feel ashamed to be yourself... Trust me on that.... It does you more harm than good to think you're broken when you're not.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Welcome! 

1 hour ago, Caphyra said:

Hi, and welcome. It is a tradition to give you a piece of :cake:. I will let the moderator give you the bigger slice.

I can do that! 

rainbow+wedding+cake+7.jpg

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Hello there, and welcome to AVEN! :cake:

As part of my welcome to you, I'd like to point out some important threads that might be helpful in your first few days here. :) The Terms of Service is here. We recommend you read it over, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send either myself or any other administrator or moderator (the "admod" team, as we're called) a message.  Also, there's a handy forum called Site Info, which has some useful information including a thread outlining who moderates which forum. If you ever need something done in or have questions about a specific forum, please message the mod of that forum. And if you have problems with the site in general, or any single member, please message any admod. 

The following are also nifty links to take a look at:  Welcome Lounge Mini Manual | Welcoming 101 | Quick Guide to the Forums | Asexuality FAQ's

 Again, welcome to AVEN and I hope your stay is everything you hoped!

 

Image result for cake

 
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Hay, welcome

You say you get feelings and wanna hold hands, so it sounds like you do desire a relationship. Sex and kissing isn't a relationship nor required to make one. Sex and romance are two different things. Sexuality only refers to sex. Romantic orientations are separate. Virginity being a bad thing is just a (bs) social construct, nor is it something someone can physically lose; nothing is physically lost from it. And btw, asexuals can "put out" i.e. sexually compromise, so those people you quoted are wrong there. If anything it says alot on their own fears in relationships/how often they sexually compromise and never inform their partner on it. But they are kind of right in the sense that most asexual and non-asexual relationships don't work out. That's why there are asexual dating sites, asexual meetups scheduled on and off of AVEN, a dating/friendship app called ACEapp, and a minority of sexual people are ok with a sexless relationship.

 

(^ I want that bubble cake and wonder what it's made of)

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First off, I see absolutely no reason to be ashamed of being a virgin. There is literally, absolutely nothing wrong with that.

It sounds to me like you're heteroromantic? Like you want the... how do I put this? You know, dates; netflix binge partner, dinner dates, complaining about a day at work, life partner kind of thing but without the sex bit. I'm afraid I'm probably not much help, as I'm still trying to figure this out too, and at twenty-eight, so you've got a head start on me! You're not alone <3 If you ever need to chat, I'm a good ear, but probably lacking in the advice department (as I'm still figuring myself out too)

 

Ah, and I hear it is tradition to offer cake? How does one give cake? I'm bad at technology, but the cake is implied. Epic cake. Like... like a pinata cake- cake with candy inside. Damn it. Now I'm hungry.

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There is an [Insert other media] tab at the bottom of the comment box, you can insert an image via URL. If you want the cake emoji look at the task bar and click the smiley face for a drop down menu of emojis this site offers.

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