Accepted being chronically single

[Alcemistnv]

Heya friends

 

So some quick information: I am 24 years old, and I have never been in a relationship, nor have I ever experienced a time when the feelings I had for someone were mutual. I have gone through high school, college and 2 jobs and have yet to meet someone. And now I feel as if I do date, that this is for marriage and nothing else. 

I have never kissed anyone and I've only held hands with someone once. 

 

Granted I'm not going around wanting to kiss everyone or everything, but I do like the idea of being with someone I can enjoy their company and hold hands with and cuddle with while watching our favorite anime. 

 

But I've sorta just, came to the conclusion that at this point, I'll probably end up being on my own and that I'll have a Ranch to myself of a lot of dogs. And I know that to older people, this seems irrational but in the present, I feel weird to think I'm going to find anyone outside of work. 

 

Has anyone else felt sorta stuck in the single phase? Did you stay where you were or did you eventually find someone?

[bluejeanjirl]

I stopped looking for someone.  

 

I no longer believe that there is any one for me.

[QuantumEcho]

19 minutes ago, bluejeanjirl said:

I stopped looking for someone.  

 

I no longer believe that there is any one for me.

I never really looked for someone but someone always popped up. It is like swatting a fly I am like shoo fly dont bother me!

[Diamond Ace of Hearts]

I'm convinced that I'd be a crap partner so I've never really wanted a relationship. That being said, the endless parade of crushes that is my social life has made it somewhat hard to accept singledom happily. I just try to ignore it, tbh.

[Alcemistnv]

1 hour ago, bluejeanjirl said:

I stopped looking for someone.  

 

I no longer believe that there is any one for me.

That's what I ended up believing myself. I can't tell you how many years I'd be told I'd just have to be myself and confident, and it doesn't seem like anyone likes who I am. With the exception of my pets of course ^^;

 

42 minutes ago, StolenCookie said:

I never really looked for someone but someone always popped up. It is like swatting a fly I am like shoo fly dont bother me!

That's definitely the opposite of what I have going on xD i only know if 2 guys who liked me, one of which waited to say something after I moved. And another told me on prom night, but he didn't even know my name. He was super creepy and made me uncomfortable

 

9 minutes ago, Diamond Ace of Hearts said:

I'm convinced that I'd be a crap partner so I've never really wanted a relationship. That being said, the endless parade of crushes that is my social life has made it somewhat hard to accept singledom happily. I just try to ignore it, tbh.

That's the worst! It's like "I'm fine being single, oh wow so many potential gentleman suitors!" 

To be completely honest, nearly all of the guys I've had feelings for ended up coming out as gay shortly after ^^;

[Eyo23]

 Haven,t found  anyone, did date one guy who liked me, but it wasn,t working and i didn,t feel able to tell him so i just texted him and it was over, still feel bad about it but , i didnt feel i could talk to him about it,  i,m on the autism spectrum and i,m just  now starting to feel i can have conversations with people used to find it kinda hopeless , still do sometimes...

[swirl_of_blue]

I'm 26, have been single for around five years and have pretty much given up hope of having a relationship ever again. It's not that I don't want to, but as a demiromantic I feel like my chances just are too small since I can't even date the way most people can. Of the grand total of three crushes I've had in my life, two are actually happening right now and I've already been rejected by one of those two people (and the other one I probably will never do anything about). So I hope I will just eventually be able to accept being single for the rest of my days and stop being envious of everyone in a (happy) relationship. So far I'm not having much success leaving behind the dream of having a partner, though.

[Guest]

I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I'll live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all

[Gloomy]

Yep. I'm 26 and have never been in a relationship, and most likely never will be in one. But I prefer being single anyway.

[Diamond Ace of Hearts]

43 minutes ago, Alcemistnv said:

That's the worst! It's like "I'm fine being single, oh wow so many potential gentleman suitors!" 

To be completely honest, nearly all of the guys I've had feelings for ended up coming out as gay shortly after ^^;

Hah, same, actually. I always seem to fall for the closet lesbians.

[StormySky]

I feel, lonliness can be an issue, especially when void of close (distance and emotional) friendship... though sometimes singleness can be a freedom of slightly less commitment!

 

It's hard to explain to people, too. This is a short description of a conversation with a friend.

"I'm single for life"

"I'm sure someone will want you"

*long explanation of reasons and internal triumph over the relationship based society we live in*

 

"You'll meet someone attractive enough"

*facepalm*

[Visenya]

I'm not asexual, but I'm 26 yo and I've never been in a relationship. It used to bother me a bit, but nowadays I'm fine with being single. I really like being alone and having time for myself. I'm afraid that if I had a partner, he would end up feeling neglected and a bit lonely, because I need a lot of alone time and I'm not very affectionate. I don't want to make anyone feel like they're a burden and like they're getting in the way of my hobbies (which would be partially true, tbh).

 

Even though I enjoy being single, I dislike the stigma, the rumors, the pity looks, the assumptions people often make, and I kind of worry about my future. People usually tell me that I need someone to take care of me when I'm sick and/or old, but, despite my worries, I can't force myself to date and be in a relationship just to have some kind of non paid nurse, or something like that. Besides, most relationships and marriages don't last forever, and one person will outlive the other, so most people end up dying alone.

 

I plan on spending the rest of my life single. Maybe a miracle will happen and I'll find someone one day, but I'm definitely not counting on it.

[Podsnap]

I'm lonely. My friends have all moved on to start families of their own. I wish I could either find a life partner or get together with a group of single-for-life people and all buy a house together or something.

[neecee]

I'm 23 and have never been in a relationship either. 

 

My mindset has usually always been "if it happens, it happens" and I haven't really put much effort into dating, but sometimes I'll get into that mood of wanting a partner to share experiences with and stuff. 

 

It gets a little annoying at time when I feel that way, and I prefer feeling neutral about relationships,  but what else can ya do? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

[Alcemistnv]

Reading this, I can't believe that there are others that feel the same as I do. Honestly, being the only single Ace out of all the aces I know in RL, I thought that it was just me and that I was weird for just accepting it. But I I'm happy to see that there are those who have embraced who they are and love themselves whether they are in a relationship or not. 

 

13 minutes ago, podsnap said:

I'm lonely. My friends have all moved on to start families of their own. I wish I could either find a life partner or get together with a group of single-for-life people and all buy a house together or something.

I completely understand, I can't tell you how many friends of mine are getting engaged and married. But at the same time, I figure that this is the best time to find people like me, who aren't yet married who are looking for those forever single buddies. The concept of a bunch of friends all living together in one house and having loads of fun seems a lot better than being married sometimes

[bennes1]

I'm 30 and I also never been in a relationship.  The farthest that I've gotten is first dates from some dating sites.  I thought that they were great because it was a chance to do something fun that I won't normally do (both of them was seeing some site or whatever).  I didn't feel anything for the person and I didn't care.  Obviously, they were expecting more than that.  There were two women that ever had crushes on me and both were kind of uncomfortable and I didn't reply to either.   

[A_Osmyde]

I guess I'm a bit younger than others who have posted here (only 21), but in addition to never having been in a relationship, I've never had the chance (or, rather, the guts) to even associate with anyone I've had a crush on, and that's not likely to change. $20 says I will throw up on/around my first date, whenever that is.

I'm in like 4 separate social groups, most of which are typically mutually exclusive (not innately, just culturally), so very few people would even exist who share similar interests. I'm really a freak of nature lol

I'm also a very math/logic oriented person, and to say that the odds of me finding anyone who I could really ever have a relationship with are slim is an exaggeration so gross a dung beetle would turn its nose up to it (I've done the math--generously). It doesn't help that all of my peers are looking for a potential spouse in anyone they date and I'm sitting back here in pre-k when it comes to relationships.

I've basically come to terms with it, but the longing will probably never go away. If it happens it happens, but nothing short of divine intervention could find me a life partner. However, I do look forward to being a force for good if I do end up alone. Being a single engineer I'd have plenty of resources to help people in need, so at least there's that!

[lilgroundhog]

In some ways I would like a qpr, but in general I've learned to value my friends and my independence.  Yes I get lonely at times, but I have have a very low social limit and work in a service profession so I don't think I could handle someone around a whole lot.  Also, who would want me as a wife, especial with one groups of friends I act about 3 yrs old (great times).

[Guest Deus Ex Infinity]

On 20.9.2017 at 9:28 PM, bluejeanjirl said:

I stopped looking for someone.  

 

I no longer believe that there is any one for me.

I used to had a relationship once but it gave me nothing but pain and drama. I'm happy being sigle in this reality but I would encourage everyone else to never give up on searching for the perfect match if that's what you wish for in this life.  There's always a chance after all. Never say never.

[Xavy]

I keep looking for someone to share my life with ..... its based on a false belief that being in a relationship will "normalize" my life, I know this, yet I persist, and it just leads to a lot of pain.    

 

I Just coming off a brilliant 3 week [WHATEVER THAT WAS]  with someone I really like .... she very suddenly ended [WHATEVER THAT WAS] 2 days ago just when I thought it was turning into something awesome and amazing ! But, I guess she was thinking the opposite, after all, I am asexual and she is not, it was not exactly a match made in heaven, yet somehow I believed it was.

 

I am not sure the pursuit of a relationship is in the best interest of some of us.   

[banoffeepie]

On 9/20/2017 at 10:41 PM, Eyo23 said:

 Haven,t found  anyone, did date one guy who liked me, but it wasn,t working and i didn,t feel able to tell him so i just texted him and it was over, still feel bad about it but , i didnt feel i could talk to him about it,  i,m on the autism spectrum and i,m just  now starting to feel i can have conversations with people used to find it kinda hopeless , still do sometimes...

Omg ... first post and no cake please excuse our manners lol

Glad you could feel you could start posting. If you post in the Welcome lounge loads of people see you. Autism spectrum is pretty wide ranging but my daughter has some barrier to interacting 'normally' she doesn't get the impact she has on other people's feelings and can't recognise other people's emotions. We never put her through any kind of diagnosis as it's pretty mild but definitely there. She's lesbian. Probably some dyspraxia type of thing. Most people say that it becomes easier to interact with others over time.

[Zash]

I don't so much feel 'stuck' single, more stubbornly set down roots and won't move out of singlehood.  Not for lack of options or anything (I have had a few suitors of varying places on the gender spectrum), and I just never felt it would be worth the effort.  I have friends, so I don't feel lonely, and they are all of the serially single too.  I can count the combined number of dates the group of us have had on one hand.

[litanies]

It's the downside of being unusual.  By definition, fewer people can relate to you, and you can relate to fewer people.  I wouldn't trade who I am for the world, but it does mean that there are a finite number of compatible people to have any kind of relationship with me.  It sucks.  I just know I'd rather be on my own as myself than together with someone as somebody else.

[Zectarash]

On 9/20/2017 at 10:21 PM, A_Osmyde said:

I'm also a very math/logic oriented person, and to say that the odds of me finding anyone who I could really ever have a relationship with are slim is an exaggeration so gross a dung beetle would turn its nose up to it (I've done the math--generously).

Just curious, was the dating pool percentage for an ace and heteroromantic male about .3% of the world's population? That's what I got with the stats I've found...

 

I'm still at the "But wait, there's a reasonable chance if I look hard enough!" phase, though. Sure, it might take awhile, but I have time.

[A_Osmyde]

18 minutes ago, Zectarash said:

Just curious, was the dating pool percentage for an ace and heteroromantic male about .3% of the world's population? That's what I got with the stats I've found...

 

I'm still at the "But wait, there's a reasonable chance if I look hard enough!" phase, though. Sure, it might take awhile, but I have time.

I'm not sure what the exact numbers I used were, though I just did that calc again. Yeah, for you and I it would be 0.21% to 0.39%, using the "1%" statistic, 70% of aces are female, and the romantic data found here: 

 

The lower bound is from just heteroromantics, the upper includes bi and panromantics.

 

But of course, that doesn't account for a host of other deal-breaker factors like age or location/language, but those would play into *any* dating pool size, not just this one.

[princesa_calavera]

22 and I've only ever had one real relationship (long distance at that) and one really bad abusive relationship. Never had my first kiss or been on any dates. I'm aroace because of trauma and while I'm still trying to navigate through being aro, I'm slowly trying to figure out the difference between a qpr and a romantic relationship and I'm leaning towards a qpr. That being said, boy am I lonely!?

On one hand, I don't know I how I feel about going into a long lasting relationship and how I would handle taking care of someone else and them doing the same for me. However, on the other hand, I would love to have a long lasting relationship (with certain conditions) and I have this dorky dream relationship dynamic in mind. Being lonely when I identified as lesbian and later homoromantic ace was easier to digest because I realize now that I'd have an easier time falling for someone and gaining a relationship as compared to now. Now, I worry about having to explain being aroace and being aroace because of trauma.

Romantic relationship or qpr, I'm afraid of being alone and single and I hate it. Right now, all I really want is someone to talk to and spend time with and being able to cuddle and share innocent touches and small pecks here and there. It's not much, but being aroace (in a small town at that) is hard because I feel like it's so daunting and nerve wracking having to explain that to someone. Right now, I'm not asking for much, but still, it's lonely and almost scary being so lonely. It's hard to accept the possibility of being alone for a while and I'm not sure if I ever will.

[banoffeepie]

On 9/24/2017 at 10:52 AM, princesa_calavera said:

but still, it's lonely and almost scary being so lonely. It's hard to accept the possibility of being alone for a while and I'm not sure if I ever will.

I guess we'll have to get out to meets and actually mingle. I really intend to get to one although for me it means a trip back to the UK. Nothing's happening in France. I looked at asexual dating sites but I'm really only looking to chat and make friends I don't even want an asexual partner just yet. I'm sure the first step in either case is to meet via an organised get together somewhere.

Having said that this forum does a great job of making you feel a part of a group and a sense of belonging.

 

There must be a growing community too. There are new arrivals on this site everyday.

[Hopeful_Dreamer]

I'm in a similar place in life. I'm 20 and I often worry that I'll always be alone. I've never dated, yet alone even kissed, held hands, etc. Whenever people seemed interested in me, I would mention that I was ace, and got bad reactions over it. Either that or they lost interest completely. I just try to be optimistic, and have hope. That's all you can really do. Plus, there's always better things to focus on other than relationships, and happiness can be found in others things as well~ 

[Homer]

"Chronically" sounds like a disease...

 

I don't know, it's the default setup for me. I'm not stuck, I don't want it to be different. The only people allowed in my flat are those I can throw out again I see absolutely zero benefit; the only differences there are to a friendship are limerence (barf!) and sex (which I'm not interested in). So that's a comlpete ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  to me. I'm not looking and I'm not attractive, that's a great match

[Hermit Advocate]

Tried dating and it was awful. As soon as I ended the relationship a significant amount of stress and frustration was lifted off my shoulders. Being single is so much better.