How do you feel when you have a squish?

[LeDeer]

Well, pretty much the title. At one point today I started to think about one of my friends for some minutes, specifically to be in a closer relationship with them (kinda a queerplatonic one).

I'm really unsure if it was just a weird thought in a weird moment, or if I started to think about them in a different way and they're now a kind of (first) squish. I really would like to know what you feel/have felt when you have/had a squish, to see if I can relate to some feelings and understand better.

[TheAP]

Disclaimer: I'm not sure if these are squishes, crushes, or something else entirely. But when I have an intense obsession:

 

- my heart beats fast all the time

- I sometimes feel sick and have trouble eating

- I think about the person all the time

- I feel giddy and happy (sometimes)

- I may have compulsions to look up things related to them, which causes even more anxiety

- I may think thoughts (not necessarily sexual) about them that make me embarrassed 

[binary suns]

they make me blush a lot

 

no wait, that's the easiest way to make me squish on ya lol.

 

idk lol. I just like 'em a certain way. like, there's a way I like cool people, and that's not a squish. and there's a way I like charismatic people, and that's not a squish either. and there's a way I think someone appears pretty, but otherwise don't feel attracted to them, or at least, that I find their visual affect attractive but it's identifiable as separate from other attractions. and there is lastly, the most common two ways of liking someone, the one being that I've over time grown close and trusting and feel safe with them, which isn't really any feeling it is just knowing them. and then the other is, that they are kindly towards me, or reliable in some way, or brave or bold or confident, that just they have some positive quality that brings me to admire them, which also isn't exactly an emotion, but these two are the most common ways in which I like people, and neither are a squish.

 

so what remains for me, is a squish, and it's I guess, it's infatuation with a person, which isn't romantic. tho, I at first assumed it was romantic, because I am demiromantic so actually never had romantic feelings for people for a long time, and when I did didn't notice that it was different from a squish until I was in a relationship and unattracted to my partner and scared for that, confused why I didn't feel attracted, and surprised to witness what attraction really looked like, to have such close exposure to another person's attraction. well, this more so made me realize what sexual attraction wasn't, but in seeing that my squishes weren't sexual attraction, I later came to realize they weren't romantic either. and then, even later i found what romantic attraction felt like for me, and that solidified my understanding of a squish.

 

 

but uh, I don't think any of this really answers your question the most helpful thing I said was that it was infatuation for me . . . infatuation that's nonromantic... that's the best I can say to describe how it feels. like, am i supposed to say that I think about them a lot, my attention is drawn to them when they're around (even if "around" means "online") I feel like I wanna befriend them, I want them to notice me, I feel a certain positive tension in my chest, and I just like 'em? but most of those are also felt with other emotions or attractions to. what tells me that is different is just that, they feel different. the only thing that I feel with a squish that I don't feel with romantic or aesthetic or sexual attraction, is that positive feeling in my chest. but I can get that for non-attraction reasons too. and I'm sure that what tells me what is what attraction, isn't universal to all folk.

[Tintinfan]

Happy-glowing feel

[Lemonsky]

When I have a squish I suddenly have the mighty need to hug. 

[LeDeer]

Gonna try to write below what I feel so maybe someone can give me a clue (ugh it will be hard to describe).

 

I find them nice esthetically nice, I like the way they dress and I find them kind of cute (aesthetic attraction maybe?). I really like passing my time with them, maybe even a little more compared to other friends I've met years before them. I went to their home a couple times and I felt at ease, both when we were just the two of us and with other people too. Once I even slept with them one night in the same bed; it was a bit awkward because I never slept with someone sharing the same bed, but I was...ok? When I heard them sleeping I found their breath kind of cute (???)

I feel like I have a bit stronger connection with them, more things we can talk about compared to others. Also some days ago I felt really -gender- dysphoric and they told me I could speak to them if I needed some solace. So I told them about my gender identity and orientation and they were supportive about it. In that moment I felt really happy because I have some trust issues and telling someone about my personal problems made me feel like I had someone that I could count one, that didn't judge me.

When I'm with them I feel happy, and because they're cute (geez I'm feeling weird to use "cute" so many times when talking about someone lol) sometimes I would like/be fine with hugging/cuddling them, although they're pretty much touch-averse. But, aside hugging sometimes and passing some time together I wouldn't like much else; I'm fine with not kiss (but if they hypothetically wanted, I could do it as a way to demonstrate my affection), and I don't wish doing other romantic things, even less having sex. I don't feel "butterflies", my heart beating fast, I don't behave differently with them, and I don't think about them all the day. So I don't think they're a crush at all.

 

I see many people being more intimate (like hugging, cuddling and kissing pretty publicly) but not having any romantic/sexual attraction to each other, and so I'm wondering if I'm seeing this person as just a close friend or something more.

[StormySky]

Wow my squishes are incredibly light compared to what everyone else is saying.  It's pretty much just a strong desire to talk to the person and/or hang out with them. Sadly though it's hard to find time to do so and I'm super awkward. Especially if said person is not in a social mood.

[south paw]

when i have a squish i get some similar feelings that people who have a crush would feel. i get a little nervous when I'm around them but not enough to where I'm shaking or can't speak to them. i want to get to know them better but part of me, maybe because I'm introverted, would rather not get to know them just because I like to imagine how their personality is and I wouldn't want their personality to be different. lol. Other times, my squishes may just be someone who I look up to a lot. like a teacher or another adult. I would just feel inspired by them and want to be like them when I'm older...or maybe I just want to hug them because I'm fascinated by them. 

[ghost_writer]

For me it's like a really intense friendship, I get really excited about spending time with the person and want to look after them, make them cups of tea and things like that. I'm always looking out for things we can do together that I know they'll enjoy (like gigs, plays etc). I also get a warm, happy feeling when they're around, it feels like the emotional equivalent of being wrapped in a cosy blanket. 

[Lull7]

I'm quite new to the lexicon so I'm not really sure if I'm using the word correctly, but I have felt 'obsessions' with certain people and since it was in no way romantic or sexual, I think they might be squishes.

Here are the signs that recur :

- Feeling jittery, with mood swings between euphoria and anxiety

- Thinking about them constantly and finding any reason to mention them in conversation

- Needing to be important to them, feeling like it's a matter of life and death

- Being extremely nervous around them and yet seeing them and hanging out with them as often as possible

- Wanting to touch them / experiencing sensual attraction I suppose

- Feeling frustrated when I sense they're not confiding entirely in me

- Laughing a lot, nervously, and sort of losing my inner monitor (I don't even know if they're funny, I just laugh)

- Interpreting any distance or indifference as unquestionable proof they have stopped loving me and will stay away the rest of their lives

 

Overall, being strongly drawn to them and making them massively important, so much so that I give them a huge power over me... 

[Topi]

I only experienced a really strong obsession toward someone once and I have no idea if it was a squish or not, but seeing the descriptions above they are pretty similar. 

 

What I know is that I was very touch averse towards them and never thought about them in a romantic way. I just wanted to be their female best friend and know they relied in me whenever they had a problem. 

 

What I felt was happiness when close to them. I wanted to constantly look at them if I was in the same room. Spend time with them and our friends. Laugh together and just hang out. When they talked with me, my heart would always speed up, but I never wanted to be alone with them. I felt jealousy when I noticed they confided more with other girls than me, but never felt jealousy towards their girlfriend (I saw the confession, it was the most awkward moment in my life!  I really couldn't read the clues...). 

 

Since this was the only case I could feel something different for someone, I can't measure if it was a squish or a crush, because I have nothing to compare too. 

[LeDeer]

Thanks a lot for the opinions! After 1 1/2 week I believe to have realized what I was (and still am) feeling toward this person. Between wednesday and sunday -of the last week- I started to develop some very strong feelings for them, with the "peak" between thursday-saturday, and they made me really confused. I've never felt something like that in my life and I'm pretty it was a crush.

I wanted these feelings to stop because I knew if I ever told them what I was experiencing, they wouldn't reciprocate and such revelation would have ruined our friendship. But at the same time made me feel so happy when I was around them. Fortunately they didn't last long, and monday I wasn't overly-excited to meet them like the previous days. I no longer have those romantic thoughts, and I believe the crush faded to just a squish.

Now I really like to stay near them (more than others), kinda happy when they talk to me, whatever to tell a joke or ask me something, and when they go somewhere and ask if someone wants to follow, I'm really excited and go with them wherever they wish. I also bought a videogame they really like so we can speak more often about it (ofc I like the game too eh).

 

And well, since I've had a crush it looks like I'm not really 100% aromantic. Guess I'll stick with gray-romantic now, but I still have to figure out things better.

[Lovelykat]

Let's see...my strongest squish would probably be my old roommate. 

 

For me, I'm not a super sappy person but...

-I wanted to spend time with her every day 

-For a time I thought she had no flaws, but even as we got closer and I got to see her flaws that only made me want to be with her more. 

-strong recurrent thoughts that if we could just stay roommates forever, coming home to tell each other about our days and eating and movie-ing together...an occasional hug when someone needs it...I would be so happy. 

-whenever I had news, or a trouble...it was her I wanted to call. 

-just seeing her...it's not like she made my heart race or a warm feeling in my chest or anything...just seeing her did make me happy. 

 

 

[plasticapollos]

SCENARIO COMPARISON TIME!!!

For lack of better understood word by human populous, I told my best friend I had a crush on him. (He's a squish)

He's gay, so he knows THAT I KNOW nothing would come out of it. We're very close.

 

However, he gets VERY confused  when he starts talking about HIS crushes, or other girls he had considered becaaasue

I am COMPLETELY okay, supportive, not jealous at all, doesn't bother me, not even a little. I assume normal human reaction would be to be hurt.

If he knew what a squish was, I could just say "you're" a squish, and it should answer all of his questions. 

 

Buuuut him telling me he was gay made us closer friends, which is all I ever wanted. I got what I wanted in the end.

--I don't feel the need to touch him

--I never wanted to date

--and It makes me warm, glowly, and happy and loved to be friends

--I told him simply so he would know why I was being so annoying

--I am still that much more annoying, just appreciated lololol

 

GOOD GRIEF THIS IS HARDER THAN I THOUGHT

 

 

[blueheroness]

On 10/2/2017 at 4:09 PM, plasticapollos said:

SCENARIO COMPARISON TIME!!!

For lack of better understood word by human populous, I told my best friend I had a crush on him. (He's a squish)

He's gay, so he knows THAT I KNOW nothing would come out of it. We're very close.

 

However, he gets VERY confused  when he starts talking about HIS crushes, or other girls he had considered becaaasue

I am COMPLETELY okay, supportive, not jealous at all, doesn't bother me, not even a little. I assume normal human reaction would be to be hurt.

If he knew what a squish was, I could just say "you're" a squish, and it should answer all of his questions. 

 

Buuuut him telling me he was gay made us closer friends, which is all I ever wanted. I got what I wanted in the end.

--I don't feel the need to touch him

--I never wanted to date

--and It makes me warm, glowly, and happy and loved to be friends

--I told him simply so he would know why I was being so annoying

--I am still that much more annoying, just appreciated lololol

 

GOOD GRIEF THIS IS HARDER THAN I THOUGHT

 

 

This sounds delightful!! But being demisexual I think i would eventually want to do something sexual (I think I'm not completely sure) but I really like what you described. Sounds sweet and supportive.

[Lovelykat]

Well for me, I've only had one strong squish, but here are some things I noticed: 

 

-I wanted to spend large amounts of time one-on-one with her

-I found myself admiring so many of her personal qualities

-I wanted to connect with her on a deeper emotional level

-I feel a deep level of emotional satisfaction when we have a deep and meaningful conversation 

-I think of her as a best friend, but more than that 

-I would love to live with her someday and be a sort of partner to her, but without the romantic stuff. Although I could see hugging and hand holding from time to time. 

-I have a strong desire to be there for her when she needs anything, whether for advice or a favor, and when I need something I go straight to her. 

-i place a high value on loyalty in our relationship, I would never ever let go of her as my best friend and I think I would be crushed if she ever let go of me. 

[hippiecat]

I find excuses to talk to them, try to befriend them (if we're not friends already) and get them to hang out with me. How it differs from a crush is that that's all i need - I'm completely 'satisfied' (weird word to use :Dd) by just talking and being with them. I might get a bit jealous if they're really close with someone else, especially if I've known them for a long time.  Also seeing them makes me smile ^^

[Taylor Lilith]

Squishes are seriously making me doubt any romanticism I thought I had.  I have these feelings I had for people in the past that I thought were crushes.  I have had 4 of them in 2017 and every single time they have turned out squishes and not crushes.  Even way back in highschool I felt the same way towards people.

 

What I do feel

--An intense desire to get to know them better

--Love making them laugh

--Love laughing with them

--Love working with them

--Love talking to them

--Love hanging out with them

--Love having deep discussions with them

--Hugging is fine 

 

What I don't feel

--Heart beating faster

--Butterflies

--Any sexual desire towards them

--Any desire to do hand holding or kissing

 

This has been recurring and I am wondering if I am demiromantic or aro.  I have fallen in love before .... but all of those were really just squishes that I thought were crushes.  I was just around them enough that I fell in love?  I guess?  I'm trying to find out what "romantic" means.  I have yet to have a crush really.  I think? I dunno -_-.

 

 

[Dark-Spirit]

Personnally, when I have a squish, I see it as a really peaceful feeling (maybe because this squish lasted for a few years.)

 

I have a mighty need to hold this person against me.

I feel an intense connection with them.

I can daydream about them.Not kissing them, but spending time together, only the two of us.

I find them adorable.

I have a "warm feeling" in my heart when I realize I make them happy or when I see they sent me a message, full of (platonic) love and care.

I love to share with them.Everything.Opinions, music tastes, funny moments, personal things...I could spend hours talking with them and won't stop.

 

 

I think it's really hard to describe this kind of feeling.

 

 

I don't love them romantically and have no sexual attraction toward them, but I'll tell you, I love them.It's platonic, but this feeling is intense.I wish I could cuddle with them while watching movies, I would spend my life with them without any hesitation.Even when I'm at my worst, depressed, with fear and anxiety, spending time with them always help.The fact that I can share everything with them and never be judged is really a beautiful feeling. It's like...I knew them since forever.

 

If I lost them, I know I would never feel this way again.

I see them as a platonic soulmate. (so...It could be a long-term squish, I guess ? )

 

I hope it helped some people ! I'm sorry, not even words are enough to describe this feeling, I think.

 

 

[Guest]

Everytime I have a squish, I feel better about myself. Because it proves to me that I don't really fall in love with everyone who is friendly to me. A squish for me is when I want to spend time with them but I don't get obsessed over this. I respect them and I want them to respect me. I also feel safe to make our conversations more meaningful.
One of my best friends is my squish for more than 6 years. Funny thing is I was really in love with him before that. This feeling abruptly stopped and now I can't imagine anything romantic between us. Lucky me. I'm happier this way. He is one of the most special people for me. I had a nightmare where he died and I get the chance to switch places with him so he doesn't die. I seized that opportunity on the spot! I would have done it in real life too...

[Harmony12]

A while back at summer camp, there was this girl who I didn't really know that well, but I thought she was really pretty and cool, and I really wanted to get to know her and become friends. Nothing happened, because I'm really awkward and it's hard for me to talk to new people on my own. I think that was a squish. 

[lilgroundhog]

I want to be an important part of their life, where they actively want me in it.  Depending on who it is, I also want to hug them or cuddle.

 

I really haven't found someone where I want some exclusive though.

[Wierd_Asexual]

This is hard... 

When I have a squish I think about them a lot and get super happy when their around me.

I REALLY want to be good friends.

Its hard to describe, you kinda just know.

[spacehawk.jpg]

It feels like an intense friendship. Like I get excited TALKING about them, I want to be close, I get really touchy and keep hugging them. Sometimes I even want to kiss them. 
I never had a crush on someone, I used to think my squishes are crushes because they feel so intense and I do get the fast heartbeat and the nervous stomach people describe, but where it starts, it ends. There's no "I want to be with them" just "I want to be their friend, I want to be close to them." 

[Aroace...Artimus]

I get squishes and squashes all the time! And, I love the feeling of them. I get all excited and elated around the person I like, and have such a strong feeling of wanting to talk to them and and hang out with them. And, sometimes I just want to go up to them and ask: would you like to be my friend? Or: would you like to be my zucchini? And, of course, I don’t do that, because, I’ll come off as a crazy person and they might run away. But, I just love how it feels. There’s butterflies in my stomach and sometimes I feel so anxious and nervous near them, just because I want it be their friend.