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Can you be asexual but have a sexual fetish?


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I'm 31 and have never had a sexual attraction to anybody. I don't find people attractive and I find the thought of sex repulsive. I only find wearing nappies sexually stimulating, I do look at pictures of men and women wearing adult nappies sexuially stimulating, but its solely the nappies I'm looking at, the outline and the plastic,  I have no feelings towards the person wearing them. Can you have a sexual fetish toward a object and still be classed as asexaul. Pretty much I have felt like a alien all my life. When my peers are making comments about finding people attractive I have to pretend to find them attractive when there is nothing there at all. I'm out as gay to all my friends, it's easier to say that to female friends when they ask me out because I'm simply not attracted to them, or man too. But I have this sexual fetish wearing nappies and have had it all my life. I'm so confused.

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Sleepy Skeleton

Hey, welcome to AVEN! :cake:

 

To answer your question, yes, it is absolutely possible to have a fetish and still be asexual. Views may very among asexuals, but the general consensus here on AVEN is that all you need to be an asexual is a lack of sexual attraction to other people. You said it yourself, you don't have feeling towards the person. If you think you feel asexual, you're definitely allowed to call yourself that.

 

In fact, it's really not uncommon for some asexuals to have sexual kinks of fetishes. We're a wide variety of people. I'm actually a pretty kinky person, but that doesn't mean I can't be asexual too.

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A shard of glass

Demisexual, got a fetish for one piece swimsuits XD Don't judge me :P

 

But the comment above explains it perfectly :P just wanted to post my fetish so you don't feel alone :D

 

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  • 8 months later...
Emily152637

Yes, it's entirely possible!  I'm asexual with a hypnofetish lol.  Being asexual doesn't necessarily mean you don't have a sex drive, and while that sex drive might be stimulated randomly and annoy some asexuals, for others, it might be stimulated by fetishes and be pleasurable.  Asexuality is simply the trait of finding no genders sexually attractive.

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everywhere and nowhere

I think it's possible, particularly if you define asexuality as "not experiencing desire for partnered sex" rather than "not finding any gender sexually attractive". Asexuals with a libido have some forms of sexual feelings - it's just that our outlet for them is not partnered sex, but rather fantasies, self-pleasuring... It's important insofar as sexuality is a continuum (I have no issues with that, my fantasies being somewhere on one spectrum with partnered sex doesn't mean that I "actually desire" the latter or that I should feel obliged to "try" all parts of the continuum), but due to social expectations people are being told that partnered sex is the greatest part of this spectrum, that it's impossible for anyone to permanently find it unpleasant... And yet this continuum may be fractured, not everyone experiences all parts of it - and for libidoist asexuals the continuity just breaks before the desire to have partnered sex. I hate being told that we are "missing out", "objectively missing out" (I don't even believe in objectivity) - it is anyway not possible to have every possible experience, and the the sexuality continuum is beautiful enough in its discontinuities, the various ways individual people experience it. Partnered sex is not the pinnacle of sexuality.

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Hi @bobbilly , welcome to AVEN! :cake::cake:

 

It seems like you're not experiencing sexual attraction towards people who are wearing those nappies... you don't exactly want to, at some point, rip off those nappies and have passionate sex with these people. It's all about the nappies being worn by adults (maybe the way they wrap around a body, that they can be tightly secured, the material they're made of) , not those adults. That sounds like you may be asexual.  

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samstreet101

Chiming in...I have a couple of fetishes and I consider myself asexual/gray-asexual. My fetishes actually include attraction to people themselves but I have absolutely no desire to act it out in real-life partnered sex. For me it's just the idea of them that arouses me. So yeah I see no conflict there.

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Neptune Ave.

I think so. Most of my sexual fetishes aren't precisely sexual. They're either more in an aesthetic sense or a curious sense, rather than sexual. Normally I would say I'm asexual, because I'm not sexually attracted to people, don't masturbate and don't desire full-on sex, but nowadays I consider myself as grey-asexual, because I'm curious about what would it be like being in the situation while acting out on a few fetishes, like touching, know what I mean? It doesn't turn me on, though.

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Most people will tell you yes.

 

Personally though, I don't understand how it could be so (but then, I don't subscribe to the whole "asexuality is solely about attraction to other people" thing that most people here seem to)

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I’m having confusion regarding the definition of sex, I’ve  reading a lot of the topics here and I’m still confused. I’m attracted to guys bellies almost exclusively. I can get aroused merely by looking at or rubbing one, but my fantasies or desires never go much beyond that, maybe some light humping. Since there no penetration is it still sex? 

 

I should also also add a lot of the time I don’t think about the people attached to the bellies, it’s more like an object which is why I thought this thread might be a good place to ask.

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Iam asexual I have a lot of fetish’s, mainly a breast and bra fetish, and a fetish for younger women, there is no desire to have sex with them just looking at them. Also a period fetish. I think I might be weird.:)

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GeekyGamerZack

As a homoromantic asexual, I'm attracted to guys, but not in a sexual capacity. I have no interest in sex, no desire to have sex with anyone...even the thought of kissing kind of weirds me out a bit. (Hopefully that wouldn't make things awkward should I ever tie the knot. "You may now...uh...high five?")

 

Nonetheless, I, like many other people, have fetishes of my own. None of them have anything to do with parts of the human anatomy, so I don't consider them to be sexual fetishes, at least not from my personal perspective. That doesn't stop me from having non-sexual fantasies every now and then, and a few, namely my fascination for leather jackets and gloves, are mild enough that I can integrate them into my daily life with little to no risk of them getting in the way.

 

Of course, my fantasies typically involve guys, but that's just who I am. 🙂

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  • 1 year later...

Totally, I think it's possible!

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On 6/22/2018 at 6:03 PM, Qwertyxace said:

I have feel sexual towards electricity 

That sounds kinda dangerous pal ... xD

 

2D complex is a thing right??? :D

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Janus the Fox
14 hours ago, Nylocke said:

That sounds kinda dangerous pal ... xD

Erotic electro stimulation and electrophilia are pretty common sexual fetishes.  Devices for electro shock sexual stimulation has been around since the 1950s, the danger is never an issue.  Though some like to do this more dangerously like getting hooked up to car batteries, hooked up to the nipples, often only done solo, as media tropes go.  One persons torture is another persons sexual gratification.

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Yes it's possible! For reading theres alot of fetishes I would have, just zero interest in acting on them. 

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  • 1 year later...
Pyrotechnix1198

It's possible and may seem paradoxical but, at least in my experience, I have no desire to physically act out my fetishes or kinks but they are still there. If I am not in the mood, these kinks or fetishes repulse me completely. It ultimately comes down to whether or not you feel sexually attracted to the person or just the object of the fetish. Asexuality is a spectrum and in no way equals an underactive libido. The term deals with attraction not sex drive.

 

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On 9/19/2017 at 1:38 PM, bobbilly said:

Can you have a sexual fetish toward a object and still be classed as asexaul.

Yep! Think of it this way: if a gay person has a sexual fetish, they’re still gay. If an ace person has a sexual fetish, they’re still ace. It’s a matter of who you’re attracted to and how you’re attracted to them.

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On 6/20/2018 at 6:13 PM, pma01 said:

Iam asexual I have a lot of fetish’s, mainly a breast and bra fetish, and a fetish for younger women, there is no desire to have sex with them just looking at them. Also a period fetish. I think I might be weird.:)

I know the post is from over 4 years ago, but...

I have a fetish, but not like that

One thing I've realised is that "weird" is very relative.

As long as anything you engage in is consensual for all parties involved, then there's no problem


There is no "normal".

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  • 2 months later...

I am AceFlux, and I have a strong attraction to women’s feet, especially dirty ones.  If they are pretty feet, I always find them attractive. Sometimes that is all. Sometimes there is more, which can range anywhere from wanting to massage them, kiss them or to getting fully aroused.  When there is no arousal, it is still pleasurable in its own way. This has been extremely confusing for most of my life. Why the variability?  When I finally discovered this identify, it finally explained why Viagra didn’t help when the asexuality was dominant, even though I found the feet to still be “sexy” (for the lack of a better term 🤷‍♂️

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On 2/19/2023 at 7:21 AM, greenskyson said:

i have no desire or need for the actual sex acts such as [non-feet sex acts]

Do feet get you off and do you have desire or need for sex acts involving feet?

 

If so, I don't think that's asexual. I think it's a particularly strong fetish.

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I think the answer would be yes. For all intents and purposes, If you aren't interested in sex with other people you can probably think of yourself as asexual. The end result is the same as if you didn't have a sexual fetish: you would be uninterested or repulsed by he thought of having sex with others. The end result will also have similar impacts on your life. The impact on possible relationships with a future life partner (if you want one) will be more or less the same. The people you know wondering why you don't have a life partner yet will still be wondering that. You will share many common experiences and struggles that other asexuals will.

I myself am somewhat similar. I have a reasonably high sex drive, but am only attracted to certain fetish objects. Other people do not factor into my sexual desires at all, and never have. Not even a little. At the end of the day, this makes me consider myself as an asexual.  It has its pros and cons. It's nice being able to easily satisfy my sexual urges so completely and easily on my own, but a piece of me would would like a life partner for emotional and financial reasons, although I can't imagine most non-asexuals wanting to stick with a partner for long that has no sexual interest in them. I've unfortunately seen many relationships end for this very reason (one partner loses sexual interest in the other due to age or whatever other reasons). A lot of people seem to want to be desired sexually, and I know I can't provide that. This has made me very wary of starting relationships with non-asexuals, and since I don't really know or interact with many asexuals (I just started on this site tonight), I haven't had any relationships beyond friends.

As an added note, what you and I have is sometimes referred to as an "exclusive paraphillia" if you'd like to learn more about this phenomenon, although most sex research is unfortunately rather limited and what does exist is often a steaming pile of biased crap.

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graywonders
On 3/2/2023 at 12:20 AM, TheDude said:

what you and I have is sometimes referred to as an "exclusive paraphillia" if you'd like to learn more about this phenomenon,

I think I do experience this same thing. 

Except my fetish seems more sexual I guess? I just get really aroused by guys with muscles but never felt desire to have actual sex with anyone in my life. I just feel no need to do so.

The thing is, this looks like sexual attraction, despite the fact I don't feel desire to do sexual acts, and rather just fantasize (my fantasies also doesn't involve sexual acts) and take care of it myself.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Since sex is not my #1 priority, I’ve often wound up with partners who have fetishes. I’ve let them tie me up and beat me or whatever in hope of eventual love. 

 

My last partner had a diaper kink, much like the poster of this question. With any fetish, it’s important to communicate exactly what you expect. I thought I’d found someone to spend my life with. She just wanted someone to wipe her ass.

 

When I say “last partner” I mean the last I’ll ever have. I’m so done.

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