Asexual? Thoughts.

[CirrusClouds]

I have been interested in the debate about sex, libido, and sexual desire and how you can or cannot be asexual because of it.

Personally I want to label myself as an aromantic asexual. I feel no romantic attraction nor do I feel no sexual attraction either.

So I think it is time that I come out and make my post on whether anyone agrees with me. So yes debates and opinions are welcome.

I have struggled in accepting the idea that I am asexual, even though it feels right. My problems are that I have a high libido and I enjoy sexual pleasure. I even like to do it daily. The thing is, I have to fantasise, watch porn, or have someone else do something to get off; otherwise I just get bored.

This is my clutch right now that makes me weaver and wonder about if I am indeed asexual. What makes it feel it is right is I have never felt sexually attracted to anybody.

[binary suns]

uh-oh D:

 

 

 

I honestly empathize with not feeling attracted in a sexual relationship, it's not easy. I wish that people were more empathetic to the fact that folk who can't feel this attraction in any sexual relationship, are not in fact "sexual" folks - even if they aren't "asexual" because "asexuals don't wanna have sex"

 

not that I'm making any claim.

 

I am not asexual, nor sexual, I am greysexual. so I don't feel comfortable making a claim about what "is asexuality" or what "is allosexuality" but it seems some vocal people on our site dislike the idea that asexuals could want to have sex for pleasure's sake.

 

 

as a greysexual who tried to have a sexual relationship and ran into various pitfalls, I do say that both wanting sex AND feeling attracted to the person are both "necessary" in a sexual relationship. (generally speaking from limited experiences of such a thing). With the person I was with I lacked both, but I am capable of feeling sexually attracted to people. I just don't feel any sort of "desire" for sex and have a hard time understanding what people even mean by "Sexual desire"

[binary suns]

for a while I said I was asexual, when I first was on this site, but over time I started to doubt it, to hesitate and switch back-and-forth between suspecting different identities for myself in this regard. eventually I was able to feel comfortable for myself with the label "Greysexual"

 

there are more reasons than I'd wanna share that led me to that conclusion tho, I say this only to be talkative, not to imply anything for anyone else

[TopHatCat]

Your reference to feeling boredom is consistent with my experiences. If your libido isn't ever directed to a person that is visually accessible to you then that's consistent with asexual experiences. Until you're more certain, perhaps you could identify as gray-ace, since it seems you're more tilted into this spectrum than you are allosexual.

 

Also, to respond to this:

3 minutes ago, float on said:

it seems some vocal asexuals dislike the idea that asexuals could want to have sex for pleasure's sake.

As I do not engage in sexual activities I can't say this for those who do, but undirected libido could absolutely be used up with another person, and of course the biological function is that it feels good. A frequent issue between aces and non-ace partners is that the partner doesn't feel desirable and grows sexually frustrated because they typically appreciate sex with a partner over just masturbation.

[Mermaidy]

At least in terms of libido, if asexuals were to have no libido, then all hetero/homosexuals would always have one-half the libido of all bisexuals.  Heterosexual couples, for ex., would always have the same libidos.

 

for me to orgasm, I NEED to think/fantasize about orgasming.  IDK about you, OP, but your need for fantasies/porn to orgasm might be similar to me, in that fantasies and porn force you to think of orgasm

[CirrusClouds]

Thank you for all your replies. I must say, this is the friendliest replies I have seen so far to this sort of topic.

 

22 hours ago, Mermaidy said:

for me to orgasm, I NEED to think/fantasize about orgasming.  IDK about you, OP, but your need for fantasies/porn to orgasm might be similar to me, in that fantasies and porn force you to think of orgasm

I think I might be slightly different. What I fantasy and like to see is someone brought to a climax. But I have experienced someone finding my sweet spot and making me cum  

 

All in all, I feel now that I don't see anything wrong in calling myself asexual. As far as I am aware, I do not experience sexual attraction. Why should I move in to the grey spectrum because I like sexual pleasure?