Alexshores Posted September 18, 2017 Share Posted September 18, 2017 Hi everyone, I'm Alexshores (you can just call me Alex if you want), I'm 24 and am kind of new to all of this. up until about two weeks ago I assumed I was Bi, and before that Gay, and before that Bi again and before that Trans and before that straight. I was super wrong. To give a little background, when I was in school the most I ever experienced was having a crush on someone but even then, it felt forced, like I was making myself believe I liked this person so that I could fit in with all the other kids who would talk about almost nothing beyond sex and relationships. Needless to say, the crush didn't go anywhere. When I was in college I started mixing with new people, got introduced to new crowds and it was great, I had the time of my life. I started to assume that because I wasn't being drawn immediately to girls but I still found them attractive to look at (though, more in an aesthetic sense) and I felt similar about guys that I was Bi, but at the same time I didn't really feel like I was particularly manly or girly. I felt somewhere in-between and often had trouble with liking my physical appearance, specifically the bit between my legs and what I did or didn't do with it. After opening up to my Lesbian mum about it she sympathised and I ended up getting counselling sessions so I could speak my mind about it. As helpful as those sessions were for my body image I still didn't feel like I was any closer to knowing what I wanted in terms of both my body and my tastes in partners. Time moved on and I put the concept of myself maybe being trans to the back of my mind, and instead focused on just trying to be happy. I ended up dating a guy and the social pressure of having sex kind of got to me. So we had sex and I had mixed feelings. More years passed and more relationships happened and much the same thoughts came to mind, I was kind of meh on the whole sex thing, but that didn't stop me from trying to enjoy it. I figured maybe I was just doing it wrong, or not enough to enjoy it. I moved from dating guys to trying to date girls, thinking maybe that I was more Bi than Gay and that I just needed to switch things up for a bit, maybe then this sex thing would work. Only no relationships I had with girls ever got that far. I think that was mostly because I have always been awful at 'picking up the signs' with both men and women, but my experience led me to believe men were generally a little more upfront about what they wanted. So then I just sort of coasted on, not having sex, not minding I wasn't having sex but wondering why that was the case. Then I remembered telling a friend years ago that I was Bi, and he just shrugged and said "Huh, I always figured you were asexual". I didn't think much of it at the time, I guess because I was so wrapped up in trying to enjoy sex that I didn't even consider the notion that not liking sex was completely valid. So I did some research, found out about AVEN and have been reading various articles about Asexuality and... it's all sort of fitting into the gaps nicely. I havn't told anyone I think I'm asexual because I've not got any idea how they'd react - not to mention how confused they might feel since my past dating habits make most people think I'm Gay Sorry for the long-winded intro, it's just been an eye opening few weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
kelico Posted September 19, 2017 Share Posted September 19, 2017 Welcome to AVEN! Thank you so much for sharing your story with us!! I'm glad that you found your way here. : )) It can take some exploration to figure out what feels right to you...and that's ok. (I also did a lot of bouncing around with labels/identities before I finally discovered asexual lol.) You'll find a lot of supportive people that can relate to you here. Just take your time exploring, and there's also no rush on coming out. It all comes down to your comfort level. : ) I hope you enjoy being a member! Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted September 19, 2017 Share Posted September 19, 2017 Welcome! Glad to hear you're figuring things out Have some cake! Link to post Share on other sites
al5 Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 Welcome to AVEN! I hope you enjoy it here Link to post Share on other sites
TheAP Posted September 21, 2017 Share Posted September 21, 2017 Hello there, and welcome to AVEN! As part of my welcome to you, I'd like to point out some important threads that might be helpful in your first few days here. The Terms of Service is here. We recommend you read it over, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to send either myself or any other administrator or moderator (the "admod" team, as we're called) a message. Also, there's a handy forum called Site Info, which has some useful information including a thread outlining who moderates which forum. If you ever need something done in or have questions about a specific forum, please message the mod of that forum. And if you have problems with the site in general, or any single member, please message any admod. The following are also nifty links to take a look at: Welcome Lounge Mini Manual | Welcoming 101 | Quick Guide to the Forums | Asexuality FAQ's Again, welcome to AVEN and I hope your stay is everything you hoped! Link to post Share on other sites
CirrusClouds Posted September 22, 2017 Share Posted September 22, 2017 Welcome to AVEN I too had an eyeopening experience when I discovered asexuality. It's a bit of a gamer thing, but you're title reminds me of a character called Abathar from Heores of the Storm and StarCraft. It often says, "New and Improved", haha. If that didn't tickle your fancy, have some cake or eton mass cheesecake Link to post Share on other sites
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