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Splitting up isn't always negative


banoffeepie

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Hi guys (genderless connotation)

I've only been on the site for a short while but I'll just share an observation. So many people are worried about keeping/losing their partner due to their orientation, and scared of being alone. It seems to be unacceptable to say 'Hey, why not break up,'

There's lots of info about how to make it work and marriage, after all, is said to be about compromise.

I'll share my experience of a split from a real soulmate of 18 years.

It's bloody wonderful.

You know the horrible story that if you heat up water with a toad in it it won't jump out but eventually die there but if you throw a toad in hot water it'll jump out? (what sicko did that?) Well relationships can be like that. There can be more and more friction building up, surpressed subconscious resentment. Life is not happy for either of you. You know things are getting bad when you've stopped making happy memories together. Take a look back through your photo album and see if you can see a decline.

When my relationship ended it was a shock to me but amicable as I couldn't be nasty to her if I tried. The bad feelings were acute but short-lived. Then I felt incredible relief, a lightness of soul. My 'joie de vivre' came back. I loved the freedom with no expectations from anyone, imagine that, none!

I would wake up during the holidays and decide what to be .. A friend, a father, a workmate, a boyfriend (nah) whatever I felt like. I had the best Summer ever experimenting with new sorts of interests and hobbies, new groups of people and activities. I feel like a jack-in-the-box who's out of his box lol

The good times and good memories of the past are all still there and form a bedrock of good memories which add value to your past even if that same person is no longer around.

 

Compromise is OK but it has to be a happy one, not with both people unhappy!

(Happiness and unhappiness are both a choice, an illusion, but that's another post!)

 

Now I'm not advising anyone to break up OK. I'm just saying it might not be the game-stopper people are scared of.

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Thanks for sharing your experience. :cake: I'm of the opinion that society in general puts too much pressure on people to make relationships work, rather than ending them amicably. I think we need to teach ourselves and others that ending a relationship isn't an insult. There are many circumstances that make it complicated, but sparing feelings should be much less of a worry than it is, in my opinion.

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It's not just romantic relationships that we shouldn't be afraid to end. Toxic friendships can be just as bad sometimes. If you spent 10 years of your life with someone who, as your friend, was constantly putting you down and undermining your self esteem then it can be just as important to end it (like my friend did to her bff) . Everyone is too afraid to take that leap and admit that they were wrong to enter the relationship, or that things just haven't worked out and that they're not happy, that they ignore their own needs just to prove to themselves that something didn't work out. It's okay to leave, and people tend to forget that it is a viable option.

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