Power dynamics and sex

[AyeeeMack]

Okay so I watch a lot of porn and I'm starting to do some analyzing. Since I am not interested in having sex I just base my thoughts off of it and I realize my favorite kinds of porn may be

1. Where there are prominent dominant and submissive roles but not standard cis hetero scenarios and  

2. Where all parties appear to be on the same level of excitement and pleasure

I completely understand that porn is not an accurate portrayal of sex and that its just fantasy but I like thinking a about situations such as a person in a higher power position seducing someone lower or people who want the same exact thing getting it on together. I hate most cis hetero porn because its usually silent hyper masculine guy taking advantage of a extremely loud woman whose performance isn't totally convincing and it doesn't seem very consensual. I love the thought of roles being reversed in those situations though. I thought about that if I were to have sex one day, it would be because of the power associated with it. I don't find the idea of liking someone romantically before or after sex appealing probably because I'm possibly aromantic. Sex to me would probably be a game like the porn scenarios I watch. I think it could be fun to have power over an attractive person and make them feel powerless and lost in pleasure just because I could, not because I cared for them. Basically just having the satisfaction of doing that to someone who is hot because it'd feel like an accomplishment.  If not having power over someone, then someone who would be on the same exact level as me, no higher(this is where I usually watch bi threesomes/foursomes). This could just be me saying I dont like the idea of being submissive and what not but its just that I can't see sex as something spiritual and meaningful. I can't look at someone and just want to do anything with them. I usually imagine these scenarios with my favorite porn stars or just celebrities I like because its easier to get the mental image. It could also just be me wanting to reject some of the normal standards of porn.  I do know that at least i would just want it to be a fun recreationals activity about power rather than pleasure or feelings. But at the same time these are usually just casual thoughts to me. I think about it like one would think about what it would be like to visit outer space(idk). I don't ever have the urge to go have sex and I think its just curiosity really but does anyone else feel like this or have any thoughts? Do you think its possible to be asexual because the lack of sexual attraction to but still enjoy having sex just for the sake of feeling powerful?

[Guest]

3 minutes ago, AyeeeMack said:

Do you think its possible to be asexual because the lack of sexual attraction to but still enjoy having sex just for the sake of feeling powerful?

Well, depends on how you're defining sexual attraction, for a start. Because there are plenty of sexual people out there who enjoy sex specifically for the sake of the power dynamics and will meet at BDSM clubs anonymously just to experience those sexual dynamics with strangers, without preference as to appearance or anything. I've met lots of people like that on FetLife. So, what you described just sounds like one of those sexual people to me. You can be asexual and enjoy thinking about those dynamics, sure, but if you're actively seeking sex out and enjoy it BECAUSE of the pleasure you experience as a result of those dynamics, that just seems like a regular sexual person into with a BDSM/sexual power fetish.

[AyeeeMack]

4 hours ago, FictoVore. said:

Well, depends on how you're defining sexual attraction, for a start. Because there are plenty of sexual people out there who enjoy sex specifically for the sake of the power dynamics and will meet at BDSM clubs anonymously just to experience those sexual dynamics with strangers, without preference as to appearance or anything. I've met lots of people like that on FetLife. So, what you described just sounds like one of those sexual people to me. You can be asexual and enjoy thinking about those dynamics, sure, but if you're actively seeking sex out and enjoy it BECAUSE of the pleasure you experience as a result of those dynamics, that just seems like a regular sexual person into with a BDSM/sexual power fetish.

See I didn't think about the BDSM part I don't think I would ever actually be in interested in seeking it out, at least not now, MAYBE a few years down the road for curiosity or something but for now there's no inclination. Ever met any asexuals on FetLife?

[CirrusClouds]

 

17 hours ago, AyeeeMack said:

Do you think its possible to be asexual because the lack of sexual attraction to but still enjoy having sex just for the sake of feeling powerful?

The waters are muddy here, but I would say yes it is possible.

 

I'm trying to find my way through those muddy waters. I've never experienced sexual attraction towards anyone. In fact I'm getting very good at noticing that I am really not sexually attracted to anyone.  I laughing my head off because of it. But I love the thought of sex. I play out fantasies in my mind, I watch porn. The thrill and pleasure of it all - it almost makes me want to try it.

 

The important point here though is, don't let the label asexual limit you. Think of it as something you wear.

 

[AyeeeMack]

3 hours ago, CirrusClouds said:

 

The waters are muddy here, but I would say yes it is possible.

 

I'm trying to find my way through those muddy waters. I've never experienced sexual attraction towards anyone. In fact I'm getting very good at noticing that I am really not sexually attracted to anyone.  I laughing my head off because of it. But I love the thought of sex. I play out fantasies in my mind, I watch porn. The thrill and pleasure of it all - it almost makes me want to try it.

 

The important point here though is, don't let the label asexual limit you. Think of it as something you wear.

 

Wow you pretty much described the way I feel. I like the thought of it, but i never experience sexual attraction irl. I almost want to try it because of the fantasies and stuff but idk no one would ever just make me want to have sex with them. I know you said not to let labels limit me but would you know of any other terms or something to help steer me in the direction of like minded people?

[CirrusClouds]

@AyeeeMack I think you might have misinterpreted me. By all means label yourself, just don't let it limit you. Like, I can't act such and such way because of this label.

 

If you don't feel that asexual doesn't fit, check out this list.