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mathcbar

Trying to accept myself

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mathcbar   
mathcbar

Hey, things have been strange lately... I don't know exactly where I fit and sometimes it's hard to accept what I am, society always makes me feel bad for the way I feel around other people and I'm writing this to maybe make things easier.

Well, the thing is I was in a relationship for almost one year and a half and I would call it a straight relationship. But I wanted to have sex sometimes but it was always "ok, lets do it" and never something that I really wanted. It ended on february of this year and I was really fine with it, but after that relationship it's been hard to fall in love again and to feel any romantic desire for a long time for someone and any romantic thing makes me feel suffocated... Sometimes I feel atracted to girls, but I just like to look at them and flert, but the kissing is so boring and I literally don't feel anything and any desire of having something else most of the times (the desire or the pleasure rarely comes, but it happens sometimes)... Everything always looks fake and I start thinking too much and then I feel bad later... And I've tried to have sex 2 times after this relationship and it's really boring and I don't feel that intense sex drive and always feel bad later... I would say that sometimes I want to have sex, but when I get the opportunity, I don't feel the sex drive (I don't even feel like masturbating most of the times)... I was wishing someone could help me just to find where I fit, so it gets easier to accept myself and don't feel bad for what I am.

 

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Zenzencat104   
Zenzencat104

If you don't feel sexual attraction, you're asexual. Also, welcome! 🍰🎂 I accept you.

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plasticapollos   
plasticapollos
43 minutes ago, Zenzencat104 said:

If you don't feel sexual attraction, you're asexual. Also, welcome! 🍰🎂 I accept you.

Agreed! I accept you, too! And I think you came to the right place to help ya get some answers. Only you can truly define who you are, but if you poke around on forums a bit, I think you'll find a lot of people just like you.  Something to note is that there are two different spectrum- you can be asexual (no sexual attraction), and still have a ROMANTIC attraction. Maybe start there? Might help you make sense of those relationships. Welcome to AVEN, mathcbar!! 🍰🍰🍰🍰

 

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mathcbar   
mathcbar
4 hours ago, Zenzencat104 said:

If you don't feel sexual attraction, you're asexual. Also, welcome! 🍰🎂 I accept you.

3 hours ago, plasticapollos said:

Agreed! I accept you, too! And I think you came to the right place to help ya get some answers. Only you can truly define who you are, but if you poke around on forums a bit, I think you'll find a lot of people just like you.  Something to note is that there are two different spectrum- you can be asexual (no sexual attraction), and still have a ROMANTIC attraction. Maybe start there? Might help you make sense of those relationships. Welcome to AVEN, mathcbar!! 🍰🍰🍰🍰

 

 

oh, thank u very much :')

And what does the cake emoji mean? hahaha

 

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plasticapollos   
plasticapollos

@mathcbar Did you ever hear that question "Would you choose cake or sex?" ;3 

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Puck   
Puck

Just an addition question that might help and that you can choose to answer or not: You say you sometimes feel like having sex, but do you feel the need to have sex with other people? Many asexuals have some libido but they don't want partnered sex at any time.

 

If you feel you want to have partnered sex, you might well be gray-sexual. In which case, there are many who are here on this site!

 

On 9/15/2017 at 11:05 PM, mathcbar said:

oh, thank u very much :')

And what does the cake emoji mean? hahaha

 

The cake symbol is an old joke as many many years ago, a group of asexuals decided they would prefer cake to sex. Now, it's used kind of as a community symbol to connote kinship. It can be a thank you, a welcome, a greeting.... I kind of think of it like a smile, but one that shows you are welcome and accepted into the fold :cake:  

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MrDane   
MrDane

@mathcbar perhaps you are asexual.

i just need to say, that feeling awkward and not orgasmic the first couple of times is normal

...and you write that sometimes you want sex. And asexual does not want/need/feel the urge for sex. Avenites are often a bit quick to judge in that direction, in their favour, amongst the 1%.  Perhaps if, what you want is not the actual sex but some of the things that comes along, like: being close, pleasing, giving, fitting in...?

you are still welcome and can still get cake and perhaps you will find out that you fit best with the label. Imma just saying...!

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