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Some help with self discovery!


Jazz Matazz

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Hey guys!

So I've recently been doing a lot of introspection and finding out why I feel the way I do and I've kinda just realized that my sexuality hasn't been something I've really thought about, and I thought I'd ask a caring, knowledgeable bunch as I'm feeling pretty confused.

I'm a 21 year old male, I've never had sex and it really doesn't bother me or interest me a whole lot. Any physical intimacy I've had hasn't been incredibly enjoyable (I don't mind kissing, but anyone touching my body makes me uncomfortable) and leaves me with a feeling of regret. 

I find people attractive, but nudity /porn has never done anything for me in terms of arousal. I find emotional bonds to be more intimate for me overall (I've also never really been physically intimate with a person I haven't formed an emotional bond with).

I've only recently thought that these feelings weren't a part of my anxiety (which I've been medicated for and haven't really changed how I feel about all this), but actually my sexuality, and that I could be asexual.

I was wondering if anyone had some insight as to if I come under the umbrella of asexuality or how I would identify if I do as it would give me a heap of peace of mind to understand why I feel this way.

Thanks so much, you guys are lovely and it means a lot.

 

 

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Hi Jazz and welcome!

 

From your description it sounds to me like you may be asexual! But only you can define your sexuality.

 

Have you looked at this thread? 

I think it would be helpful to you to do a bit of reading about how people define their sexual and romantic feelings and see what clicks.

 

All the best!

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5 hours ago, Jazz Matazz said:

So I've recently been doing a lot of introspection and finding out why I feel the way I do and I've kinda just realized that my sexuality hasn't been something I've really thought about, and I thought I'd ask a caring, knowledgeable bunch as I'm feeling pretty confused.

I'm a 21 year old male, I've never had sex and it really doesn't bother me or interest me a whole lot. Any physical intimacy I've had hasn't been incredibly enjoyable (I don't mind kissing, but anyone touching my body makes me uncomfortable) and leaves me with a feeling of regret. 

I find people attractive, but nudity /porn has never done anything for me in terms of arousal. I find emotional bonds to be more intimate for me overall (I've also never really been physically intimate with a person I haven't formed an emotional bond with).

I've only recently thought that these feelings weren't a part of my anxiety (which I've been medicated for and haven't really changed how I feel about all this), but actually my sexuality, and that I could be asexual.

I was wondering if anyone had some insight as to if I come under the umbrella of asexuality or how I would identify if I do as it would give me a heap of peace of mind to understand why I feel this way.

Thanks so much, you guys are lovely and it means a lot.

 

 

Hi @Jazz Matazz I think the above suggestion is the best way to explore the terminology and get a sense of other people's experiences. Reading their stories has given me comfort and eased my mind about so many things. 

 

I can identify with your statement about your sexuality not being something you really thought about. I, too, spent the majority of my life (I am nearly 50) not really thinking about sex or my specific sexuality. I don't know if the following will give you any comfort or insight, but really all you can do in the forum is share your stories and hope something helps.

 

As a young woman, I knew I was attracted to men (thus not strictly asexual by definition) but looking back I found it really hard to be comfortable with the few men who asked me out on dates. Instead, I hung out with a lot of gay male friends. This was during the height of the AIDS epidemic in the mid-80s, so my life was surrounded by death, and a innate fear about having sex of any kind. Not to mention that I had uptight British parents and a few other insecurities that kept sex in the background of my life. At the time, and generally always, I just assumed that my lack of desire was related to all these factors and I kept myself busy with many other activities and making friends, having fun, working and travelling. I have also had chronic depression for years, been on meds (now tapering off) so at other times I attributed my lack of boyfriends/long term relationships and few and far between sexual experiences all related to these factors. I still think it is just a part of who I am. Is it nature or environment/experience that makes me who I am at this time? For other sexual orientations in the LGBT community it is perhaps clearer that you are born in such and such a way, but when you are on the asexual spectrum it is a murkier point I think. 

 

I guess what I am trying to say is that for everyone it is a learning process and your feelings and experiences, and needs, can be fluid. I have maintained close friends around the world (mostly women) who fulfil of my emotional needs and provide love and support, but I have never felt sexually attracted to them. I have had a couple of relationships (2 and 5 years in length) but spent most of my life as a single person. There are different experiences for men and women (due to societal expectations and your own desire or not for children) that can also influence your choices. 

 

You are still young and you sound like you are quite self aware. I hope that you can find some useful information on this site, build up some good e-relationships and then accept yourself and become less confused. The key thing to remember is that whenever you think you are alone...you are not. There is going to be someone out there who will be able to empathise with your situation or at the least be supportive.

 

Wishing you well. 

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c3.jpgWelcome, have some cake, and take your time with labelling yourself. Don't feel pressured to choose just asexuality, there are a lot of variants e.g. Greysexual and Demisexual which you might want to look into too. In the end, the only person who can label yourself is you. Good luck :D

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Thank you so much guys, means a whole lot. This has been really refreshing for me and I've been really confident in how I feel, and embracing parts of me I never really have. Much love. ^_^

 

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Glad to hear you're doing well. ^_^ If you need anything, or have any questions just ask, okay? :D

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