So... do you count as ace if you have a kink?

[prettydarncoolperson]

Hey, all!

 

I'm recently starting to think I'm ace, and I've really appreciated how helpful and welcoming people have been on this site. However, if to be asexual is to not experience sexual attraction, what if someone has a fetish or a kink? Isn't that just sexual attraction pointed in another direction?

 

I, personally, am not very intrigued by sex itself, but definitely have some kinks. For instance, I really like mouths and greatly enjoy kissing, as to me it feels very loving and intimate. I'm trying to figure out if that still makes me asexual or not. If I'm not into sex but am still attracted to women and like other... er... activities, does that truly make me asexual? I guess I'm a little confused on the definition.

 

Thanks for the help!

[TopHatCat]

Hmm, there are a few possibilities here.

 

This community in particular has examined the nature of relationships really carefully because of the inability of traditional definitions to accommodate the asexual identity. We have separated "sexual attraction" from "romantic attraction" in order to make sense of what we now recognize as a legitimate difference.

 

One thing to consider is the lesser known "sensual attraction," which is defined as "having a desire to engage in sensual acts with a certain individual (kissing, cuddling, hugging, hand holding, etc)." This is separate from sexual/romantic attraction.

 

Also, there's the entirety of the gray-asexual identities to account for these idiosyncrasies. So if there are few/specific circumstances in which you experience sexual attraction to another person, or if it happens very rarely, then you could fall under this category.

 

Sexual attraction is a result from another person that you share the vicinity with, and it's even recently been implicated that asexual people use fantasizing of various situations as a kind of medium.

[Lichley]

Welcome, have some cake!