Ray Nimrod

About coming out with your partner

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Ray Nimrod   
Ray Nimrod

Hey everyone ! :cake:

 

If you have/had a relationship with a sexual partner, I'm interested by hearing when and how you talked to your partner/potential partner about asexuality.

 

I'm asking this partly because I'm curious, and partly because I'm in a pinch (I stayed in the closet for now, not telling anyone IRL, and my demisexuality doesn't affect our relationship much, since I feel  physical attraction for her, but I don't want to hide this from her).

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banoffeepie   
banoffeepie

If you feel affection and sexual attraction such that she doesn't twig there's anything 'different' I don't see much urgency in trying to describe your orientation. I never told my wife I just clearly had sex as infrequently as possible and she eventually left .. but even then I've never said anything to her because she won't get it honestly. I think most people would think you were covering up a different problem (being gay, trying to break up with them, excusing an affair etc etc) and never believe your explanation. But that's just me others would insist total honesty is always best.

I'm more likely to tell my kids because they're younger and may get it .. maybe that's an age thing too.

Edited by banoffeepie
apostophe

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NerotheReaper   
NerotheReaper

I just explained it pretty fairly on in knowing them, I was open about it and my past to tell them it is not them. It is me but I still can and like showing affection, just not always sexually. It is a roll of the dice really, some partners are going to be more accepting than others. Though I do recommend trying to tell them rather sooner than later, it is not really easy since you have no idea how they will react. 

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Titchwithpitch   
Titchwithpitch

I only realised I was Asexual very recently, although my Husband had apparently looked into it earlier on in our relationship. He isn't a big person for labels so just sees it as part of who I am. It was difficult, if I had known when we started dating I would have told him straight away(Well I like to think I would have in hindsight, I was even more withdrawn than I am now). It really does affect our relationship though because I really couldn't care less about the sexual aspect and very much struggle partaking in it. I'm all for being honest whenever possible.

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Ray Nimrod   
Ray Nimrod

Thank you for the answers, and I pretty agree with you about honesty, though I don't feel the need to rush. Maybe I'll had a talk about what is asexuality before, to clean any misunderstanding.

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Perilous Poozer   
Perilous Poozer

It's totally down to the individuals and your own relationship! I just straight up told my husband and he was fine, but then I'm sex-positive if not favourable and like to please even if I don't get as much out of it. However we've  been married 13 years and he's an open-minded guy and not particularly libidinous, so in our case it's having a label for something that's always been present rather than a game-changer. I see some the stories on here though and it's heartbreaking. I really hope however you choose to disclose (or not) that it goes well for you ❤️ 🎂 

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