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Is it asexuality? or is it my depression?


reserved-rine

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I am so confused. I can't tell if the lack of sexual feelings is because I'm asexual or because I have depression. I was reading through some posts where it was talking about instances that people who identify as asexual experience. And I connect to a couple of experiences, but I just don't know. Because with my emotions, it isn't just sexual feelings toward people but very devoid of a lot of emotions towards people. Which makes me think that my depression is taking over but then I've never really felt anything in sex. To be honest one of the big reasons that I have had for having sex is that it's what I thought was supposed to be done in the relationship. Or because I felt left out or judged for not having sex so I made it happen? I don't know I'm lost. And I don't want to be a burden but I just don't know what to think. So yeah. 

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Are you taking any medication for depression? A number of psych meds have side-effects similar to what you describe. For legal reasons those side-effects are usually ascribed to the underlying illness, but as long as doctors are afraid of being sued it won't be possible to know whether it's depression or the medications used to treat depression that cause those kinds of problems.

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Dear @reserved-rine. Welcome. I am also a newbie and a 50 year member of the depression club. The answer to your question? Probably a little bit of both, or a whole lot of one and not so much of the other, or.... Sorry sweets, there is no easy answer to this, only you can really sort through your own experiences and do what you are doing...become educated, reach out, talk to people, and then perhaps you will gain some insight. Also @chair jockey has a good question. I have been on sertraline (Zoloft) since 1999. I am currently tapering off of it, but both before and after starting on Zoloft I had the same kinds of experiences you describe, so, again, it depends. I have had times in my life where I have felt sexual (both on and off depression meds), times where I was disgusted by it (both on and off meds), times when I have felt a lack of emotion for other human beings (yup, both on and off meds), times where I was loved, and allowed myself to be loved (on and off meds!), and years of drought with hardly any human contact at all (no hugs, no sex, little self pleasure), and that was both on and off the meds...so my conclusion is that for better or worse, all these experiences and all these parts of my personality are just parts of me. I am forever changing, I am open to learning and continually dig deep inside myself to self analyze my feelings. Not everyone can do that, and it can be a dangerous slope when you are not feeling good, but just keep reaching out and explore this site and I am quite sure you will find out that you are as "normal" as the rest of us.

 

Wishing you well on your journey discovering who you are

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I battle on and off with depression, and have my whole life.
I don't want you to think that just because you are depressed, then that must be the cause of your lack of sexual feelings.
It COULD be, that's true, but there's also a chance that you're asexual.
It took me so long to figure it out, because I always blamed my depression, or wondered "do I simply have a difficult time attaching romantically", "is something wrong with me?"
I see this so often, it's almost like the asexual version of "it's just a phase".
There are other signs I look at in my asexuality to verify my... asexualness.
-
I'm a hopeless romantic, but only when it in no way involves me.
Then I wonder- maybe I just don't like myself, that's why I exclude myself from romance.
-Fragrance commercials and sexual-tension based romances on TV confuse me greatly.
-When I was a teenage and even younger, I never understood crushes.
-I'd never felt that sweep of "love"- head over heels.
-I'd never thought of anyone as "hot", only cute.

I really wish you the best in this process of self understanding. Welcome to AVEN!

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I don't think it really matters what the reason is, just the result.

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I'm new but I have noticed a lot of references to depression already. But then that can come from thinking you're odd!

 

There's a truth in what Philip027 says It probably doesn't help to obsess about the analysis, you just end up racked with doubt and over self-analyse. Do what you feel you want to, and having sex for pleasure certainly isn't on your to-do list by the looks of it so don't. There's a huge community to support you and should your desires shift in the future then follow them. I'm no expert I only discovered this community yesterday! But it's so stress-free telling yourself that you don't have to act in any other way than that which you want.

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arekathevampyre
1 hour ago, banoffeepie said:

I have noticed a lot of references to depression already.

observant !! Yeah , sadly a lot of us have this isssue . And I believe we are trying hard to fight it !! 

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Sorry forgot to say I'm replying to arekathvampyre, haven't got the hang of quoting yet

 

Such a difficult one, I had medication for almost 10 years and it stopped my panic and anxiety but left me duller in the head if you know what I mean. I lost all real perceptive feeling. To give an example I love music, 80's to current mostly indie/punk but I found there were no emotions in me when I listened to music anymore. I stopped the medication and came alive again. I would say music helped me out of my depression (even though most of it has a pretty depressing sound!)

Edited by banoffeepie
replying to comment not original post
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arekathevampyre
13 minutes ago, banoffeepie said:

Sorry forgot to say I'm replying to arekathvampyre, haven't got the hang of quoting yet

 

Such a difficult one, I had medication for almost 10 years and it stopped my panic and anxiety but left me duller in the head if you know what I mean. I lost all real perceptive feeling. To give an example I love music, 80's to current mostly indie/punk but I found there were no emotions in me when I listened to music anymore. I stopped the medication and came alive again. I would say music helped me out of my depression (even though most of it has a pretty depressing sound!)

I was never on medication (not officially diagnosed) so I won't know how I would react to it . But I have heard stories of people (like you) who had adverse effects while on meds so maybe it is best to go without meds (which again is difficult but doable) . I agree that music helped me a lot too (those sad relatable music) . I was on antidepressents for insomnia last time but only took it once because it made me almost unable to wake up (but I like that dreamless and comfy sleep)

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7 hours ago, chair jockey said:

Are you taking any medication for depression? A number of psych meds have side-effects similar to what you describe. For legal reasons those side-effects are usually ascribed to the underlying illness, but as long as doctors are afraid of being sued it won't be possible to know whether it's depression or the medications used to treat depression that cause those kinds of problems.

No, I tend to stray away from the medication because of certain experiences in my life. 

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Thank you all for your replies, your answers, and encouragements! They really help so much! I really appreciate it so much!!  

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