Help A Friend Out?

[NightmareLizbeth]

I'm starting to second guess myself into thinking I'm not asexual, I'm 14(F)

I know asexual means no sexual interactions with any gender but like I'm to young to be thinking about that so it's not that. In my opinion I thought ASEXUALITY meant no sexual interactions with any gender and also NO feelings / ROMANTIC DESIRES for either gender as well. Correct me if I'm wrong. I just need help finding out who I am. 

[Doctor13]

Hi, NightmareLizbeth!

14 is not too young at all, I already kind of knew what I was at 14, I just hadn't heard the name. Anyway, Asexuality (Ace) is when someone doesn't experience sexual attraction - of course, it's a spectrum, so there are those aces who experience attraction when emotional attachment is made or only experience attraction very rarely. Romantic attraction is different, and those who feel no romantic attraction are Aromantics, affectionately called Aro for short. Hope this helps! I'm sure lots of more people will be able to add their own comments and experiences here to help you.

[Doctor13]

By the way, welcome to AVEN! 

There are a lot of resources here to help you connect with others and learn about the Ace spectrum

 

[cinary]

Asexuals can have sexuals interactions with other people if they choose to have them. Asexuality is not being sexualy attracted to other people and not needing sex. If you don't have romantic desires you are aromantic. They are two completely separate orientations (sexual and romantic). I'd suggest to just read a few topics in here http://www.asexuality.org/en/forum/5-questions-about-asexuality/ and if you still have questions you can always ask them  

[Moonchaser]

2 hours ago, NightmareLizbeth said:

In my opinion I thought ASEXUALITY meant no sexual interactions with any gender and also NO feelings / ROMANTIC DESIRES for either gender as well. Correct me if I'm wrong. I just need help finding out who I am. 

Actually no, that isn't what asexuality means. The wiki linked below defines asexuality as a lack of sexual attraction. I prefer to think of it as a lack of sexual desire or interest. Some asexuals do experience romantic love, some even engage in sex. Asexuality is basically a lack of instinctive desire to engage in sexual activity for the sake of sexual activity. Many do for love or to please their partner, OTOH. But many don't, at all. It's a matter of choice.

 

Yes, it's a topic you're young for, but that's what happens when we're young, we start to question these things, if only for future reference. You don't have to settle on a label or way of thinking about this until later, if ever.

 

Have you read any of the AVEN Wiki? Here are a few pages that might interest you:

 

http://wiki.asexuality.org/Asexuality

 

http://wiki.asexuality.org/Romantic_orientation

 

http://wiki.asexuality.org/Sexual_orientation

 

 

[chair jockey]

Well, in terms of nature and biology, we DON'T engage in sexual activity for the sake of sexual activity. We engage in sexual activity in order to reproduce. Sex for pleasure, love, or whatever reason other than reproduction is an artifact, a human invention that other species might have invented independently.

 

I also believe that, biologically speaking, males do not "enjoy" sex. Males have a compulsion to ejaculate, and you can't enjoy a compulsion. Ask any problem gambler whether they "enjoy" gambling, any drug addict whether they "enjoy" taking drugs. Same with the biology of male sexuality. We are conditioned from a young age to believe that males "enjoy" sex so that males will seek sex and therefore propagate the species--which is really done so that the powerful people who enslave the rest of us can keep getting new generations of slaves. But recreational sex is a female invention. How is that? While the male role in reproduction is ejaculation, which is contingent on sexual activity, the female role in reproduction is gestation and child-rearing, which is NOT contingent on sexual activity. Biologically speaking, sex is not part of reproduction for females the way it is for males, so for females sex can be just a fun thing to do. For males it's like having gotten hooked on heroin, which is not fun at all regardless of what normative conditioning would have us believe.

[wussa]

Like what a lot of other people above me have said, asexuality means no sexual attraction. Sexaul attraction is a completely seperate concept from romantic attraction, as well as being seperate from sexual behavior(interactions with others) and aesthetic attraction. You can still think someone is cute or that you would like to have a relationship with them, and even have(or not have) sex without that invalidating your asexuality.

Its also totally ok to question if you're actually asexual. I'm older than you and I'm still find myself sometimes questioning myself. And that's COMPLETELY fine. There's no deadline to figuring yourself out and if you contiue to question till you're 80 or something that's totally fine. Moral of the story is, just be yourself and if you are unsure about something just do some research or reach out to others and you'll be good 

 

 

[time traveller jedi]

Hey, @NightmareLizbeth!!

now I'm 15, but when I first learned about the word "asexual" I was 14, like you. After a long time questioning (a year or so), I realised I identify as ace, and a few months ago I concluded I'm aro. I was kinda scared to use the label at first, because I'm still young, and thinkgs may change in the future... or not. Many aroace people whose stories I've read online say that since they were teens they knew something was different about them. 

I mean, people who are our age usually had already had crushes, and most of them are looking forward to dating or kissing. I've never got crushes, and never found someone "hot", and never related to romantic/sexual subplots on books and movies. I have no idea how to write romance. The ideas of kissing, dating and having sex are kinda weird to me, and sometimes disgusting. I know everyone has their time to figure out their sexual orientation: you may spend years questioning and never figure it out or find the label when you're like, 13. Personally, I'm happy identifying as aroace. The weight of "not being normal" has been lifted of my shoulders, and, despite being out to only two friends, I feel way better with myself. 

 

3 hours ago, NightmareLizbeth said:

NO feelings / ROMANTIC DESIRES for either gender as well

I think this would fit the definition or aromantic rathen than asexual. 

ace: no sexual atraction

aro: no romantic atraction

You can be ace and romantic, just like you can be aro and feel sexual attraction. You can also be aroace, which means you don't experience romantic nor sexual attraction. 

 

If you need to talk, feel free to pm me. Also, check out the "teen corner" at "asexual musings and rantings". There are other teens there who can help you figure this out. 

And, remember: no matter what, there's nothing wrong about you and everything will be alright in the end  

[Lichley]

If someone is old enough at 14 to come out as gay, then they're old enough to come out as asexual.

[Farawaystranger]

Okay. I am going to 100% truthful. 14 is a little to young to come out to people as asexual.  Like, you can question it and leave it as a possibly. I was/Is still in the same position as you a few [3-ish] years ago and currently. It is best to just wait until your older and more certain of yourself. Plus, there is no need to label ourselves at this age. [BTW I am 17.]

[NightmareLizbeth]

7 hours ago, time traveller jedi said:

Hey, @NightmareLizbeth!!

now I'm 15, but when I first learned about the word "asexual" I was 14, like you. After a long time questioning (a year or so), I realised I identify as ace, and a few months ago I concluded I'm aro. I was kinda scared to use the label at first, because I'm still young, and thinkgs may change in the future... or not. Many aroace people whose stories I've read online say that since they were teens they knew something was different about them. 

I mean, people who are our age usually had already had crushes, and most of them are looking forward to dating or kissing. I've never got crushes, and never found someone "hot", and never related to romantic/sexual subplots on books and movies. I have no idea how to write romance. The ideas of kissing, dating and having sex are kinda weird to me, and sometimes disgusting. I know everyone has their time to figure out their sexual orientation: you may spend years questioning and never figure it out or find the label when you're like, 13. Personally, I'm happy identifying as aroace. The weight of "not being normal" has been lifted of my shoulders, and, despite being out to only two friends, I feel way better with myself. 

 

I think this would fit the definition or aromantic rathen than asexual. 

ace: no sexual atraction

aro: no romantic atraction

You can be ace and romantic, just like you can be aro and feel sexual attraction. You can also be aroace, which means you don't experience romantic nor sexual attraction. 

 

If you need to talk, feel free to pm me. Also, check out the "teen corner" at "asexual musings and rantings". There are other teens there who can help you figure this out. 

And, remember: no matter what, there's nothing wrong about you and everything will be alright in the end  

Thank you!!😊

[Lichley]

I know that 14 is a bit young, however you can change your labels later, but if they currently identify as such then who are we to stop them from being themselves?