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WishfulThinker

Need advice from those who have sex but don't get anything out of it

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WishfulThinker   
WishfulThinker

Hi,

 

So I had originally thought that i was asexual - i can feel arousal but trying to masturbate just never worked for me and i was a virgin until last night. I thought i could never truly say i wasn't interested in sex until i tried it, so i tried it. I met a guy on tinder, hung out for a bit, played some drinking games and then we had sex. I'm pretty sure i would have known if i'd orgasmed, so that didnt happen. He went down on me and fingered me but i didn't really feel like i was reaching some heightened state of pleasure that i was expecting. The sex itself wasn't bad (not that i have anything to compare it to) but i'm 26 and i'd already broken my own hymen with a vibrator so that pain wasn't there. Also was my first time kissing a guy and kissing felt weird.

 

I'm trying to figure out if it all felt strange because it was a new experience or if it felt weird because i wasn't really enjoying myself. My brother in law thinks it's probably just weird because it was new, but i'm not convinced. I've never been able to orgasm from masturbation, and i've never really been interested in sex or relationships. 

 

Oddly enough, i wasn't as uncomfortable being naked in front of someone as i thought i would be.

 

Anyway any advice or stories you can share me would be amazingly helpful. 

 

Thank you for listening/reading!

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Sherlocks   
Sherlocks
7 minutes ago, WishfulThinker said:

Hi,

 

So I had originally thought that i was asexual - i can feel arousal but trying to masturbate just never worked for me and i was a virgin until last night. I thought i could never truly say i wasn't interested in sex until i tried it, so i tried it. I met a guy on tinder, hung out for a bit, played some drinking games and then we had sex. I'm pretty sure i would have known if i'd orgasmed, so that didnt happen. He went down on me and fingered me but i didn't really feel like i was reaching some heightened state of pleasure that i was expecting. The sex itself wasn't bad (not that i have anything to compare it to) but i'm 26 and i'd already broken my own hymen with a vibrator so that pain wasn't there. Also was my first time kissing a guy and kissing felt weird.

 

I'm trying to figure out if it all felt strange because it was a new experience or if it felt weird because i wasn't really enjoying myself. My brother in law thinks it's probably just weird because it was new, but i'm not convinced. I've never been able to orgasm from masturbation, and i've never really been interested in sex or relationships. 

 

Oddly enough, i wasn't as uncomfortable being naked in front of someone as i thought i would be.

 

Anyway any advice or stories you can share me would be amazingly helpful. 

 

Thank you for listening/reading!

Generally the first time is thought to be rather awkward but I generally will commit acts for the sake of appearance and keeping my partner happy. I don't have a lot of drive for it.

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Stheg   
Stheg

That sounds weird because it's weird and not weird because it's new. I felt similarly after having sex with my husband and it didn't get better, even after two years of sex. I'm less awkward about bodily fluids and we can actually get the mechanics to work, but that's about it. Trust yourself. You can always have more sex if you want to, but don't try and force yourself to like it. I felt like I had to make myself enjoy sex and put a lot of mental pressure on myself to make sex enjoyable. Now, I am just trying to take it for what it is. I'm accepting that sex doesn't work without lube. I'm accepting that I don't orgasm from sex. I'm accepting that sex is kind of weird. I'm accepting that I don't feel sexual attraction. And self-acceptance is a powerful thing. 

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Perilous Poozer   
Perilous Poozer

My first time was at 28, and it was... not great. I'm now married and do have sex but it's not something I get much out of, other than its nice to do nice things for people you love, and I understand my partner needs it. For us, understanding my orientation has been tremendously freeing as I don't have to feel guilty for not being into it, and my partner understands that my lack of desire isn't lack of love. Agree with Stheg above - acceptance (and lube 😜) is key! 

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roland.o   
roland.o
19 hours ago, WishfulThinker said:

probably just weird because it was new

I read that it's often awkward with a new partner. So don't expect it to become more comfortable with more one night stands.

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DrBreaonSex   
DrBreaonSex

As a sex therapist, I can tell you if you felt nothing or are just going through the motions, it is simply mechanical sex. Something about your partner must touch you if there is to be reciprocal and mutually beneficial sex that is fulfilling. Why perform an act if it is not fulfilling, Wasting your time and energies on anything that does not fulfill you helps no one. Life is far too short. 

DrBreaonSex

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