So confused?

[HHHHHHSAbdojbda]

So I started questioning my sexuality months ago.. around 5-6 months ago. After a few weeks of questioning, I just didn't pay attention to it anymore. I just took a giant break, and didn't think much of it. I'm now questioning again, and I feel like I can't tell if I feel sexual attraction or not. When I see descriptions of what it feels like, I understand, but I also don't understand. It doesn't seem crazy or weird, it just seems a little unfamiliar. 

Ive never ever been turned on by seeing just a regular person, whether I like them or think they're attractive or not. The only way is if whatever I see is sexual. 

is that sexual attraction? When you see someone you like and you are turned on and want to have sex with them?

 

Another thing is that I'm younger, so I thought I just could be a little late. 

I've heard that you're born with your sexuality, but it can also be fluid too. Which one is correct? How often does it change, if fluid?? 

The people around me seem to be interested in sex, but I'm not. 

I just don't understand, everything seems so confusing..

 

[Guest]

@Oreo4me I think it's normal for some sexuals to not be sexually attracted to strangers. I would think it's a small percentage who are like that, though.

 

But yes, an asexual never gets turned on by other people unless they are grey-asexual (they are very occasionally sexually attracted to other people) or demi-sexual (they can be sexually attracted to someone once they have made an emotional connection). An asexual-asexual can desire sex with another person but it's not because they are turned on by that person, it is for any number of other reasons.

[roland.o]

Hello Oreo4me, welcome to the AVEN forums! Have some cake...

 

On 9/7/2017 at 5:19 AM, Oreo4me said:

never ever been turned on by seeing just a regular person

Not every sexual person is turned on by sight. Some need to get acquainted, for example, to appreciate another person and develop attraction.

 

On 9/7/2017 at 5:19 AM, Oreo4me said:

The only way is if whatever I see is sexual.

Make sure to keep arousal apart from sexual attraction. Many asexuals get aroused, it's a biological reaction to certain stimuli. But they still don't desire to actually have sex.

 

On 9/7/2017 at 5:19 AM, Oreo4me said:

Another thing is that I'm younger, so I thought I just could be a little late.

Or you might just be in time. There is no due date by when you must be certain about your orientation.

 

On 9/7/2017 at 5:19 AM, Oreo4me said:

I've heard that you're born with your sexuality, but it can also be fluid too. Which one is correct?

Both are correct, in their own way. The statement that you're born with your sexuality means that it isn't a question of upbringing, education, medication, or whatever. If you're straight, then you are. If you're gay, then you are. If you're ace, then you are. Don't go looking for a reason, don't go looking for a cure, and don't let anyone try to change you. That's what this statement means.

There are some obvious fluctuations in sexuality, like puberty. But some people will also find over time that they desire sex more or less than they used to, that they are going through phases, that they are suddenly interest in the same gender when they used to think they were straight, or the other way round, stuff like that. It might happen to you, or it might not. Don't worry about it now. When you're questioning, look for the feelings in the present. If they change in the future, there's time enough to reconsider.

 

On 9/7/2017 at 5:19 AM, Oreo4me said:

After a few weeks of questioning, I just didn't pay attention to it anymore.

That actually sounds like a good plan to me. You like someone - hang around with them. If you start to get ideas, like cuddling or kissing or more, or if you start to feel jealous, then you can still dig into those feelings. But as long as you don't feel more than "it's nice spending time with XXX", don't worry and spend the time.

 

I hope that some of this is helpful for you. I'm sure you'll be fine, however you'll be!

[MisterSpencer]

On 07/09/2017 at 4:19 AM, Oreo4me said:

So I started questioning my sexuality months ago.. around 5-6 months ago. After a few weeks of questioning, I just didn't pay attention to it anymore. I just took a giant break, and didn't think much of it. I'm now questioning again, and I feel like I can't tell if I feel sexual attraction or not. When I see descriptions of what it feels like, I understand, but I also don't understand. It doesn't seem crazy or weird, it just seems a little unfamiliar. 

Ive never ever been turned on by seeing just a regular person, whether I like them or think they're attractive or not. The only way is if whatever I see is sexual. 

is that sexual attraction? When you see someone you like and you are turned on and want to have sex with them?

 

Another thing is that I'm younger, so I thought I just could be a little late. 

I've heard that you're born with your sexuality, but it can also be fluid too. Which one is correct? How often does it change, if fluid?? 

The people around me seem to be interested in sex, but I'm not. 

I just don't understand, everything seems so confusing..

 

I am attracted to nice people, or people who interest me. Are funny, witty, and intelligent. I am not attracted by the way someone looks, or their 'sex appeal', so I guess if you're like that you are, like me, asexual. 

[roland.o]

23 hours ago, MisterSpencer said:

I am not attracted by the way someone looks, or their 'sex appeal', so I guess if you're like that you are, like me, asexual.

You're jumping to conclusions here. There are demisexuals, sapiosexuals and other groups who are not attracted by the way someone looks, but are still not asexual. It depends on the kind of attraction you experience. It doesn't matter wether it is attraction to the look, to the mind, or to the spirit - if somebody wants to hop into the bed with another, it's sexual attraction. And sexual attraction means not asexual.

[Lichley]

Look into gray asexual, demironantic, sapiosexual etc. But also into the types of attraction in more detail to give yourself a better picture of what you're experiencing.