How do you tell...

[confused&lost]

...your family you're probably going to be single for the rest of your life and its kind of fine with you?

 

what are your experiences with opening up to family? how did they react? how did you feel? what happened?

 

please, i need to hear other people experiences on what happens when you open up?

 

thanks

[Moonchaser]

It probably depends on a lot of things no one here knows, but you. The family, how close you are, what culture you live in, how old you are, and what they've already expressed, if anything, about whether they expect you to pair up. Some families have more intense expectations than others, and only you know your family.

 

Do they really need to know? Or, rather, do you need them to know? Is there a particular reason you feel obligated to tell them, or is it more a need on your part to share? I don't know what culture you live in, but in the US for instance, it wouldn't really be their business unless you make it their business. 

 

Your age could also make a big difference. If you're very young you might feel an obligation, and yet you might be unsure of your orientation as yet, or of how you identify and how you want to live your life in the future. Things can change a lot for us as we move into adulthood.

 

I remember once, in college, getting all inspired about a particular field of study, and mentioning to my parents I thought I wanted to pursue that. I realized a week or so later, that I had no aptitude for it at all and wasn't inclined to do it after all, it had just been a momentary enthusiasm. I wished I had never mentioned it to them.

 

I didn't realize I was ace until my 50s, and I've only told my spouse and my sister.

[Guest]

@Moonchaser summarized it well. I also only recently understood that there are other "options" for where I fit. My family was ecstatic a few years ago when I got engaged....but then I broke up with the guy and no one said a thing. I don't have kids, I have moved around, no one seems to have overtly made any judgements, although I have made judgements of myself and I have questioned myself but no one else really has. That is my distant, uptight British family. Yours is likely to be different...but ultimately the same. The open people will stay open. The closed will stay closed, but if you reveal things about yourself you never know how they will respond.  

[fallenangell]

It depends on your family. It's really none of their business, unless you really want to share that with them, or they constantly ask you about dating, having kids and you feel the need to tell them to get some peace. Which I think are two totally different situations.

Honestly, I hope your family is supportive, but I know mine isn't and I wouldn't genuinely want to discuss private matters with them. For example, I don't want kids (which has nothing to do with sexuality or not, I just don't want any). Well, they tell me I'm gonna have kids soon and they'll babysit, borderline raise them instead of me. I told them I don't want any. They don't listen. Or they tell me, well what if your boyfriend leaves you because of that. That's how I know they're not supportive.

You know best if they can be supportive or not, so it's really your choice ! But you don't owe them "the truth" or anything

[confused&lost]

i dont know... im 35. i guess i just want them to stop wondering what they did wrong with me or whats wrong with me. i want them to stop hoping and deluding themselves and i want me to stop being a disappointment to them. maybe telling them the truth would make them see this is my choice (is it?) ...but im not sure that talking would change anything... or maybe would make things worse?

[fallenangell]

Only you can know if it would bring some understanding in your relationship or make things worse, as you said. There's nothing wrong with you ! And you didn't choose your identity but you do choose to acknowledge it and lead the life that you want, simple as that.