Can someone help me? I'm confused.

[Yogr]

I was a relationship with a guy for 4 years where I was pretty sexually active. We broke up and then with the next bf, I lost interest in sex. I'm with the third bf now, and I don't have a mood anymore. Initially we had it often but now the feeling doesn't exist. In my previous relationships I at least fantatized about others. Now, I don't get aroused by anyone anymore. What's does this mean? Also, after the 2nd bf, I did have a fling with someone for a month. But that died out. And a couple months later, I fell in love with my current bf. But I just can't have sex like before. Why?

 

[Guest]

Hi Yogr. I am not an expert but if you explore this website I think you will find some similar stories as well as an overall place to explore your question about where you fit in the sexual or asexual world. I don't know if you are a woman or man, so I also cannot appropriately give you feedback from my perspective...just explore the topics and open up to knowing there is no answer to the why, it just is what happens and it does depend on the person and the situation.

[Imsoconfusedughgoshdarnit]

Interesting. When you were sexual active, what exactly did you think of sex? It may be a case of getting aesthetic/sensual/romantic attraction interpreted as sexual attraction. That's basically the experience I had, but the more I had sex, the more I realized that it just wasn't doing it for me, and that I preferred the moments where we were just cuddling, or when the sex was completely focused on the other person and didn't involve my genitals. 

 

No matter what the answer for you is, feel comfortable taking the time to find yourself. There is no rush and you shouldn't feel like an attention seeker for this time in your life where you considered asexuality. Once again that's how I felt for a while trying to figure out my place on the spectrum. I'd recommend learning more about the different types of asexuals and the different types of attractions to help explain your feelings.