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What questions/comments are you tired of hearing?


Mashumaroo

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This is mostly a question for people who have come out as ace/demi/other to friends and family. I've heard stories and read articles but as of yet i've not come out (as demi) to anyone yet, for various reasons which are irrelevant to this thread.

 

I'm just curious as to what people commonly hear as responses or questions from sexuals, particularly the more annoying/ignorant/uneducated ones.

Anyone got a story to share?

 

Apologies if this thread or one a lot like has been made before.

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SithAzathoth WinterDragon

I've been told "lat

You're just a lesbian"

"You don't know that yet, you're just not ready. You'll come home with a boyfriend and pregnant and marry" 

"It's not your time yet"

I'm still virgin and in my late twenties. I've never masturbate either and I have no interest in a relationship. I've also found out I might be demiromantic besides homoromantic. 

 

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Being asked if I masturbate is always a pleasure especially when it's done in an accusatory tone. I was also once told by another friend who does not know I am ace that people who do masturbate are not asexual...what is it with people's fascination with my masturbatory habits? I mean I don't ask about theirs or make assumptions based on it.

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"I don't care what you are. Gay, straight or whatever."

"I'm asexual."

"I just want you to know that it's ok to tell me if you're gay, I don't care."

 "I'm not gay. I'm asexual."

"You can trust me, I don't care if you're gay. You don't need to hide anything from me."

 

Repeat for an hour.

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When I came out to my parents, they brushed it off like I was saying something stupid and weird. My father especially always says to me: "When you have kids... When you get married..." and things like that that make me groan in desperation, despite him knowing that I hate when he starts to talk about these topics.

  I remember when I confessed to a boy last year and(He knew already about my crush on him) I was still confused about being asexual so I talked to him and said that I didn't like sex and that I was a little bit repulsed by it.

He then said something that makes me cringe even today:" Well, I can receive (He's bisexual) but if you want I can also give" He smiled at me while on my face was depicted disgust and then he said something that infuriated me even more. "What's the point in being in a relationship, if we can't have sex?" or something along those lines. He was a really nice guy, but knowing him better made me think: "What the heck did I saw in him?".

One day, I said to my uncle that I didn't want kids because I find those little demon creatures unbearable and he immediately started to scold me about it. I don't regret coming out as an Asexual and when someone AGAIN says that I should have kids and be a mother, I'm going to announce to the entire family and ancestors that I'm asexual.

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As a middle-aged guy, this question usually comes up when I am getting to know someone better:

 

So, why didn't you ever get married and have kids?

 

Without hesitation I will reply:  "because I am asexual, meaning I don't experience sexual attraction"  And if the conversation goes further, I explain my disdain for children as well.

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I get tired of people attempting to set me up.  It is actually a fear of mine.  Some people just don't get I'm NOT interested.

 

Honestly, I've subconsciously (even before I figured the ace thing out) set my life up to where for the most part it's a non issue.  There is also in general I'm reasonably vocal about not wanting a boyfriend.

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I have gotten variations of the following the most at certain times in my life, based on societal assumptions, a good number of them before I even knew that what I am had a name:

 

"What do you *do* on Saturday nights!?"  Late teens to late twenties.

 

"When are you going to get married?"  Twenties to mid thirties

 

"When are you going to start a family? Tic Toc..."  Thirties to forties

 

" Aren't you sad you never had kids?"  From fifties onwards

 

"Aren't you afraid you'll die alone!!!???"  Most recently :D 

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As I said I haven't actually come out but I did once or twice have people showing me people on Tinder and asking me "if I'd hit that" etc. After about my fourth "no" I was told I'm 'too picky' and that I'll never find someone unless I lower my standards. Of course my reply was just that I'm fine being alone in that case and they looked at me like I'd just swallowed a nest of angry bees.

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AncientAmateur
23 hours ago, lilgroundhog said:

I get tired of people attempting to set me up.  It is actually a fear of mine.  Some people just don't get I'm NOT interested.

 

I hate this soo much! Through my hobbies, I know quite a few people around my parents ages & it is forever frustrating when I get the "oh you should meet my son!" NO I would rather not!

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  • 2 weeks later...
galaxy defender

I got the "Maybe you're gay and you'd enjoy sex with women instead of men." That was actually from a friend (no longer a friend, for many reasons) who thought maybe she was ace and sex-averse (if not repulsed) until the first time she had sex, then suddenly it was "How can you not enjoy sex? You really don't ever get sexually attracted to anyone? EVER?" Got really frustrated that she went from super open-minded, maybe even also ace, to questioning and disrespecting my sexuality just because she realized she wasn't ace.

 

There's also the "lol I bet you still think about sex though, everyone does." No? Literally never? Why would I? 

 

And the ever-popular: "You just haven't found the right person yet." I don't even want a person lmao go away.

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  • 2 months later...
J. van Deijck
On 03/09/2017 at 3:03 PM, Zsareph said:

"I don't care what you are. Gay, straight or whatever."

"I'm asexual."

"I just want you to know that it's ok to tell me if you're gay, I don't care."

 "I'm not gay. I'm asexual."

"You can trust me, I don't care if you're gay. You don't need to hide anything from me."

 

Repeat for an hour.

does someone have problems with understanding speech?

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J. van Deijck

I'm tired of people asking what's wrong with me.

nothing is wrong. I just don't need sex in my life, I have better things to do.

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I’m tired of other asexuals telling me I have to add a romantic label to my orientation. Guess what? No, I don’t. You do you. I’ll do me. 

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  1. anything about feminists think shit is rude 
  2. Asexuals telling me that im not ace im just sex repulsed...its my life 
  3. people on this site not liking the beautiful word C*nt 
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1. Are you a nun?

2. So this means you don't like anything?

3. You are frigid you mean?

4. You'll grow out of it 

5.Asexuals telling me that sexuals need to accept us so we need to care about our image in their eyes. Thanks to the sexual population  sex is annoyingly shoved into my daily life whether I want it or not so no. I've been disrespected by them, discriminated by them, I'm considered abnormal by them I do not care about my image to them cause they do not care about theirs to me. They are the ones in power due to being a majority and can push whatever they want on a minority and I will not give them even more of that.

6. Asexuality isn't what feminism is about we are fighting for our fight to fk whoever we want (yes I've been told this)

7. ASSXUALS ARE CIS WHITE PEOPLE WHO WANT TO FEEL OPPRESSED ......like shut the fk up and stop invalidating aces of colour.

 

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1. Why don't you want to come to the club? (On a Friday night I might add)

2. Asexual? Is that even a thing? You didn't just create that?

3. Oh, you're just too 'innocent' to understand now. You'll get it later.

 

For number two, my answer is always that the internet exists. For three, the way I see it, there's noting to get unless you're the person saying some of these things.

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The fact that so many people feel sexual attraction, yet don't understand it themselves. The stuff in these posts make me sad. People can know they're asexual even if they've never had sex, you don't need to have sex to know you're (a)sexual. Sexuality isn't whether you have sex or not, it's about who you're attracted to sexually. I could have sex with a girl, and I'm not attracted to girls, that doesn't make me a lesbian.

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The question I get that totally pisses me off is "Are you sure?"

It's like they think I wake up thinking that I chose this. And also I want to identify as male and not female. 

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I had someone say to me, like 5 seconds after learning a. what asexuality was, and b. that I am asexual, that being asexual must be an advantage 'as there are less distractions'

 

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3 hours ago, [noize:injekktion] said:

does someone have problems with understanding speech?

In her defence, she was VERY drunk.

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I did have someone say: well if two aces meet they will become sexual because a minus and a minus equal a plus.

 

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9 minutes ago, Tintinfan said:

I did have someone say: well if two aces meet they will become sexual because a minus and a minus equal a plus.

 

I have an irl friend who is also ace, can confirm not true :P

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"People call themselves asexual for attention"

"You never know if you're asexual until you've had sex"

"Could you stop being asexual just for tonight and have sex with my friend?"

 

I also find it annoying it when people don't think I know ANYTHING about sex whatsoever and when people make sexual jokes including me cause it makes me feel uncomfortable 

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I hate it when people won't explain what certain things are because I'm "too innocent". They say I'll find out when I'm older...I'm older than them. I'm in college, when will I be old enough for them to tell me? I'm always picked on for it (sometimes friendly, sometimes not). I wish they'd just tell me.

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When my mum told my dad that I'm ace, he asked her "does she... you know... touch herself?" Which is 1) super weird, 2) none of your business, and 3) not something I want my dad to think about. I've only "come out" to my parents and my close friends, who do not give a single flying fuck if I'm ace/aro. (One of my friends was actually the one to tell me that asexuality exists, so I never had any doubts there.) I guess I'm lucky, because I've gotten away with only one weird comment.

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I've been unfortunate enough to have had the overwhelming majority of my interactions with people where sex and sexual behavior is brought up as a topic of conversation - those people are far too immature to be discussing topics such as those.  There are a whole lot of people who have no idea what constitutes an appropriate level of topic discussion.  Protip: asking me personal questions about the functioning of my penis or my masturbatory schedule is not appropriate.

 

I have a very standoffish personality where I don't feel as though I need to explain myself to people or be made to feel as though I need to defend a position.  So, over the last few years when the topic of dating or some indecent proposal from someone has been directed towards me, I just give a polite "no thank you" or "I do not wish to discuss this with you", and that's as far as it goes.

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