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Curiosity Question for Sexuals


Artemis.

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When you develop a 'crush' does that mean you automatically have the feeling of wanting to have sex with them, or does that feeling come later?

I have recently discovered that I am asexual, at first I thought I must be demisexual because I have a 'crush' on a particular person. This is also the first time of having any of these sorts of feelings for somebody, and it was only after spending a significant amount of time with him. But now the more I think about it, I have realised that I don't have 'sexual' feelings for him.

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nanogretchen4

For years before I actually had my first sexual relationship I did not consciously want to have sex with the woman I had a crush on. In hindsight I did get a little bit aroused when I was around her, but it was all mixed together with a very intense emotional connection. I thought about her all the time and when I wasn't with her I was counting the minutes until I could see her again. We would go on a lot of long walks together and write notes to each other even though we saw each other every day. It was a pretty intense best friend relationship on both sides. Around age 16 when we would go on walks together I would sometimes think about holding her hand or even kissing her, but I didn't dare. Near the same time she went on a few dates with a boy and I was super jealous. That's about when it occurred to me that I was probably gay. (I'm bisexual and demisexual as it turns out.) Even after all that I wasn't really having explicit sexual thoughts about her, but in handsight I very clearly had a mix of sexual and romantic feelings for her. 

 

In later cases where I had a crush on someone I was likely to have more specifically sexual thoughts about them because by that time I had sexual experience. But since the crush still develops out of a long friendship the crush doesn't have a really clear starting point. Realizing that I've starting thinking of someone sexually is sometimes my wake up call that my feelings for them are more than platonic.

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For me, a desire for sexual intimacy comes with romantic feelings, like at the same time. I am completely unable to desire sexual intimacy with anyone if those romantic feelings aren't present though. And the desire for sex can still exist regardless of whether or not I'm aroused. For some people it takes them longer to want sex though and for some they might not develop the romantic feelings until AFTER they've started wanting and having sex with that person so it totally just depends on the person! :)

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Grumpy Alien
49 minutes ago, Artemis. said:

When you develop a 'crush' does that mean you automatically have the feeling of wanting to have sex with them, or does that feeling come later?

I have recently discovered that I am asexual, at first I thought I must be demisexual because I have a 'crush' on a particular person. This is also the first time of having any of these sorts of feelings for somebody, and it was only after spending a significant amount of time with him. But now the more I think about it, I have realised that I don't have 'sexual' feelings for him.

No, a crush just implies romantic attraction to me. Sexual attraction comes later. I thought I was asexual for many years because of this misconception.

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Treesarepretty
2 hours ago, nanogretchen4 said:

For years before I actually had my first sexual relationship I did not consciously want to have sex with the woman I had a crush on. In hindsight I did get a little bit aroused when I was around her, but it was all mixed together with a very intense emotional connection. I thought about her all the time and when I wasn't with her I was counting the minutes until I could see her again. We would go on a lot of long walks together and write notes to each other even though we saw each other every day. It was a pretty intense best friend relationship on both sides. Around age 16 when we would go on walks together I would sometimes think about holding her hand or even kissing her, but I didn't dare. Near the same time she went on a few dates with a boy and I was super jealous. That's about when it occurred to me that I was probably gay. (I'm bisexual and demisexual as it turns out.) Even after all that I wasn't really having explicit sexual thoughts about her, but in handsight I very clearly had a mix of sexual and romantic feelings for her. 

 

In later cases where I had a crush on someone I was likely to have more specifically sexual thoughts about them because by that time I had sexual experience. But since the crush still develops out of a long friendship the crush doesn't have a really clear starting point. Realizing that I've starting thinking of someone sexually is sometimes my wake up call that my feelings for them are more than platonic.

My first intense crush was in high school and was just like this. We would walk around the school enjoying each other's company. I never thought about sex with her. 

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