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float on

What are you thinking: Gender Edition :)

Recommended Posts

Emery.

I read My Gender Workbook! In pdf.

 

Once when I was buying men's clothes, the cashier went into a "sup dude!" sort of talk with me :P It's nice how some people are positive about trans folk :) Yo :P

 

Yesterday's dysphoria is gone.

I want a sweet rocker guy boyfriend :wub:

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Santa's Little Elf

I secretly feel like banging my head against a wall hoping these feelings will go away and honestly, i'm tired of this constant battle in my head.

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Kimmie.
1 hour ago, Jayce said:

I secretly feel like banging my head against a wall hoping these feelings will go away and honestly, i'm tired of this constant battle in my head.

*hugs* man is there anything i can do for you?

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float on

well, my recent lookin-in-the-mirror-seeing-me-for-once is gone. now I'm back to lookin in and seeing a strange masculine stranger lookin back. who is that person? it can't be me?

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Dan99

tmi/nsfw

Spoiler

"It's normal for girls to hate the 'girlness' of their bodies, right? All girls want dicks at some point just out of curiosity, right? My one friend is a cis girl and she wants one constantly just to see what it's like. A lot of girls must secretly be trans men, right...? I mean, who would want to be a girl anyway? Why wouldn't anyone want a penis? What's wrong with me? Am I delusional? Am I just tricking myself into something? Is it because of something that happened to me? Am I just attracted to how I imagine myself as a guy? Am I confusing being hetero for being trans? Why do I want to be a guy so much? Why can't I like being a girl? I can't even draw myself anymore, even if it's cartoony, I just hate how I look so much. I've felt unmotivated and sad because of this confusing shit. Why when I was younger couldn't I have been excited to grow boobs? Why couldn't I have just stopped crying after finding out periods where natural and that every other girl had them? Why wasn't I excited that I would grow into a woman some day? Am I just tomboyish and taking it too far? Am I being unrealistic? *insert more spewing of doubt and anxious thoughts*

 

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float on

it was really nice my psych today he was responsive to my anxiety and didn't pressure me into doing what I didn't do last week which we agreed I'd focus on. i "ranted" about my experience at the convention and he listened. he reminded me that to be willing to go out as a woman and then be at the con alone and eat in public dressed as a woman and come home in public transit was all a very big thing and being reminded of that was very reassuring. I'm glad to finally have someone like him to talk to, after so many therapists (4?) who we just didn't click right.

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float on
19 hours ago, (D)anny said:

tmi/nsfw

  Hide contents
  1. "It's normal for girls to hate the 'girlness' of their bodies, right?
  2. A lot of girls must secretly be trans men, right...?
  3. I mean, who would want to be a girl anyway?
  4. Am I just attracted to how I imagine myself as a guy?
  5. Am I being unrealistic?
  6. *insert more spewing of doubt and anxious thoughts*

 

to answer the ones I can in the same order (not that you asked for it tho :unsure: )

 

 
  1. the expectations of femininity and/or masculinity can be stressful for a lot of folks, many things about being with a female-type body can be frustrating as well. dunno if it's common or not, to hate it. but it's understandable to.
  2. no, I don't think so (about secretly being trans). I see a lot of people proud of their gender. I see a lot of people who don't really care about gender. I only see a few people who are trans. well, a lot at the convention xD but, maybe there is some pattern of relation - but if there is IDK. but I don't think there's a lot of people secretly trans. er, I think a lot of trans people are secretly trans tho :unsure: but  I think there's a lot more of folk who aren't trans, even if they have gender-related anxieties. sorry that I'm not really answering the question of your identity, but honestly I can't know that.. I can only respond according to my assumptions about the world as a whole, or about myself.... :unsure:  tell me to STFU if I'm not helping xD
  3. I do :P
  4. idk 'bout you but well I thought my , er, "girls who are heroes for me - people I look up to" form of liking people was normal sexual attraction before I found out what normal sexual attraction really was.
  5. no... like... it's hard to really know before you really know. the questions you ask are good questions to ask. I can't really recommend any certainty of response tho but you'll find certainty by asking yourself questions like these... the frustration is there first , for sure, and it's annoying that's for sure. but you're on the right track to knowing yourself better IMO. I wish that wasn't a difficult thing to do :unsure:
  6. it's going to be OK. you will be OK. we're all on this site, rootin for ya on this  and for each other too :)

if it helps put things in perspective, I was not really aware that I was trans until 23, and it took me about 4 years to get to the point where I feel comfortable now. and I'm not really "out" yet, only sorta - to the people who matter anyway. I still have doubts now and again, and anxieties, tho I try not to speak to them much, as they now for me are temporary frustrations... right now most my ongoing doubts are related to, how to navigate the goals of transition for myself. before tho, for over 3 years, I had constant anxiety and self-doubt about sexuality and gender alike. before then I just didn't actually think about it too much - tho there are definitely things I can look back to now and, now, say, "oh, that was about being a girl actually"

 

I dunno I can't identify who you are except by making assumptions and so it wouldn't really be right. but I can say that, well taking what seems to be a question of "masculine/tomboy girl" v "transguy" v "nonbinary person" well whichever you find to feel speaks to you most in the end, any of them can be a valid claim. Which do you feel speaks to you most, which describes you best? or, do they all miss the mark too much? that is a question which is ok to take time to answer IMO. and the only person you need to answere it to is yourself (that is, if you feel you need to know)

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float on

lookit me triple posting! so daring :o

 

I confess, I'm not wearing a bra today, but I'm wearing two tops. does that count? xD

 

 

also my dad said he really was happy to be at the convention on saturday, which surprised me.  he said, it was nice to be able to talk about it knowing people were receptive to the conversation. I asked him if he felt like people weren't receptive otherwise, and he thought for a sec then said, that he just hasn't felt comfortable bringing such topics up. and I said, yeah I get that.

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Dan99

"What if I met myself as a guy from an alternative universe or something? What if I could just meet a clone of myself period? *proceeds to imagine something out of Rick and Morty with me and my other self going back and forth from being friends........with myself, to arguing with each other about how stupid we both are*"

 

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Santa's Little Elf

I never wear a bra unless i have to. The idea of having to wear one all the time just makes me feel..meh. I have to try that binder again and see if i need to order a new one since i've lost that much weight <_<

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Kimmie.

I have been thinking more and more about coming out. To be could guy,man,brother,son it just annoys more and more, it should be girl,woman,sister, daughter. Because that is what I am.

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Phoenix the II

My face turned a little more girlie. I can see this working a little :3

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Kimmie.
2 minutes ago, Phoenix the II said:

My face turned a little more girlie. I can see this working a little :3

What do you mean?:)

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Phoenix the II
Just now, Kimmie. said:

What do you mean?:)

So much less beard shadow nowadays already. From laser hair removals xD

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Kimmie.
3 minutes ago, Phoenix the II said:

So much less beard shadow nowadays already. From laser hair removals xD

Aww that make me so happy for you and jealous in the same time.

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Kimmie.

Gosh i cant get that i have been so blind for so long! When i think back i see so many signs that it was something with me. I think i did the the " ballons under shirt" but with paper easter eggs(one like this:

Spoiler

oppna-agg.jpg

for the first time when i was 14-15 maybe?

 

And so many thoughts and dreams over the years. How can have been this blind!!!

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F1shCake

Why couldn't I have known I was trans earlier so I could go on puberty blockers :(

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Dan99

"I can't be a guy. I don't even feel like one. Being around girls feels more natural to me. I like being friends with girls and have no problem with it, I just don't want to be one..."

 

I don't really care who I'm friends with, though. Their gender doesn't mater to me, all that matters is that I like them. I just feel like I wouldn't fit in with guys and don't really want to. just like I feel like I don't fit in with a lot of other girls because i'm not into girly things. idk. i'm probably just thinking of it in a stereotypical way.

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float on

I confess that I really like (d)anny's avatar, hehe

 

re body

is it weird that I swear I can tell my breast have grown a little?

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Dan99

Today I've been thinking of myself as both but neither genders at the same time. I'm so confused it's weird. Sometimes I feel like I kind of like being a girl, but at the same time I don't. right now I feel like if I could be a guy, I would want to be a girl again.

 

questioning gender is like the schrodinger's cat theory and god it's annoying. I just want it to stop. I want to either be fine with being a girl, magically wake up as a guy, accept whatever the hell else I am, or just forget about that I ever did this in the first place. I've said it so many times, but I feel bad for imagining myself as male and liking it so much that I start to hate myself.

 

Why do I even bother when I'm never going to transition because It won't do what I want and i'm terrified of surgery (and never want to come out about this questioning to my parents because they won't believe me and think i'm being gullible or crazy or something) and won't use different pronouns?

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Emery.

Danny, I'm really wondering how to help you out of this mess :P , but maybe you just need to freak out a bit before being ready to look at it practically... 

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Emery.

And gender stuff settled? I can't believe it. I can't. Some coming outs are ahead of me possibly, still.

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Santa's Little Elf

Ugh..my head is spinning from all the gender stuff my brain seems to be interested in

 

*crawls under a blanket to hold a pity party* 

 

*sigh* 

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Kimmie.
26 minutes ago, Jayce said:

Ugh..my head is spinning from all the gender stuff my brain seems to be interested in

 

*crawls under a blanket to hold a pity party* 

 

*sigh* 

*Hugs* man it gets better.:) A wise man once told me that, I think you know him:)

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Dan99

"trying to understand my gender or the concept of gender is like trying to understand abstract art or the scale of the universe"

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LeDeer

I though to be pretty sure about my gender identity, but after reading the many definitions/POVs of agender, I feel like it fits me more. I don't really feel attached to either male or female, I don't care about pronouns and I would like my body to look as "neutral" as possible. Androgynous applies better to my gender expression.

Soo, never though I would end up identifying as agender aromantic asexual. At least for now :D

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float on

sometimes I wonder if past celebs were trans before it was available enough for them to know/come out. we can't know tho, and it's rude to make assumptions I suppose. but, I can like who I like because of being reminded that it's ok to be trans, if I so like -_-

 

 

*dance dance dance through the fire*

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Dan99
1 hour ago, float on said:

sometimes I wonder if past celebs were trans before it was available enough for them to know/come out. we can't know tho, and it's rude to make assumptions I suppose. but, I can like who I like because of being reminded that it's ok to be trans, if I so like -_-

 

 

*dance dance dance through the fire*

"<celebrity name> IS/WAS TRANSEXUAL??!!! MAN TURNS INTO WOMAN/WOMAN TURNS INTO MAN!! AMAZING RESULTS!!! HE/SHE'S A WOMAN/MAN NOW!!! OMFG!!!! (GONE SEXUAL!!!) NOT CLICKBAIT!!!" *article uses the wrong pronouns constantly and talks about being transgender as if it's a fashion or something* <_<

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Dan99

"What's wrong with me? Why am I doing this to myself? What am I thinking?? I should be normal. I should forget I ever started thinking about this. *a lot of other shit I'm too tired to type up*"

 

this has been a post about my daily anxiety.

 

(sarcastic yay)

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