Am9462 Posted August 29, 2017 Share Posted August 29, 2017 Ok I've been In a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 9 months and we have never had sex. He masturbates but when it comes to physical intimacy he has no desire for it. He says he understands it as a physical act but sees no need for it. I on the other hand am a very sexual person and I ask this bc I'm feeling so repressed with him. I've almost cheated a few times and I don't want to hurt him. I just want to know if he's asexual. After that I can go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted August 29, 2017 Share Posted August 29, 2017 Get him to read the AVEN wiki and probably the forum and see if it chimes with him. But in a way it doesn't matter: whatever he decides to call himself, if you're not happy in the relationship and you can't find a compromise, the relationship isn't going to work. Have a look in the Friends and Allies section and see where you'll probably be a few years down the line. Link to post Share on other sites
Zsareph Posted August 29, 2017 Share Posted August 29, 2017 Welcome to AVEN 🍰 He could be asexual, maybe suggest it to him or link him to this site. Regardless of whether he is ace or not, you two will need to talk about the relationship, be clear what both of you want from it and what you wouldn't feel comfortable doing. For example, some asexuals feel repulsed by sex, while others are fine coming to a compromise on how often they have sex. Some only feel comfortable with certain sexual acts while others can't do any. On the flip side, sexual partners may only feel comfortable going a certain length of time without sex or wouldn't feel satisfied with only some activities and not others, this may or may not be compatible with their partner. Some relationships become open, with the sexual partner being able to satisfy their sexual needs with someone else, however this doesn't work for a lot of people and some don't feel comfortable even trying it. It might be possible to come to a compromise where both of you are content with the relationship. What's important is that neither of you should feel like you're doing something you don't want to, whether that's having sex when you don't want to or not having sex at all/enough. If you can't reach a compromise, then it's better to break up and look for someone more compatible than have one or both partners be unhappy. I also recommend looking on the Sexual Partners, Friends and Allies section for support and advice Link to post Share on other sites
nanogretchen4 Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 If you've been with this person for only nine months and you've nearly cheated a few times this is clearly not meant to be. I think you should make a clean break and move on. As you return to the dating pool, remember that you don't need to have a committed longterm relationship with everyone you go on a few dates with. If an obvious deal breaker emerges in the early stages of getting to know someone admit that it's a deal breaker. Link to post Share on other sites
TheAP Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 Moved from Questions about Asexuality to For Sexual Partners, Friends and Allies. TheAP Questions about Asexuality co-mod Link to post Share on other sites
Treesarepretty Posted September 1, 2017 Share Posted September 1, 2017 I second @nanogretchen4. It sounds like you are telling us that you are going to leave him. Link to post Share on other sites
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