Vikki0162 Posted August 29, 2017 Share Posted August 29, 2017 Iv been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years he has always been straight and has 2 children. He told me that 5 years ago he was playing with him self in the car and a man come to the window so he pleasureed the man at the same time. He said he dosnt know why he done it. Just recently we broke up for a few weeks and during that time I found that he had joined a gay swinging website there was lots of messages of him asking to meet men for sexual contact and oral but despite his efforts a meet didn't happen, he said he wouldn't of gone through with it but I'm not so sure, he said it's purely sexual desperation. He also admitted that it was his 2nd sign up to the website. I don't understand.... Help please. Link to post Share on other sites
malacat Posted August 29, 2017 Share Posted August 29, 2017 (Please put a TMI note in the thread title for sexual content ) Only you boyfriend can know if he is bisexual or any other orientation. If he is bisexual, just know that it is natural and normal. Just because a bi person is attracted to one gender does not necessarily mean that they are less attracted to someone of another gender. In other words, if your boyfriend is bi, he did not love you any less. A bi person might have children. A bi person might only ever have previously dated one gender or not dated at all. I encourage you to talk to him about how you're feeling. Sexuality can be really confusing. He might reiterate what you have mentioned--that it was desperation--or he might come out. What is important is that you both listen to each other. He might be straight, he might come out, or he might not be ready to come out. Whatever he decides, respect the identity that he tells you. 21 minutes ago, Vikki0162 said: Just recently we broke up for a few weeks I'm writing this assuming you are back together. If not, I am sorry about the breakup and will make adjustments to advice as needed Link to post Share on other sites
Anarchist Beauty Posted August 29, 2017 Share Posted August 29, 2017 Two things... 1. Why do you feel compelled to have this question answered? 2. Why not ask your boyfriend if he is bisexual, because I am fairly certain he's going to be able to give you an answer better than strangers online who don't know him. Link to post Share on other sites
iff Posted August 29, 2017 Share Posted August 29, 2017 moved from sexual partners, friends & allies to the gray area Iff, Moderator, sexual friends, partners & allies Link to post Share on other sites
Busrider Posted August 29, 2017 Share Posted August 29, 2017 "Not yet"? I'd call what you described "proof of bi-curiosity". 3 hours ago, malacat said: Only you boyfriend can know if he is bisexual or any other orientation. I'd say "could" instead of "can", since maybe he doesn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Vikki0162 Posted August 29, 2017 Author Share Posted August 29, 2017 4 hours ago, malacat said: (Please put a TMI note in the thread title for sexual content ) Only you boyfriend can know if he is bisexual or any other orientation. If he is bisexual, just know that it is natural and normal. Just because a bi person is attracted to one gender does not necessarily mean that they are less attracted to someone of another gender. In other words, if your boyfriend is bi, he did not love you any less. A bi person might have children. A bi person might only ever have previously dated one gender or not dated at all. I encourage you to talk to him about how you're feeling. Sexuality can be really confusing. He might reiterate what you have mentioned--that it was desperation--or he might come out. What is important is that you both listen to each other. He might be straight, he might come out, or he might not be ready to come out. Whatever he decides, respect the identity that he tells you. Hide contents I'm writing this assuming you are back together. If not, I am sorry about the breakup and will make adjustments to advice as needed I have told him it's nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of, he knows I wouldn't judge him. When ever I talk about it to him he just shouts and screams at me so I know his angry with himself and confused, that's why I asked the question to see if anyone has has a similar experience as he dosnt know how he feels. We arnt back together yet as there's lots of problems but this isn't really the reason why we arnt together Link to post Share on other sites
Vikki0162 Posted August 29, 2017 Author Share Posted August 29, 2017 4 hours ago, Anarchist Beauty said: Two things... 1. Why do you feel compelled to have this question answered? 2. Why not ask your boyfriend if he is bisexual, because I am fairly certain he's going to be able to give you an answer better than strangers online who don't know him. 1. I asked the question to see if anyone has had a similar experience or feelings that could advise me how I can help him. 2. He dosnt know of he is or not. He won't talk about it much just gets angry. Link to post Share on other sites
malacat Posted August 29, 2017 Share Posted August 29, 2017 I think I understand a little better why you were asking. You mentioned that he is uncertain about his sexuality ( @Busrider sorry that my semantics were confusing--I did mean this possibility too). From his reaction, it seems he is not ready to talk about it. If you have told him that you are there for him if he needs to talk, I think that is the most you should do. 5 hours ago, Vikki0162 said: I asked the question to see if anyone has had a similar experience or feelings that could advise me how I can help him While I do not have experience with relationships, I do have experience with questioning sexuality. I honestly think he needs time and an environment where he feels supported and not pressured. It took me years to come out to myself and longer to come out to others--there are people in my life that I am still not out to. It can be a scary processes coming out to yourself let alone others. I have friends that questioned or are questioning their sexuality and are slowly coming out. Even if you know someone would be supportive, it can still be really hard to tell them. Link to post Share on other sites
remanyssa Posted September 1, 2017 Share Posted September 1, 2017 the best solution will be to ask him directly. As said up, you will have a clear awnser. Link to post Share on other sites
MelMart Posted September 2, 2017 Share Posted September 2, 2017 In this community it is not encouraged to label people, people label themselves. I don't see why you're so curious to know about his sexual orientation and moreso asking on this site. That should be between you and him, and even then, I don't feel like you're entitled to know. Give him time. Link to post Share on other sites
nanogretchen4 Posted September 5, 2017 Share Posted September 5, 2017 I doubt that he is totally straight. If it had been just that one incident in the car, well, maybe he stumbled into that situation by accident while already horny and maybe it was just an experiment. Although, why was he masturbating in a car where other men could see him? There's a good chance that was a gay cruising area and he drove there for that purpose. Joining a gay hookup website on two occasions, rather than for example a straight hookup website, suggests a fairly persistent and serious interest in sex with other men. But his angry refusal to talk about it shows that he is confused and/or in denial. If he is gay a hetero relationship is not going to work out well in the long term. Even if he is bi, it really sounds like he needs some time to explore that side of himself and figure some things out before he can commit to a monogamous hetero relationship. I think the break up was probably for the best and I would advise staying broken up. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.