mcsquared Posted October 21, 2003 Share Posted October 21, 2003 Hi there. Just two unrelated and maybe naive questions. Someone went to a lot of trouble to spell out definitions and types of asexuality as well as making distinctions between them and celibacy or hyposexuality. Just wondering about if there was something like a deep-rooted fear of sex that could be distinct from asexuality. Also, Viagra is everywhere these days as the solution for upping people's sex drives, so just curious if anyone's tried it, been told to take it or thinks it would change your asexuality. Link to post Share on other sites
AVENguy Posted October 21, 2003 Share Posted October 21, 2003 Who exactly went to alot of troubel to map out a difference between asexuality and hyposexuality (I don't see much of an intrinsic one, except socially.) As for your second question, the fact that someone is afraid of sex already means that they care about it much more than most asexuals do. Someone could certainly be afraid of sex AND be asexual, but there's no reason to make a correlation. Asexuals don't care about sex, people who are deeply afraid of it do. As for viagra, can't say I've tried it (though I think it's a dueced interesting cultural phenominon.) That being said, from what I understand it makes you horny, it doesn't increase the level to which you're sexually attracted to people. If an asexual took viagra she/he'd probably just masturbate more. Link to post Share on other sites
Jayann Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 I'm with AVENguy. I can't imagine Viagra would change asexuality more than it could homosexuality. There is a difference between a natural (dis)inclination for sex and (a lack of) horniness. Fear of sex is probably indicative of sexual repression. That is, a desire for sex exists, but for whatever reasons the individual is afraid of their own feelings. Asexuals generally have nothing to fear since there is no desire for them to be afraid of. I am personally disgusted by the sex act (I think it's ridiculous and bestial) but I'm not afraid of my own desires, since I have none. Your questions weren't naive. :) Always better to ask whatever questions you have. If not for questions, there'd be no progress. Hope I helped. Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 Viagra just affects your body and not your mind i.e. it doesn't make you want sex any more than you normally would, it just makes you capable of having it. People who take it normally WANT it, but are unable to have it for whatever reason. Which is why if a man who has no physiological problem in having sex takes it he can remain 'ready to go' for hours and hours, far longer after he'd lost interest. So I don't think Viagra would do much for our guys here at AVEN except make them go: 'Well, would you look at that? That's just gonna offend someone.' Cate Link to post Share on other sites
JKReagan99 Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 I agree. Viagra is more used to help people who want sex already, but have problems, as it just makes someone more easily arroused, but it doesn't nesessarily add to someone's desire, so it probably would have a minimal to no effect on asexuals... Link to post Share on other sites
Gorax Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 I've always wanted to try that Viagra garbage, just to prove everyone that it wouldn't work. Doing so would be encouraging the spam bots who regularly have their way with my in-box though. Link to post Share on other sites
mcsquared Posted October 23, 2003 Author Share Posted October 23, 2003 I'm with AVENguy. I can't imagine Viagra would change asexuality more than it could homosexuality. There is a difference between a natural (dis)inclination for sex and (a lack of) horniness. What is the difference? The first is more mental and the second more physical? I didn't understand Avenguy's reference to masturbation--it seems like if you masturbate, there is something responding sexually in your body. Based on people's postings, it seems like a lot of people are "asexual bisexuals" or women or man centered or whatever which would seem to put the sexual inclinations on one spectrum separate from who you're attracted to. This is hand waving I guess since it's too complex but the volume control with asexuals on 0 kind of made sense as an analogy. I mention the Viagra because it was mentioned in an article on women's sexuality in Discover or Newsweek or something in the last year or so but unfortunately I don't have the reference off hand. In general it was saying that a lot of women had a low sex drive and that they had "cured" many by giving them female Viagra. My gut feeling was that if so many women had this problem maybe THAT was the normal state and the woman with high sex drives were the abnormal. I mean if the modus operandi is that it's only a psychological problem if you think it's one, and you're being bombarded with messages from this culture that you're supposed to enjoy sex and have it so much, then people who don't will think there's something wrong with themselves... Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted October 23, 2003 Share Posted October 23, 2003 'it's only a psychological problem if you think it's one' EXACTLY! Cate Link to post Share on other sites
Jayann Posted October 23, 2003 Share Posted October 23, 2003 The difference is the natural lack of desire. Just as a gay man naturally lacks the desire to have sex with women, so asexuals naturally lack the desire to have sex with anyone. Impotent men aren't lacking a sex drive. They're just lacking the ability to make their body parts cooperate. Asexuals have no sex drive, or if they do, it's a detached thing not linked to attraction. Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted October 23, 2003 Share Posted October 23, 2003 Right. Like saying a pill could make a gay man desire a woman sexually. Uh...no. It would make him physically capapble of having sex with a woman, but it wouldn't make him want to. Cate Link to post Share on other sites
emmaseek Posted October 23, 2003 Share Posted October 23, 2003 I nabbed this off of a site about Female Hypoactive Sexual "Disorder" (quotation marks added by me *grin*): Viagrathe little blue pill may help jump-start your sex life as long as "you have the desire to engage in sex and have been stimulated enough for it to take effect," say the Bermans. It's especially helpful if your lack of desire is related to hysterectomy or menopause. Physicians aren't exactly sure how Viagra helps rekindle lust—the Bermans are investigating how it works in their clinic—but they know it helps women achieve arousal, which is the phase that comes after desire, by increasing blood flow to the So I guess for us asexual women, this little blue pill would do nothing, LOL. (as a sidenote, I'm positively floored by how important sex is to some people that they will use a drug WHOSE EFFECTS AREN'T EVEN FULLY KNOWN YET just so that they can have more sex!!!) I also found this little gem on the same page: In order for a woman to be considered to have a sexual disorder, the symptoms must be persistent and pervasive and her problem must cause her personal distress Just bolstering my pre-prepared argument to anyone who asks that being asexual isn't a problem if I'm happy with myself the way I am. (blah, because I mentioned my total lack of interest in sex for the first time tonight to a friend, and she said "awww" to me :x . I said, "don't 'awww' me - I like many more things that make me happier than sex!" But I guess I had better get used to that reaction... sigh...) Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted October 23, 2003 Share Posted October 23, 2003 Great, Emma! Love it and you're absolutely correct: as long as it doesn't bother you then it's not a problem. I'd be willing to bet what is causing 'personal distress' in these women are their partners telling them there's something wrong with them for having a lower sex drive than they do. I hope that makes sense, there's a lot of 'theys' in that statement. And onto the 'Awww, you poor deprived dear' reaction...yeah...schmucks. Right after they say that you should go: 'I also have no desire to shoot up heroin, isn't that sad for me? As I hear it's such fun for the people who do it.' Just blow them a big raspberry. Cate Link to post Share on other sites
Bestatued Head Posted October 23, 2003 Share Posted October 23, 2003 I hope one day they'll make a pill to make people see what big assholes this human race has become. Look at us, basing our existence on the problems of others, and then when we find out nothing is wrong with us we get pissed 'cause we are all boring. People just assume things happen to them, they're a victim (Aww no erection... I am hated by god), and they think a pill can help. I think those dudes need to get off their asses and create a thier future, not ot mention getting more in depth in a relationship than just fucking their girl. Link to post Share on other sites
anythingtestdead Posted October 23, 2003 Share Posted October 23, 2003 OH my gosh!!!!!!!i tottaly forgot about this!!!!...........a while back, my phsyciatrist and i and my mom some how got on the topic of girl friends or somthing like that, and she said,,,"do you have a girl friend?",,,,,i siad "NO" then she asked "do you like girls??" then i expalained to her that i didnt like girls and didnt want a girl friend and didnt like guys either and i just dont care about that stuff(i didnt know what asexuality was at the time)..........so behing the pill pushing quak ass doctor bitch that she was,, you can guess what she suggested i take for this "problem".... the fuckin cunt had me on all kinds of anti depressants and shit all at once and fucked me up............fuckin bitch... FUCK PSYCIATRY!!!!!!! I soooooooo wanted to find a way to seriously fucking destroy ELLI LILLY....... those money hungry muther fuckers with all there ADD bullshit... Loading up children on drugs just cuz they dont fit in and they are different..............that shits just fucking wrong........ i know im ranting ........ill stop now,,.................YOUR GOIN DOWN ELLI LILLY!!!!!!!!!(well, not really but I wish....) Link to post Share on other sites
JKReagan99 Posted October 23, 2003 Share Posted October 23, 2003 On the note of ignorance, I just took a survey for a class... and it kept asking about my sex life...and the way it was worded was like you had to have one...and I was like ummm..no... :? Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted October 24, 2003 Share Posted October 24, 2003 I know, Josh, don't you hate that. It's...'In your current relationship (or if you're not in one, your previous relationships) do you find...' Because, you know, if you're not in one you certainly must have been in one at some point...unless you're an aberration or something. And they never give an 'I've never had sex/Never had a relationship' option. Small-minded rubes. Cate Link to post Share on other sites
Bestatued Head Posted October 24, 2003 Share Posted October 24, 2003 I've up with a logical belief (oxymoron I know): Society of the majority is shit. The stuff they push on people is shit. And it's depressing being here at AVEN(a sexual minority; asexual) and having people understand others pretty well, yet the majority of the world doesn't have a clue to other's differences. I want to say this to everyone at this forum that I am rather proud of what we have become, and you guys seem to make me have hope that in this fucked up world there is a decent society. Go AVEN Members. Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted October 24, 2003 Share Posted October 24, 2003 Go us! I know what you mean, though, it is easy to grow accustomed to being accepted (by the fine folks here) and then have to go our into the real world (which is stinking) and find out some people are small-minded jackasses. Cate Link to post Share on other sites
Zorui Posted October 24, 2003 Share Posted October 24, 2003 *is both asexual and erotophobic* Link to post Share on other sites
Zorui Posted October 24, 2003 Share Posted October 24, 2003 OH my gosh!!!!!!!i tottaly forgot about this!!!!...........a while back, my phsyciatrist and i and my mom some how got on the topic of girl friends or somthing like that, and she said,,,"do you have a girl friend?",,,,,i siad "NO"then she asked "do you like girls??" then i expalained to her that i didnt like girls and didnt want a girl friend and didnt like guys either and i just dont care about that stuff(i didnt know what asexuality was at the time)..........so behing the pill pushing quak ass doctor bitch that she was,, you can guess what she suggested i take for this "problem".... the fuckin cunt had me on all kinds of anti depressants and shit all at once and fucked me up............fuckin bitch... I am going to kill that psychiatrist. After I torture her. For a few years. Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted October 24, 2003 Share Posted October 24, 2003 *Tenuously related to the topic...* What is it with our pill obsessed culture? If there's anything wrong with you take a pill and BANG you're better. Even if there's not a damn thing wrong with you, but other people think you're acting oddly then THEY'LL recommend you start pill therapy to make THIER lives easier. People take the shit like it's candy because we're told that you're supposed to feel fit as a fuckin' fiddle (to borrow a phrase from Wonder Boys) all the time. Damn people, if you don't feel badly sometimes then how can you tell when you feel great? You have nothing to compare it to. It's stupid when people get together and begin discussing all of the drugs they've been on (prescribed by their doctors so it's okay) and how they responded to them. Everyone: Go watch Requiem for a Dream. RIGHT NOW! Or read the book, if you rather. Cate Link to post Share on other sites
anythingtestdead Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 I am going to kill that psychiatrist. After I torture her. For a few years. thanks :D .........can you destroy the ELLI LILLY drug company while your at it??? Link to post Share on other sites
emmaseek Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 Hear hear, Cate! I love watching all these drug commercials with all the happy shiny people running through fields holding hands, while the announcer spouts a laundry list of possible side effects for whatever the drug du jour is (Drug-Du-Jour may cause nausea, headache, drymouth, vomiting, murderous rage, color blindness, rickets, gangrene, and scurvy. Do not take Drug-Du-Jour if you have ever taken Aspirin or had the flu. Pregnant women may give birth to horned babies if they take Drug-Du-Jour. Ask your physician if Drug-Du-Jour is right for you!)... Has anybody seen the latest anti-depressant that "doesn't cause sexual side effects (finally!)"? One of the "non-sexual" side effects is that you MAY HAVE SEIZURES! Yes, the ad says so right up front! Well, thank God I can have sex at least, the seizures are worth it! :roll: Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 LOL@ Emma! I know, they give you forty-five atrocious possible side effects just so you won't sneeze when you go outside. Cate Link to post Share on other sites
Jayann Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 LMAO at emmaseek!! :D Link to post Share on other sites
anythingtestdead Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 HA!!! yeah those side effects are redick-u-lus!!! speaking of side effects........i had injured my nee recently and i went to my doctor and she said that the best thing i could do for my nee is take this ANTI INFLAMITORY drug she was going to perscrible to me.... well after i read the side effects,, I didnt take it...........here is why..... "Stomach bleeding" "If your VOmit that looks like coffee grounds,,,call your physician..." "This may cause Severe(posible fatal) liver damage.." "If you have yelowing off the eyes,,call your physician...." I just let my nee gett better on its own..... Link to post Share on other sites
dabishop Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 http://archive.salon.com/comics/tomo/1999/...tomo/index.html Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted October 25, 2003 Share Posted October 25, 2003 LOL! I LOVE Tom Tomorrow! Cate Link to post Share on other sites
anythingtestdead Posted October 27, 2003 Share Posted October 27, 2003 LOL!! Link to post Share on other sites
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