How to deal with loneliness?

[salad_boy_]

This is a bit of a vent, sorry.

 

Well it's been some time since I first thought I might have a very low sex drive or be asexual, and since then I've found my thoughts about other people, especially in my own life, have ceased almost completely. They only happen in a scattered and distressing sense, which doesn't really turn me on. It's more upsetting than anything.

 

It's been a strange time for me, but this realisation hasn't ceased my desire to be in a relationship even if it isn't a sexual one. I've often felt very isolated from people, and this new revelation has made me feel even more like I'm not really compatible with most people - like I still haven't found my own people, I guess. I do have lots of friends, but I feel like I don't have a close connection with most of them, and I think it's mainly to do with me because I'm always afraid of people not liking me, so I don't really show much of myself as a person. I do have a few close friends who are amazing, and they're probably the reason I haven't slipped further into being depressed. I love them lots.

 

Even so, I wish I could form connections that people do in relationships as easily, or I guess naturally as most people seem to. I have a naturally over-analytical mind and it works to my benefit, but also my detriment; a double-edged blade I guess.

 

I've mentioned before also that my romantic endeavours often involve people who are unattainable, and I think it's partly due to past experiences. I've also thought it might be some part of me resisting this idea of being intimate with someone in a romantic way. I think I might be slowly improving but I'm not really sure, it could just be increased apathy.

 

Anyway I'd like to hear the perspectives of any other people here who feel a similar way, because I do feel quite lonely and such so if people have ways of coping or other suggestions they'd be most welcome.

[Member5732]

I can totally relate to you in many ways and I can understand how you're feeling. I'm sorry for that. But I, too, feel the same way sometimes, maybe most often, I feel lonely and sad thinking that I'm the only kind in here and feels like I'm stuck in somewhere. In this case, I have found out that maybe I just need a QPR to make myself feel not alone or lonely being who I am. I haven't yet come out to the society or my family so I can feel how it feels not being able to show much of ourselves to the people or friends or family. 
Think a little and maybe you can figure out what you think you need to get out of this loneliness.
And of course, AVEN and we all are here together. So, we can talk about anything at anytime.
PM me if you need.  

[binary suns]

one strategy to deal with loneliness is to meditate. Especially do you have a park nearby? sit still and be with yourself, however that means - for 5 minutes on a regular basis. a daily habit is best. over time, you can sit for 10, 15, 20 minutes, an hour - over time you will build up your self-acceptance and self-patience, so that when something strong and negative like loneliness comes along into your experience. you will have better ability to face it and be with it.

[Aeona]

I know exactely what you mean. I try to push the lonelyness away from me and to have positive thoughts - I am really good in suppressing such feelings, which isn't that good actually. 
But when it gets too much, I write. Novels, poems, short stories. That's a way for me to deal with the lonelyness and the thoughs in my mind. Listening to music, sometimes talking to close friends. Talking/texting helps me a lot. Knowing that I'm not alone and that I have friends who will listen and help me, even if they can't quite understand me and my strange feelings.
 

[Muledeer]

Try to convince yourself that *loneliness*  is not the root cause of your unhappiness.  Also, gaining self acceptance for being different than most regarding sexual attraction may help you pursue a more realistic and idealistic friendship or relationship.  I am still hoping that special someone will come into my life but I also accept the reality of being ace and how difficult it is to find that truly compatible person who could become a lifelong partner.  I just plan my future like I have lived my past and know that I must take care of my own needs,.  There may never be someone else,  but I never quit hoping for a partner to show up in my life somehow 

[salad_boy_]

Thanks for the replies guys, you've each said something different which is nice cause I get a bunch of ideas. 

 

12 hours ago, Red_purple_sugardaddy said:

I can totally relate to you in many ways and I can understand how you're feeling. I'm sorry for that. But I, too, feel the same way sometimes, maybe most often, I feel lonely and sad thinking that I'm the only kind in here and feels like I'm stuck in somewhere. In this case, I have found out that maybe I just need a QPR to make myself feel not alone or lonely being who I am. I haven't yet come out to the society or my family so I can feel how it feels not being able to show much of ourselves to the people or friends or family. 
Think a little and maybe you can figure out what you think you need to get out of this loneliness.
And of course, AVEN and we all are here together. So, we can talk about anything at anytime.
PM me if you need.  

Yea thank you, I will try to.

 

12 hours ago, Teagan1 said:

one strategy to deal with loneliness is to meditate. Especially do you have a park nearby? sit still and be with yourself, however that means - for 5 minutes on a regular basis. a daily habit is best. over time, you can sit for 10, 15, 20 minutes, an hour - over time you will build up your self-acceptance and self-patience, so that when something strong and negative like loneliness comes along into your experience. you will have better ability to face it and be with it.

Yes! I've been meaning to try meditation for a while now and I'll certainly give that a go. There's lots of parks where I live so it shouldn't be too hard to find a place to do it. Good idea.

10 hours ago, Aeona said:

I know exactely what you mean. I try to push the lonelyness away from me and to have positive thoughts - I am really good in suppressing such feelings, which isn't that good actually. 
But when it gets too much, I write. Novels, poems, short stories. That's a way for me to deal with the lonelyness and the thoughs in my mind. Listening to music, sometimes talking to close friends. Talking/texting helps me a lot. Knowing that I'm not alone and that I have friends who will listen and help me, even if they can't quite understand me and my strange feelings.
 

Yea I totally feel that. I'm quite good at concealing feelings a lot of the time until it bubbles over, so yea I get that. I also do a lot of writing as well, it kinda helps me specifically to get out of my mind a bit, and focus on what I'm doing, which is nice. Not big on texting though, cause I often feel like wires can get crossed.

10 hours ago, Muledeer said:

Try to convince yourself that *loneliness*  is not the root cause of your unhappiness.  Also, gaining self acceptance for being different than most regarding sexual attraction may help you pursue a more realistic and idealistic friendship or relationship.  I am still hoping that special someone will come into my life but I also accept the reality of being ace and how difficult it is to find that truly compatible person who could become a lifelong partner.  I just plan my future like I have lived my past and know that I must take care of my own needs,.  There may never be someone else,  but I never quit hoping for a partner to show up in my life somehow 

Yea that makes sense, it pays to keep your outlook realistic. I suppose I'm still quite young so I am still pretty impulsive and emotional a lot of the time, so it might be some time before I can reach a level of self acceptance like that, but hopefully it'll come at some point. Thanks