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The asexual... Sexual?


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Hello good people of AVEN. 

 

I had no idea where to post this so I thought why not ask this side of AVEN. 

 

I identified as asexual but now I am beginning to doubt myself as I do desire sex and that type intimacy. I am not sure where I am on the spectrum anymore :/ I mean can an asexual desire that and still be asexual? 

 

I used to think I could possibly be demi or gray even and I'm no sex repulsed so could I be gray or something else? 

 

Any incite would be a comfort :)

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Some will say yes, some will say no, depending on whether they are desirists or attractionists.

 

Personally I'm closer to the former group, because it really really won't make sense to anyone to say that you want to have sex even though you're asexual.

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Lord Jade Cross

You probably fall more on the gray area of the spectrum if the desire for sex is a result of being close to anyone, which would make you demi. Unless its more general in which case, you may not be ace; but thats not really bad thing.

 

 

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I think this gets confusing for everyone. I guess it's the difference between desire and attraction. And as they like to say, there's a difference between sex drive and attraction. I think being ace is about attraction. You can still want sex, it's just not aimed at any group or individual in particular. So if you generally want to have sex, but it isn't stimulated by any particular person or gender, then I'd say you're still ace. If however, you think about a specific person that would be more grey/demi area (I think!). 

 

That said, the labels and boxes are there to help you, not to limit you in any way. They're only as useful as they are to you, so use whatever one you feel comfortable with. I doubt too many people are going to police you about it. 

(I'm also not an expert, just going off what I've read)

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2 minutes ago, kenrunek said:

I think this gets confusing for everyone. I guess it's the difference between desire and attraction. And as they like to say, there's a difference between sex drive and attraction. I think being ace is about attraction. You can still want sex, it's just not aimed at any group or individual in particular. So if you generally want to have sex, but it isn't stimulated by any particular person or gender, then I'd say you're still ace. If however, you think about a specific person that would be more grey/demi area (I think!). 

 

Thank you :)

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What's important are your feelings. Labels are just words to describe them. I'm with Philip027 on this one... If you desire sexual intimacy, you can probably find better words than 'asexual' to describe your feelings. Though if they don't include sexual attraction to a person, they could still match the definition of asexual.

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SolitarySocialite

 

And may I add, wanting sex and not acting on it. 

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15 minutes ago, SolitarySocialite said:

And may I add, wanting sex and not acting on it. 

That's celibacy. Not to be confused with asexuality :)

 

If you desire sex, you're plain ol' sexual.

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Might also be phrased as abstinence.

 

The terms are kinda used interchangeably, but I tend to use them as follows so that they each have a reason for existing:

 

Celibate: "I don't want sex"

Abstinent: "I would want sex, but..."

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I'm the same way. I'm not sexually attracted to anyone but my partner really, but desire sex. I don't consider myself demisexual either because I know I could be sexually attracted to someone else without an emotional connection. However, my libido is generally indirect, and am generally satisfied by my sexual fantasies, rather than seeking anyone out. I don't actually care enough to seek it out or have it really (my partner and I haven't had sex in months). Kink is far more important to me.

 

I know many would define me as a regular "sexual" person, but I've always known in the regards to attraction, I can't relate to sexuality like fully sexual people. I've felt this way ever since puberty. 

 

It does sound as if you fall under the grey-sexual umbrella. Regardless, trust yourself and you'll find your way. Good luck friend!

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