"How to tell a man I'm in love with..." Update

[Malek4life]

Ever since I made the post I've been reading all the feedback (thank you so much anyone and everyone who did respond, you all really helped me), I've been thinking, debating, literally talking with and to myself and I've been sleeping on it. I believe I did mention it in the original post, but I did actually move away from my man. We're living in separate states now, and plan on continuing for at least another month. And or only means of contact are our phones. (he refuses any sort of social media, and I really hate taking pictures of videoing myself). We've been texting and talking every day and every night. And all of it has helped me finally make a decision... 

 

I am going to keep having sex with him, when we reunite again. 

 

We both sat down and had a pretty long, somewhat hard conversation where I confessed to not wanting to have sex again. I revealed my reasoning, we re-talked about me being asexual. We talked about certain 'things' in the past that has helped lead me to this point. And he was completely understanding and okay with not having sex, as long as it meant that we were still each others and we would still be spending the rest of our lives with each other. To him, he didn't care if we never had any sort of sex again as long as he could still see me and be with me and be loved by me. He's never loved or been loved by another person before and he wasn't willing to lose it or me just because of sex. And guys, somewhere in that conversation, before even that moment I realized that I didn't want to stop having sex with him completely. I just needed to know that I wouldn't lose him because of my completely lack of interest/need, and I think I discovered that I needed to that not having sex was okay. That it wasn't a 'no sex means no him' type of situation. I decided in myself, not because of any sort of pressure or anything from his side, that I did still want to have sex with him. That now I knew it wasn't something demanded, I was willing to give him that. Even if it was just for him. So I think what I really wanted all along wasn't to never ever have sex with him again, but was just to know that we would be okay even if I said no to sex. 

 

But we talked even that through and as a couple who both still want to spend the rest of our lives with each other, and we came to a kind of resolution that we hope will work for the both of us. Basically what we decided is that I be fully in control of our sex life. That we only have sex when I'm okay with it and that's that. That when I say "no" it be accepted completely regardless of the reason and respected. And that works both ways. No pressuring, no demanding and definitely no disregarding the other persons personal, feelings for personal gain.  I, as an asexual get to be in love and have love in a non sex prerequisite way, and he as a sexual still gets to experience true love and pleasure through sex. We both still have our needs met to the best that the situation allows, and most important of all we both still get to have each other. 

 

--> I just wanted to update anyone curious on how the 'talk' turned out. And I am very much open to responses and opinions regardless of your standing on the matter. Meaning no need for sugar-coating or anything, I am very curious on what anyone else thinks