Nunyabiz Posted August 21, 2017 Share Posted August 21, 2017 I am asexual, but I am not completely a romantic. I like friends and find girlfriends to be distracting, but I love to be with my friends, especially aces. When I did date I liked the kissing but I don't want sex. That's as far as I go. All relationships are complicated cause most girls want sex... If i was in a relationship with a girl that's non asexual I struggled with the thought of being gray sexual... I am having trouble defining what I falll into. I read a blog post about an a romantic couple with separate beds and i always wanted that. Non ace people always laughed at the idea until they realized I am ace. What category do I fall into? When dating I really care about the girl, but not sure I want normal dates ever again. Too many bad experiences. Ace I am not even sure you ask on dating according to some a romantic plp blogs.... Could use any help possible. I really just like being with my friends and dating seems to ruin that, but I have feelings sometimes for others.... no idea what I am. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ChickenPadSeeEew Posted August 21, 2017 Share Posted August 21, 2017 Well, only you can decide what labels--if any--fit for you. But it sounds like asexual fits, and maybe gray-aromantic could also describe you? (Or are your romantic feelings stronger than that?) You sound somewhat romantic but 'over it'. Like, exhausted and frustrated with the misconceptions, expectations, and pressures placed on you by allosexual / alloromantic girlfriends. So maybe you could consider describing yourself as an asexual and an extremely disinterested gray-aro. But I wonder if maybe you'd like to call yourself aromantic, instead of gray-aro? (Functionally, you might choose to live an aro life and, who knows, even decide it's actually/always been a better descriptor for you? That perhaps you only ever want platonic relationships after all? And had really strong platonic feelings and were romance neutral/positive to a pt?) Whatever you decide--and hey, you don't even have to choose a label if they don't quite fit--it sounds like you want girlfriends to respect your boundaries and feel free of pressure. Maybe stating you're after a platonic relationship only at the outset could help with that? Then, see how it goes...? I'm not sure if I'm reading your sentence on Aces and not asking on dates correctly, but people who are Ace can ask people out on dates. Is that what you meant? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Nunyabiz Posted August 21, 2017 Author Share Posted August 21, 2017 I read one blog that said they couldn't ask out on dates... ugh. As one person said when I got in my last relationship "what are you going to do now?" Do I like the feelings? Sure. Do I like the friendship far better? Hell yes. I am the best of friends with someone and have been for years. This person discovered their ace, but don't know what category. I am just happy to have them as a friend. I did have a crush on them years ago, but now I am happy just to be their friend. If anything ever changes that's up to them. I don't want to ruin the best friendship ever. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gisiebob Posted August 24, 2017 Share Posted August 24, 2017 well, if a blog on the internet said so, I guess we've been doing it wrong the whole time! don't listen to them. don't listen to us. listen to yourself 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Moonchaser Posted August 29, 2017 Share Posted August 29, 2017 I suspect there is a whole subgroup of romantic aces who do like kissing. I do, and I keep running across posts here where people mention they do like kissing, just not sex. There are so many degrees, a definite spectrum of what people are looking for in a relationship. More and more I wish people would just feel free to tell someone they're interested in (or in the first few dates) exactly what they are willing to engage in with someone they love. I know it always seems early to do that, but it's a conversation that has to happen eventually, and I think hearts are less likely to get broken the earlier it does happen. For comparison, back when I was young and dating, many people made it clear from the first date that they liked or wanted sex. I don't know why aces feel we need to be so shy about saying we don't. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Nunyabiz Posted August 30, 2017 Author Share Posted August 30, 2017 I did that. It didn't go well, but the relationship held together longer due to that. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
doggalogga Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 Don't worry about labels. Just be yourself and what makes you happy. Labels are an identifier and can really help you, but they can also be a distraction. I am asexual. I don't care about sub-categories because I'd just rather focus on what I want rather than labels and what they mean... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lolexopol Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 (sorry for my English) I don't know what I am. When I've been with men, I love to have romantic relationships but not anything that concerns to sex. I don't even know if it's because old traumas I had in the past and lots of insecurities about my body or if I'm really asexual. The thing that confuse me is that I'm able to masturbate on my own (being alone) and I really enjoy it, but when I'm with someone else in the bed (although I love this person), everything that may lead us to sex is something my body and mind reject. I'm so confused, if somebody could help me.... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Charlie Weasley Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 sub categories always have an origin. make a new one Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The_Reluctant_Dragon Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 Just use whatever term fits you best. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
carbomb Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 You shouldn't need to find a specific label to describe how you feel. Labels are only useful insofar as they are generally understood and can convey a feeling more easily than simply explaining it. Once the labels get too specific, they stop being generally understood and lose their ability to communicate the idea effectively. I never really felt the need to label myself as anything more than "straight ace" even though my feelings are more complex than that. My main point is that these labels aren't identities, they're adjectives, and we have to treat them as such. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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