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Sexually Starved Survivor

Fifty Years of Sex Starved Marriage

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Telecaster68   
Telecaster68

It's fine for me too.

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FictoVore.   
FictoVore.
25 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

It's fine for me too.

The link works for you? That's odd as far as I know I have no active bans from anywhere, I don't know why I can't see it :o

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Telecaster68   
Telecaster68

You have clearly displeased the AVEN gods somehow. That'll teach you to post pictures of you in your socks.

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FictoVore.   
FictoVore.
On 10/4/2017 at 8:54 AM, Telecaster68 said:

You have clearly displeased the AVEN gods somehow. That'll teach you to post pictures of you in your socks.

I was accidentally banned from T&S, so unbeknownst to me I haven't actually been able to view it for months now :P 

 

..And socks are awesome! :D

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Chihiro   
Chihiro
On 10/3/2017 at 9:12 PM, FictoVore. said:

That's so odd, it just takes me to a page saying 'you do not have permission to view that content' :o

@FictoVore. Talked to T&S mod @iff and they said it's been fixed now. You should be able to see now.

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FictoVore.   
FictoVore.
14 minutes ago, Chihiro said:

@FictoVore. Talked to T&S mod @iff and they said it's been fixed now. You should be able to see now.

Yes I can view it now, thank you! :) 

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coolandcute   
coolandcute

Sad story.  I know of cases where women whose husbands couldn't provide them with the amount of sex that they wanted (or deserted them and later married other women) became angry and resentful and more mentally ill.  So the moral of the story is if you want sex badly, go get it instead of staying with someone who can't or won't give it to you.  If you stay, you only have yourself to blame for feeling miserable.  As for asexuals who don't want sex at all, don't stay with someone who does and then feel resentful.  I know I couldn't deal with a very sexual person.  

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daisylove   
daisylove

We arent asexual due to abuse or a dysfunctional family unit. You labeled him asexual in the same sentence where you state he was molested. smh

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daisylove   
daisylove
On 8/21/2017 at 6:02 PM, Sexually Starved Survivor said:

I could not agree more with everything that everyone has posted!  You all really got the message.  I too believe he didn't want to help himself.  What he COULD have done is to not lie to me about my being the cause of his problem.  It would have saved me a lifetime of agony.  Being rejected hurt, naturally.  But being blamed so unrelentingly has nearly destroyed me.  That is my message to people in your group.  I am delighted that you all grasped it before I ever wrote. 

Reading the Ted Talk opened my eyes to the fact that I  had a legitimate grievance and hurt.  As far as it being an advertisement, I just wish I could meet and use her services, but she is on the east coast and I'm in Oregon.  So, no luck.  I understand that concern.  I am posting my story where ever possible.  I'm trying to alert other women not to waste their marriages on something they will never have.

All of you get a big hug from me for your open mindedness, your caring, and your honesty.

This site is about education and community, and honestly most of the people that post here are probably pretty open minded considering we belong to one of the most ostracized subsets in the sexuality spectrum, crap even some of the gays reject us as being a part of the LGBTQ+ spectrum. Perhaps this is why your ex reacted the way that he did?

 

The message that I gleaned from your post is "dont try to force yourself to be sexual for someone else" yes, that he blamed YOU was inexcusable but back in the 60s and 70s there was virtually zero awareness/knowledge of asexuality and I could see someone wanting to somehow deflect from constant pressures and demands for sex when they are asexual. Your statement that its related to being molested is offensive and suggests that asexuality is a mental disorder. It seems to me that youre actually doing the same thing to him that he did to you? Dont know, as we only see one side here.

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Feys&Florets   
Feys&Florets
On 8/20/2017 at 6:10 PM, Sexually Starved Survivor said:

My husband wasn’t homosexual or bisexual.  He was just sort of asexual because of the molestation.  It is interesting that within five years of this disclosure he divorced me, leaving me indigent, bankrupt, and broken hearted.  I believe that once he had to take responsibility for the failure of the sexual relationship, because he could no longer blame me, he began to hate the sight of me.

 

You don't become asexual from being molested. You can be asexual and have truamatizing experience from being molested, but the two are not linked. There are plenty of asexuals who have come from loving families and supportive communities, and just don't have any sexual attraction to either men or women. It's nonexistent.

 

Please, understand - what your ex-husband had to handle was terrible, and the fallout you received was terrible as well. But I want to stress the difference from trauma and asexuality. Trauma needs to be faced and treated with a counselor, and asexuality doesn't. Sexual abuse doesn't cause asexuality.

 

Your heart's in the right place, but please understand.

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Moonchaser   
Moonchaser
On 9/1/2017 at 0:49 AM, Sally said:

If an asexual has disclosed to the sexual partner that they just don't like or want sex, that they get nothing from it, and in fact they just don't want to do it anymore  then I don't see any reason for relationship counseling.  Because at that point, what needs to be decided is whether the marriage can exist without sex.  That will be up to the sexual partner.  

This.

 

I'm sorry that the original poster has felt so rejected, yet she seems to indicate there was a background of feeling rejected before the marriage. I'm also sorry the spouse has suffered from PTSD. My spouse does as well, and that can be a hard thing for everyone, the one with PTSD and all around them, to live with. But it's also important to remember that your feelings about your partner are yours and theirs are theirs. We all do this, blame the other for our own issues, it's human nature, pretty much, and most of us do it unconsciously more than we like to believe. But once you can begin to own your own baggage and deal with that, you begin to free yourself, and that's a gift only you can give yourself, and it is independent of any treatment (rejection for instance) that you get from others.

 

Something kept you with this person for so long. Maybe it was a poor choice, a lack of personal will. But something kept you, and something kept them. Might it be there is some real affection and some real bond there, buried under all the pain? Maybe it's not enough to keep you together now, but it is something to keep in mind going forward, as well as lessons learned, about yourself, about them, about being human, and I'm sure there were some moments to treasure. No one stays together that long without something positive going on.

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