gonegonegone Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 Hello, everyone. It hit me today that I'm emotionally unavailable, and have been my entire life. Realizing this just made so many things finally click into place, including my asexuality, and while it was one of those rare "aha!" moments in life where everything makes sense for a brief, glorious moment, it kind of scares the crap out of me as well. I've been struggling with coming to terms with the likely fact that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life due to being a sex-repulsed ace, but this just adds a whole 'nother decker to the cake. Some emotionally unavailable aspects of my life: I've never had a real, close friend before. I don't truly love my family (as horrible as that is, I know). I feel like I experience all emotions (aside from anger and sadness) in a very distant, surreal kind of way. I find it hard to be happy or excited about anything (for instance, I'm leaving for a trip to somewhere across the world in a few days, and I feel like the people I tell about my trip are more excited about it than I actually am). I avoid pretty much everything and everyone that I can get away with (I cancel or miss plans last minute often, just because I feel a sense of dread at interacting with people). Any time someone shows romantic interest in me, my automatic response is to panic and reject them. Even the last time I fell for someone, I subconsciously sabotaged myself by ignoring his friendly advances until it was too late. (I've never been in a relationship before, and I don't realistically see myself ever being in one.) I put up an act to be sociable/nice/sweet/friendly/empathetic to others when I'm out in public because being polite is what's expected. I don't think I'm actually any of those things. (Does this make me borderline sociopathic?) Does anyone else struggle with emotional unavailability? How do you cope/overcome it? How do you let yourself open up to others? Link to post Share on other sites
Nea Rose Symphony Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 I see myself in all of that and it's frustrating not being normal Link to post Share on other sites
Laplace Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 I get a few of those feelings. I'm rather detached, and I've been called cold on occasion. I still love my family (even if they occasionally get on my nerves) and I can even enjoy socializing, but I've never really self-disclosed even to friends. I hang out with friends to have fun and play video games, but not so much to talk or discuss anything super profound. I don't get super excited often, though it happens and I can be a little silly. I'm not super big on faking positivity cause I'm normally a bit of a cynical grump, but I'm still amicable. Not to assume anything, but these feeling are often symptoms of mild to chronic depression. In case you are feeling down, unmotivated, or chronically fatigued, consider an evaluation. There's no need to heed my advice, but it's just a consideration. Personally, I've just made a conscious effort to be a bit more open with people now. It's hard with people close to me, but I'm trying to change little by little. Link to post Share on other sites
Jackninja5 Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 Yeah, I have problems too. Emotional stability only really returned to me very very recently and it is still quite easy to collapse. Being bullied my whole life and having low social skills, I've usually made friends online. Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 Not to diagnose, obvs, but all those things are consistent with Aspergers. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Deus Ex Infinity Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 7 hours ago, Cetasoul said: I see myself in all of that and it's frustrating not being normal I don't think so. There is no such thing called being "not normal". It's all just a matter of individual perception and interpretation. That's it! You're not more or less normal than me or anyone else here. We're just different. So raise your heads and thoughts again! Never think low of yourselfs just because society tries to make you feel this way. Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 Not being normal means being different. That's just semantics. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 4 hours ago, Deus Ex Infinity said: I don't think so. There is no such thing called being "not normal". It's all just a matter of individual perception and interpretation. That's it! You're not more or less normal than me or anyone else here. We're just different. So raise your heads and thoughts again! Never think low of yourselfs just because society tries to make you feel this way. you're so right ! there is no right or wrong, normal or abnormal....we're just "different" ! but i can relate to @Cetasoul very well ! some times it's not about being 'abnormal" or 'different' or anything else.....it just doesnt feel good ! it feels like you want to have something but you dont and you dont know what to do about it ! therefore, lack of what you are craving every moment kinda kills you ! i tried my best to explain it well, sorry if it was twisted or not clear enough ! Link to post Share on other sites
arekathevampyre Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 I have difficulty opening up to people and I think they realise that when I withhold basic information even like name , age or location (nothing too private) . It takes a long time (depending on how I feel towards the person) to open up and once I get through that stage , I thought nothing will go wrong but things usually go haywire again on and off . Somedays I can joke and laugh and have fun but other times I will just go silent on them . Sometimes it get so bad I even almost sabotage our relationship (no romance just platonic) . Then I will realise the mess I have created and tried to patch it back . I don't take initiative in conversations and rather be lead along . I am just quite f****ed up so yeah . Most of the time I just feel numb (with a mix of bitterness , self hatred , depressive thoughts etc) and maybe this is how emotional unavailability feels like to me . Link to post Share on other sites
J. van Deijck Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 some aspects sound like me. however, I am aware that it's mostly generated by depression. I am able to love others and I have lots of love in my heart, but it's not easy for me to befriend others and I avoid most of social interactions irl because I kind of fear people or I find it very hard to relate to them. I tend to find variety of emotions vividly, but anger is what I feel most frequently. sometimes I just feel numb, too. much depends on my mental state and sometimes I feel it's taking over me and makes me feel helpless. I've never been a social being, I'm rather distanced from it. I love my friends and care about them (or at least I try), but besides them, nobody has a real meaning to me. I'm not sure if it gives you any answer, but you can be sure you're not alone Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Deus Ex Infinity Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 4 hours ago, Mell,22 said: you're so right ! there is no right or wrong, normal or abnormal....we're just "different" ! but i can relate to @Cetasoul very well ! some times it's not about being 'abnormal" or 'different' or anything else.....it just doesnt feel good ! it feels like you want to have something but you dont and you dont know what to do about it ! therefore, lack of what you are craving every moment kinda kills you ! i tried my best to explain it well, sorry if it was twisted or not clear enough ! Off course! I can relate to this feeling too! For most of the time being actually. I've just decided to not let it get me down anymore. Having said that doesn't mean that I'm always victorious though *dry bitter smile*. Never give up the fight! Link to post Share on other sites
cinary Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 I can relate to all of the things @gonegonegone mentioned. Besides the first one, becouse I know my best friend since we were 3 years old, but I know I wouldn't be able to make such a friend right now. Well, as a matter of fact I can't make friends at all even if I try and I tend to sabotage myself if I try to befriend someone or someone try to befriend me. To answer your question: I don't cope with it ^^" I can relate to you, to all you have written and make you feel like you are not alone, but I can't give you solution, sorry. But if you figure something out please tell me Link to post Share on other sites
Nylocke Posted August 27, 2017 Share Posted August 27, 2017 Don't truly love your family huh? I am mostly in the same boat for the only family I care for are my parents. The rest of my family I have to force myself to feel anything for which is really messed up sounding o-o Link to post Share on other sites
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