I'm confused

[libby20]

So for a while now I've been confused about how I should label myself or whether not I even should label myself at all. All my life I've identified as a straight woman and I still do. I like men, always have. I'm 21 now, but it wasn't until a few years ago that I realized I don't have the desire to be with anyone. Whenever I think about being in a relationship or living with someone or growing old with them, I genuinely don't see the appeal in it. My entire life I've never wanted to get married and I've never wanted kids. The older I get the more I stray from that idea. When I was younger, probably about 14-17, I used to think I wanted to be in a relationship. Now that I think about it, I really only thought I did because I felt left out because that's what everyone I went to school with was doing. 

 

I don't have the desire to be with anyone. I don't see the appeal in holding hands or cuddling or kissing or having sex. In fact o don't like to be touched at all. I like my personal space. I'm not interested in dating/talking to anyone, I don't want to live with anyone in the future. For the most part I'm really content with being alone my whole life.

 

I've been struggling with whether or not I'd like to identify as asexual/aromantic simply because I still get confused about the definitions no matter how much I research about it. Yes, I like men and I'm PHYSICALLY attracted to them (meaning I like the way they look) but when it comes to being with them in any type of way, im not interested in that idea. I don't want that.

 

Is it possible to identify as a straight asexual AND aromantic person? I don't know whether I'm comfortable with labeling myself as that simply because I still don't understand and I've seen a lot of people that think you can't be straight and asexual/aromantic. Any advice here?

 

also, I'm aware that sexuality is a personal/fluid thing and only I can identify myself how I feel fits me best but I'd still like to be sure or at least have more of an insight about everything. I also don't feel like it is necessary to label myself at all but I'd still like to know. Thank you!!

[Dellakat]

16 minutes ago, libby20 said:

Yes, I like men and I'm PHYSICALLY attracted to them (meaning I like the way they look)

This would be aesthetic attraction~ The five attractions that I know of are: aesthetic (looks), platonic (friendly/friendship), romantic (romance), sensual (touch), and sexual attraction. These are just a few things to ponder over~ I wish I could help you more, but it all comes down to how you feel and which attraction you are feeling, or not feeling for that matter, as well~

Stay happy, my friend~

[RedClouds]

I'm afraid I won't be able to make things much comprehensible for you, but I'm posting here with my 5 min old account after discovering this site 1h ago, to ask if I ghost wrote your post?????   I'm still just researching out of curiosity, but as I'm reading I'm having too much insight  moments than I thought I would have much like youself I suppose. 

 

Between when I was 4 years old to 13 I had usual platonic crushes on real life guys that were a bit intense. I don't know know much of it was the result of trying to 'grow up' quickly and be like my friends but it doesn't negate the fact that I would make physical contact with them If I could.  The only time I had, when I was expending vacation on my friend's house, he just hinted it and I panicked completely and ended up  doing nothing.  I went to sleep and left the next day.  Quite usual for a scared teenager but as the years went by I ended up less and less interested in all of it and never created chances for it to happen. 

 

It turns out I'm also 21 and never had had any romantic or sexual contact with men, and I never was interested in women to begin with, But contrary to when I was little, everything is just right the way I want now.  

 

Actually the part that struck me the most was that asexual people can still  fantasize, especially if It doesn't involve yourself, and watch porn.  I used to think these were mutually exclusive so I never gave much thought to asexuality and just considered myself a "straight girl that finds some guys, especially feminine ones, attractive  (sorry If I'm using the word 'attraction' the wrong way) , but wouldn't touch/have sex with them, and who also likes to fantasize a lot about fictional people (never heterosexual relationships though) having sex but never involving herself"  Quite a long and confusing description but it works for me.  Of course that's not what I say to others Lol 

However, sometimes I still think that I'm being quite hypocritical to consider that I could be asexual based on the fact that I have sexual thoughts quite frequently but they are "imaginary situations" and the thought of them crossing to real life is absolutely foreign to me, despite all of the evidence that some people still choose to label themselves as asexual while being very much like myself.  

 

 I have these exact same thoughts as you:

 

"I like men and I'm PHYSICALLY attracted to them (meaning I like the way they look) but when it comes to being with them in any type of way, im not interested in that idea. I don't want that." and  "Whenever I think about being in a relationship or living with someone or growing old with them, I genuinely don't see the appeal in it. My entire life I've never wanted to get married and I've never wanted kids. The older I get the more I stray from that idea."

For me it's like my 'physical attraction' to them is "self-sufficient". I don't know how to better explain it.  It exists but I have no desire to go past that, I don't even use them as real  people in my fantasies, I may at most use some of their characteristics coupled with others to create an "ideal" but quite fogy image of a person to use in my fantasy creations. Yes, I like to admire them, but it's not purely aesthetical, the later I experience sometimes with women. so I like to think that I can differentiate,  

 

However, at the moment  I still think of me being possibly asexual as a curious thought and something that, If down the road I consider true, I would keep the "label" to myself and live my life the way I want without having to explain things to others.  All of the concepts, definitions, categorizations and etc are fun, interesting to know in a scientific point of view but they are not practical at all for me, it's just all too much.   You said you're not sure if you like to label yourself or not, so maybe you think the same as me, or maybe you don't, that's okay. 

 

My parents are pretty much fine with it since I've already repeated "I'll never have a boyfriend, never marry, never have kids, and live alone" all of my teenage years. Who knows what they secretly think but I've repeated it long enough for them to not comment on, it's just part of me. 

 

I'm sorry for making it more about myself, but maybe it's better for now to give support to your questions than to make yet another thread, maybe I will later.

[roland.o]

Hello and welcome to these forums, libby20 and RedClouds. This means... double cake!

 

4 hours ago, libby20 said:

Is it possible to identify as a straight asexual AND aromantic person?

It's up to you to choose your own labels. At worst, you'll have to do some explaining if others find the combination confusing. There is no police that enforces the "proper use" of these words to describe your feelings.

 

I would understand from that quoted sentence that you're not interested in romantic or sexual relationships, but that you might consider a (queer)platonic relationship with a man. Is that what you wanted to express?

 

http://wiki.asexuality.org/Attraction

http://wiki.asexuality.org/Queerplatonic