Could I still call myself demi/grey ace?

[ConfusedButHere]

  Okay, so I feel really comfortable with identifying as demi but I also...second guess myself a lot?

 

  For instance, I like kpop! There's idols that I like more than others, and some of these...I think I have some start of attraction to? I'm not really sure if it's sexual or not. For instance, I'll see someone REALLY nice looking and my brain pretty much goes "holy shit" and I basically feel like I was stabbed in the chest lmao. But I mean, I don't know these people on a personal level, I just know they're on-screen personalities if anything. At the same time though, I treat these idols as fictional (that's the best way I can describe it) like I see them grow musically and they're "personalities" change over time and all that. But I've never encountered them one-on-one so for the most part they don't exist lol. Sort of like the same attachment I'd have to a book series character. 

 

  I DON'T KNOW WHERE I'M GOING WITH THIS. I just self doubt myself because I'm attracted to people I barely know. But at the same time its like these people "don't really exist" in my head and I do only gain that attraction after being attached to them for a while. If I were to meet these idols in real life, face to face, that attraction would pretty much be gone? Hard to explain but yeah.

 

  I'm probably overthinking this but I would appreciate some type of feedback. 

[Ziggy Camden]

I have the exact same problem but no advice to offer my friend. The best I can do is suggest cake.

[ConfusedButHere]

1 minute ago, Ziggy Camden said:

I have the exact same problem but no advice to offer my friend. The best I can do is suggest cake.

Good to know someone else is having the same problem  even if you don't have advice. I don't have any cake though  I'll have to settle with soda for now.

[Ziggy Camden]

oh well. good luck figuring it out

[theredbubble]

Here's the thing: The only labels that really matter are the ones you give yourself. I believe that yes, you are still considered Demi and I'll give you all the validation you need to no longer doubt yourself.

I understand what you mean about pop icons and viewing them as fictional characters. However, I don't see that as invalidating you being Demi. Mainly because you admitted that if you saw them IRL you would lose the attraction.

[litanies]

I favour an attraction and/or desire based model.  Ignoring the debate over that issue (which is outside the scope of my answer), a helpful question might be to ask yourself, "If I met this super hot person in real life and they were totally into me (and I didn't know them well), would I jump into bed with them?"

 

I can also find celebrities attractive, but I know that if the above scenario occurred, I'd still feel uncomfortable/put off and it wouldn't go anywhere.  Heck, I've had people I "crushed" on show an interest in me, only to realize in that moment that I felt no reality-based attraction for them.

[theredbubble]

3 minutes ago, litanies said:

I favour an attraction and/or desire based model.  Ignoring the debate over that issue (which is outside the scope of my answer), a helpful question might be to ask yourself, "If I met this super hot person in real life and they were totally into me (and I didn't know them well), would I jump into bed with them?"

 

I can also find celebrities attractive, but I know that if the above scenario occurred, I'd still feel uncomfortable/put off and it wouldn't go anywhere.  Heck, I've had people I "crushed" on show an interest in me, only to realize in that moment that I felt no reality-based attraction for them.

I was typing up a similar response, but you beat me to posting it

[Doctor13]

It sounds to me mostly like aesthetic attraction, perhaps? I may be understanding this wrong lol. If your reaction is when you see someone, but you're not sure if it's sexual or not, I'd say it's probably not sexual. You're probably just appreciating their physical attributes, like 'wow, that person is extremely pleasing to look at!' kind of thing?

[litanies]

1 hour ago, Doctor13 said:

It sounds to me mostly like aesthetic attraction, perhaps? I may be understanding this wrong lol. If your reaction is when you see someone, but you're not sure if it's sexual or not, I'd say it's probably not sexual.

I've been trying to figure this out for a while now with myself.  I think I'd characterize mine as "aesthetic attraction with a sexual nuance" or something.

[Rallion]

Here's the thing with labels: They exist to help you identify and understand yourself.

If you are comfortable with a specific label and it helps you to use it to describe yourself then it is 100% valid. If that's how you identify then nobody has the right to tell you your identity is wrong.

In other words, if you feel that you are demisexual then that's what you are.

[Doctor13]

I second Rallion's advice

[theredbubble]

1 minute ago, Doctor13 said:

I second Rallion's advice

Can I third it, or am I just joining the band wagon?

[Maul_Junior]

On 8/19/2017 at 11:20 PM, BubleMnky said:

Can I third it, or am I just joining the band wagon?

Jumping on the band wagon myself--it's good advice.

 

Also, I'm callling dibs on the position of grumpy mechanic for the band wagon with a heart of gold whose hands and face are constantly smeared with grease, and is always wiping his hands off with a rag that is 90% grease, often kept in a back pocket.