Do you think childhood trauma plays a part in asexuality?

[StupidDream]

I'm just starting this journey of self discovery after years of confusion / repression.  I don't really want to go into great detail in this thread (happy to over PM if anyone wants to chat), but do you think childhood traumatic incidents (such as losing a parent to suicide, growing up in an abusive household, drug usage by parent etc) plays a part in later asexuality as a causal link?  It's not that I'm really trying to pin down, after all these years, why I personally identify this way, and "would things have been different if?", which is a pointless game, I guess I'm just looking for answers and to understand, really.  Has anyone else found themselves thinking the same sorts of things, that they identify a certain way as an adult due to experiences of childhood such as trauma?  Just interested as all.  It's kind of a moot point as its all in the past and cannot be changed - the future is what counts, but I guess its all part of that new self-discovery to look for answers...

[Jackninja5]

It might if say someone was sexually abused as a child. Of course it is more about preference when it comes to one's sexual orientation but some people may hold negative views on sexual intercourse and thus try to avoid it all together after past experiences.

[StupidDream]

Just now, Jackninja5 said:

It might if say someone was sexually abused as a child. Of course it is more about preference when it comes to one's sexual orientation but some people may hold negative views on sexual intercourse and thus try to avoid it all together after past experiences.

Yes, I can certainly imagine how sexual abuse could cause issues later in life.  Thankfully nothing like that ever happened to me.

 

I'm probably looking for answers to questions that cannot be answered and I should just get on with it, lead the life I've been given and be grateful I have two arm, two legs and a functioning mind (well, mostly functioning!)

[Jackninja5]

Just now, AndyJ said:

Yes, I can certainly imagine how sexual abuse could cause issues later in life.  Thankfully nothing like that ever happened to me.

 

I'm probably looking for answers to questions that cannot be answered and I should just get on with it, lead the life I've been given and be grateful I have two arm, two legs and a functioning mind (well, mostly functioning!)

Nah, it's alright to question things. Some questions may not be able to have answers but we can always wonder and form our own thoughts on them.

[Tercy]

I think all sexuality is influenced by general childhood stuff - not just trauma. Regarding asexuality and trauma specifically: When talking to people on here and other asexual sites, I did notice that a lot of people either directly attributed it to sexual abuse or at least mentioned having been sexually abused. That could also just be because sexual abuse is more common than we might (want to) think; it seems like pretty much everyone - irrespective of sexuality - has at least one story of that uncle/teacher/neighbour/other.

[StupidDream]

23 minutes ago, Tercy said:

I think all sexuality is influenced by general childhood stuff - not just trauma. Regarding asexuality and trauma specifically: When talking to people on here and other asexual sites, I did notice that a lot of people either directly attributed it to sexual abuse or at least mentioned having been sexually abused. That could also just be because sexual abuse is more common than we might (want to) think; it seems like pretty much everyone - irrespective of sexuality - has at least one story of that uncle/teacher/neighbour/other.

I think that's a good point, and yes i suspect sexual abuse is far more widespread then we might think.  I'm lucky in that I never experienced sexual abuse as a child - I can't imagine what that would be like for those who did.

[binary suns]

no, I think a lot more people have faced trauma and have diverse reactions, than one might think. I dunno if that is "lots of people" as in most tho - but I think that it'll be more than 1%, and that fewer aces have faced trauma than haven't. 

[StupidDream]

Just now, Teagan1 said:

no, I think a lot more people have faced trauma and have diverse reactions, than one might think. I dunno if that is "lots of people" as in most tho - but I think that it'll be more than 1%, and that fewer aces have faced trauma than haven't. 

Thanks, that's really helpful.  I suspected it was the case.  I'm going to stop asking questions now and just get on with things!

[BinaryFission]

For me, I think I became asexual because I didn't get enough information about the whole "sex" thing, nor did I really seek out for it. I'm one of those kids who learned about it in middle school, and I really didn't understand how it can be such an important impact in someone's life. I also had a time (and I guess I still do) where I don't really want to see people as male or female. I try and keep it all neutral I guess. I think it's a form of regression? I don't really know.

[asexualannie1993]

I think yes but not for everyone. Everybody's a little different when it comes to their sexuality. For me I'm in the same boat. Sex actually disgusts me and I want to stay as far away from it as I possibly can. To me sex is not something beautiful you share with a partner but a way to manipulate, gain control, or hurt someone. Not everyone sees it this way and I know eventually with the right treatment I will see sex in a different light but I know a lot of people in the same situation. Just know that it is okay not to have sex no matter the reason or what others may tell you. It's your body and you have every right to do with it what you want.

[deltaX]

Maybe trauma plays a role for some people, but I don't think it's the only thing that can influence sexual attraction.  People from all sexual orientations have experienced trauma in the past, and not all asexual people have trauma they can point to as a potential cause.  No one really knows for sure why some people are asexual, but my guess is that it's a mixture of different things.

[Guest]

yes, childhood or even teenage traumatic incidents play a very important roll in asexuality, i do believe .

I mean, not everyone who's asexual has had a trauma in his/her life for sure. i have seen asexual people that were so confident about their sexuality and they were sure there has never been any "trauma" in their lives. but i mean it can effect on that so much.

It's just based on my own research and experience.

I'm not sure if it has any roll in other orientations tho; like if it has effects on somebody to be or become homosexual or etc. but i'm pretty sure it has a BIG influence on "asexuality" coz it's different in nature.

 

i tried my best to explain it well, sorry if it was twisted or not clear enough

[Telecaster68]

So in the cases where it's caused by trauma, is it actually an orientation? Or would it be better described as a condition? What about if it was caused by a trauma but the person concerned doesn't make the connection (similarly to when people don't realise they have anger issues because of childhood trauma, for instance)? If their asexuality is causing them relationship problems and loneliness for instance, would it then be appropriate to offer therapy to see if their asexuality can be changed?

[Yatogami]

33 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

So in the cases where it's caused by trauma, is it actually an orientation? Or would it be better described as a condition? What about if it was caused by a trauma but the person concerned doesn't make the connection (similarly to when people don't realise they have anger issues because of childhood trauma, for instance)? If their asexuality is causing them relationship problems and loneliness for instance, would it then be appropriate to offer therapy to see if their asexuality can be changed?

I would say so, because most things that happen in childhood cannot be reversed after you have aged for so long. Because your entire personality is based around that trauma. Since its insanely hard to just change your personality. It would be near impossible to change your orientation. 

 

I consider my asexuality my orientation, despite knowing it was caused by trauma. Because there is nothing I can do to go "Back", and I have tried to change it. If I can't do it willingly, and forcing myself to confront my trauma to fix it. I don't think the average person can. This coming from someone who has been able to mitigate their bipolar, and anxiety through self CBT. Despite having unraveled much of my traumatic experiences, and overcoming them. I was unable to unravel my inability to trust, or to form deep intimate connections. I am still repulsed by the act of sex, which to me is exposure and humiliation. Whereas my entire personality is built around protecting my "self". Thus making sex entirely incompatible with my personality, and life experience. It may not be a true orientation, but when a certain part of you is broken, your system is still functioning despite it. You can say I have a "broken orientation", but that doesn't sound that great to me. 

 

There is no real cure for certain mental illness, thus no cure for my Asexuality, Aromanticism, and Asensuality. 

 

[StupidDream]

Yeh, I feel this way too.  My childhood was.... bad.  To put it mildly.  A lot of shit came out of that, including I'm fairly certain this orientation, which look its the person I am so Ii can't change it, and it is pointless playing the "what if" game but I suppose it just helps me come to terms with who I am and why I am the way I am, so in that was its helpful to think about...

 

I'm not sure if I consider myself broken.  I'm going to go with 'different' - I think that sounds better

[Guest Deus Ex Infinity]

I don't think so. Not necessarily. I'm suffering from a massive childhood trauma but there is no prove that these (violent) events are connected to my orientation.  I don't even care to be honest. It's just the way it is.

[StupidDream]

8 minutes ago, Deus Ex Infinity said:

I don't think. Not necessarily. I'm suffering from a massive childhood trauma but there is no prove that these (violent) events are connected to my orientation.  I don't even care to be honest. It's just the way it is.

I like your username by the way! Deus ex is one of my favourite video games (the first one anyway!)

[Tigrin]

I can see sexual abuse leading to an avoidance or repulsion towards sex, but I don't see what that has to do with sexual orientation. Isn't orientation innate? Unless you can also argue that trauma somehow can also cause heterosexuality, I feel like the assumption here is that there's something wrong or bad about anything other than heterosexuality that means it must be "caused" by something bad. You can just be asexual without there being any particular reason for it. It's not like people need any particular reason to be straight. 

[Guest Deus Ex Infinity]

1 hour ago, Poseidon said:

I like your username by the way! Deus ex is one of my favourite video games (the first one anyway!)

Thanks! It became the core center of my own universe last year. Nice to meet another fan here *shakes hands* DX:HR's actually a lot better that DXMKD

[StupidDream]

20 minutes ago, Deus Ex Infinity said:

Thanks! It became the core center of my own universe. Nice to meet another fan here *shakes hands* DX:HR's actually a lot better that DXMKD

Howdy!  Yes, the first Deux Ex is just pure perfection in video game form.  Whenever anyone asks me "favourite video games".  Its *always* the same stock answer.  Deus Ex, System Shock 2, Morrowind.  In that order!  I can literally quote whole chunks out of that game, and you know what, every time I play it I find new stuff I missed before!  I liked DX:HR actually.  Didn't like DXMKD at all, infact I gave up half way through...... Something about it was just.... I dunno, meh.  I really wanted them to set the new game just before the first DX, like maybe you'd bump into Walton Simons and Bob Page or something, maybe even visit the lab where the Dentons were being constructed, meet a pre-modified Anna/Gunther?  Maybe even bump into a young Alex Jacobson when he was still a teenager or something, maybe bust him for hacking!  I dunno...

 

I always really wanted them to kind of do a "love letter" to the original game, bring back some of those characters.  Maybe they will one day, but nothing has ever matched the atmosphere of the first game.  DX Revision has done wonders for replay value as well - have you ever played that?  Some of the level design changes I don't like, but the HD textures are nice!

 

So which DX is your favourite then?  We can carry on over PM if you want as this might be a LOOOONG conversation (I never met anyone who cared much for DX so this is a first!)

[Tigrin]

I'm not sure how you can focus so much on the biological perspective, and then turn around and lean hard on your environment growing up as an explanation. If you study everything that goes into the development of life you'd realize how many ways there are for things to go "wrong" at any given time and how much of a miracle it is for life to happen at all, much less happen perfectly. Everyone has some sort of genetic defect or anomaly that is there for no other reason than an accident of genetics. Things that arguably are bad for the continuation of a species, like a propensity for heart defects, for instance. And no one is arguing those are caused by childhood trauma. I have a fraternal twin who went through almost all the same childhood experiences as me, but she's heterosexual and I'm not. What I'm saying is that leaning so hard on environmental factors, to me, leads to that slippery slope of sexual orientation being something that can be formed by someone or changed.. worse, that it being something "wrong" means it SHOULD be changed. 

 

What I'm trying to say is there's nothing to understand, you are the way you are because you were meant to be and that's it. Straight people don't have to go around wondering why they're straight and neither should you. 

[StupidDream]

1 minute ago, Tigrin said:

I'm not sure how you can focus so much on the biological perspective, and then turn around and lean hard on your environment growing up as an explanation. If you study everything that goes into the development of life you'd realize how many ways there are for things to go "wrong" at any given time and how much of a miracle it is for life to happen at all, much less happen perfectly. Everyone has some sort of genetic defect or anomaly that is there for no other reason than an accident of genetics. Things that arguably are bad for the continuation of a species, like a propensity for heart defects, for instance. And no one is arguing those are caused by childhood trauma. I have a fraternal twin who went through almost all the same childhood experiences as me, but she's heterosexual and I'm not. What I'm saying is that leaning so hard on environmental factors, to me, leads to that slippery slope of sexual orientation being something that can be formed by someone or changed.. worse, that it being something "wrong" means it SHOULD be changed. 

 

What I'm trying to say is there's nothing to understand, you are the way you are because you were meant to be and that's it. Straight people don't have to go around wondering why they're straight and neither should you. 

It's interesting.  I'm not having a go at anyone by the way or looking for an argument, I was just trying to gain some insight.  I don't believe any orientation is wrong.  It's an interesting thing to think about.  I'll leave it for now for fear of offending anyone.

[Kelpie]

Possibly yes, but I think the question is kind of moot because you can't change the past. 

[nanogretchen4]

If someone experienced trauma before puberty we do not know what their sexual orientation was to start with and so we will probably never know if the trauma changed their orientation. There have been plenty of harmful crackpot psychological theories about how bad parenting or whatever makes people gay and conversion therapy can "fix" them. So no, I don't think it would be at all wise for doctors or psychologists to go there ever, ever again. If someone states that they have an asexual orientation, an ethical therapist at that point should just say they aren't sure what causes sexual orientations, and that they can't change anyone's sexual orientation. And then they should move on to treating the patient for whatever issues they are actually there about. Patients with minority sexual orientations need to be able to trust therapists to treat their depression or addiction or whatever without getting distracted and trying to "treat" permanent features of their personality. Also, I disagree that asexuality causes loneliness or problems with relationships, any more than homosexuality does. Failure to come out and seek compatible partners is what causes relationship problems. Loneliness is best addressed by participating in a supportive community, not by attempting to change sexual orientation.

[Lucas Monteiro]

I believe that in some cases yes,  because according to Science, sexual orientation comes from genes and social factor, the environment in which we live and what takes place within it. If you look around here at AVEN, you will see some cases of childhood trauma that made certain people question more about their sexualities, or even change their positioning about it. So, I believe that for some cases, this may occur but for others not, because I did not suffer any trauma in childhood and I am asexual.

[Sally]

No.   Childhood sexual trauma can affect your feelings about sex, but asexuality = not ever having any desire to  have sex with other people.  That's simply a lack of feeling of desire, not painful memories that affect you.  

[Homer]

No, I don't think that these two are related. As it has been pointed out, asexuality is an orientation (or the lack of one, if you want to look it that way). There are people who are both ace and have experienced past trauma, but correlation isn't the same as causation.

[Telecaster68]

It isn't, but it doesn't follow that because some asexuality isn't correlated with trauma, let alone caused by it, no asexuality is. 

[AssassinBabs]

I think the trauma has an impact which most can't understand. But also I believe that I was born ace. 

 

So how do I relate the two together? Well I believe that trauma can trigger your asexuality, that it was somewhat dorment but due to your trauma it serviced earlier. I mean if some people who are homo or lesbian find out that they are homo or lesbian after a merriage, than why should you know immidiatly that you are an ace? To me it makes sense that your trauma triggered your "sleeping" asexuality, so it awoke and now you are notecing your sexuality. 

 

I believe it worked the same way by myself. Due to not beeing savely attechted and the trauma's I had to endure, my ace  flared up stronger. I think if I didn't have those trauma's I'd still be ace, but probably wouldn't have noticed it so soon. 

[AssassinBabs]

15 hours ago, Yato said:

There is no real cure for certain mental illness, thus no cure for my Asexuality, Aromanticism, and Asensuality. 

 

Amen to this!!! I have this discussion over and over with my therapists who all believe that borderline can be cured.... Which I don't believe, I can learn to deal with the related problems. So if tested again I wouldnt be diagnosed again... but that doesnt mean I still have some BPD treats. Such as a higher emotional basislevel, or the way my stress level peaks when triggered.