Am i a gray-asexual?

[CharlotteRose]

I always thought i was bisexual as a child but then i realized as a teen that im pansexual. Now i question myself again. Ive had sex once and was raped once. I feel uncomfortable in sexual situatutions however i read smutty fanfiction and masturbate to celebrities. When im not aroused i feel disgusted by sexual content. Is this normal and does this mean im a gray-asexual?

[Chris Zulas]

I'm no expert on graysexuality, but know that it's largely a self-imposed thing. I too like porn - I've never masturbated myself, but have considered it and like porn and erotic art (often but not always of fictional characters) and whether this is a sexual thing I don't know - but the term autochorissexuality, which you should Google, DOES seem to include people sexually interested in activity outside of themselves - for instance, I have a single video downloaded on my laptop. I would never want to be in that situation BUT I do enjoy watching it and while IDK if I'd call it sexual arousal my body DOES respond to it and I enjoy that even if I do nothing with it. How this differs from graysexuality you would have to Google as I'm no expert. If you only feel arousal with porn or even fantasize about it (whether with yourself or some other person in the role) that would seem to me as autochorissexuality.
Another thing: sexuality through medication, trauma, or just plain being that way as well as other ways are ALL valid. We generally don't like being told we are how we are because of trauma or being wrong mentally because that's not how MOST of us are. Some would argue if it's through trauma it is a divergence from what you'd NORMALLY be. But even if that's the case, a veteran with one arm due to an IED explosion is still a one-armed veteran and can still do nearly anything. Having one arm is nothing to be ashamed of, and sexuality through trauma isn't even as debilitating as that. Not saying it's because of what happened to you, but I figured it might have been a thought in your head somewhat similar to when I thought I was faking when I had a crush once. Whatever you ID as, it's valid.

[CharlotteRose]

I looked it up and it seems to explain how im feeling however most of these people talk about fanfiction with fictional characters rather than celebrities. Does this sub category still include me?

[Kai99]

Quote

I always thought i was bisexual as a child but then i realized as a teen that im pansexual. Now i question myself again. Ive had sex once and was raped once. I feel uncomfortable in sexual situatutions however i read smutty fanfiction and masturbate to celebrities. When im not aroused i feel disgusted by sexual content. Is this normal and does this mean im a gray-asexual?

Are you in your early or late teens, or early twenties? 

[Chris Zulas]

2 hours ago, CharlotteRose said:

I looked it up and it seems to explain how im feeling however most of these people talk about fanfiction with fictional characters rather than celebrities. Does this sub category still include me?

It doesn't have to, and having sexual feelings for people but not wanting them reciprocated is akoi/lithosexual (same thing, different words). They're all considered a-spec.

[roland.o]

Hello and welcome to these forums, CharlotteRose! Have some cake :-)

 

It sounds normal enough to me, in the sense that many people feel that way. I don't think it tells you whether you are gray-asexual or not though. Libido, the sex drive, is just how your body behaves. It's undirected, something people can take care of themselves. Sexual attraction, on the other hand, draws you towards specific people. Or not, if you're asexual. For sexual people (hetero, homo, bi, pan,...) it is normal to feel sexual attraction. For asexual people, it doesn't happen. For gray-asexuals, it happens only rarely and/or under specific circumstances. That's my personal summary, I'm not sure whether it is perfectly aligned with the definitions you can find in the wiki and elsewhere.

 

So you can ask yourself: are you sexually attracted to (some) people? Not just fantasies that arouse you, but actual attraction to persons? Based on that, you can pick labels to describe your sexual orientation. But it's really that: a description of your feelings. Nothing more. If your feelings change, or you find a better description of them, you can always change the labels.

 

If you've never felt sexual attraction, "asexual" would be a good description. If you've felt it only rarely, compared to what the people around you would consider normal, "gray asexual" would be a good description. If you've never felt it, but think you might, join the club of the questioning people :-)

 

I hope that helps you somehow. Some links for further reading:

http://wiki.asexuality.org/Attraction

http://wiki.asexuality.org/Sexual_orientation

http://wiki.asexuality.org/Gray-A

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/123256-asexuality-sexual-orientation-lexicon-read-me/