White Tiger Posted August 19, 2017 Share Posted August 19, 2017 Hi, I found out this year that I was asexual when I realized people weren't joking about actually wanting to have sex (this was a huge shock). I'm confused about where I am on the spectrum though, and I'm in a long term relationship so I'd like to figure out if what I'm feeling is my sexuality or a problem in my emotional feelings about the relationship. So I'm basically clueless about sex (one time I saw a dick and thought it was some strange arm) but I know I don't like the thought of doing it. I find it sometimes interesting about how it works, but the thought of doing it makes me feel nauseous (probably seeing as every time I try to use a tampon I almost pass out). It's also just not attractive to me at all. I've never had a celebrity crush and only really find people attractive once I get to know them. I don't enjoy kisses from my boyfriend, and would rather just let him touch me or whatever (sometimes that's exciting, usually it's boring). I find the whole hugging and holding hands thing kinda pointless and sweaty but sometimes just cuddling is nice. I've also had dreams about liking girls (I'm a girl) but I don't know if these mean anything, though they have made me question if I'm actually heteromantic. I find everyone aesthetically pleasing and I'll find people's looks attractive once I get to know and like their personality. I'm wondering where I am on the spectrum or if this just sounds like relationship problems. Besides this, my relationship with my partner is solid. I'm just confused as to what an asexual relationship really is if I don't enjoy all the things I listed. Thank you for reading this horribly long thing. -W T Quote Link to post Share on other sites
theredbubble Posted August 19, 2017 Share Posted August 19, 2017 Alright friend, I'm here to help you out as much as I possibly can. I too am in the phase of questioning my romantic orientation, so I can personally connect with how you're feeling right now. So let's break this down and see where this gets us! From what I read I gathered that you might be Demiromantic or Demisexual. I didn't gather that you were grey from what you described. Now about you and dreaming about the same gender. Surprisingly it's actually common, or at least for females. Women are known to fluctuate more then men. Now if you feel like acting on these attractions then we can discuss romantic orientations in more depth. Alright last thing, and then I'll let you respond, have you considered yourself on the aromantic spectrum or just the asexual spectrum? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
White Tiger Posted August 19, 2017 Author Share Posted August 19, 2017 Thanks for being willing to help! I have not considered myself aromantic seeing as I want a relationship. I couldn't really find a solid definition for aromantic though, so I don't know if I'm more that or ace. Could you also explain more about the Demi thing? I don't really understand it. Thank you!!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
theredbubble Posted August 19, 2017 Share Posted August 19, 2017 So Demi means you develop sexual attraction to people once you have a strong connection or bond with an individual. Like all other identities on the asexual spectrum, Demisexuality is a spectrum of its own. For some people, it can take years and for others, not as long. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
White Tiger Posted August 19, 2017 Author Share Posted August 19, 2017 Oh okay. Well I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year and I'm pretty emotionally connected with him, but still don't feel sexual attraction. What kind of asexual does it sound like I am? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MiniVegan Posted August 19, 2017 Share Posted August 19, 2017 Asexual and possibly biromantic? Or what some have coined as wtfromantic or quoiromantic. Like, you're not always sure whether you're romantically attracted or not. I'm attracted aesthetically to men and women, but I'm often confused about whether that means I would want to date a woman. I haven't yet. I have dated men. I've just decided that I'm definitely ace, and I can decide to date anyone I'm interested in. If I can't nail it down perfectly, that's ok. I'm just glad I found out asexuality is a thing, because I also thought being super interested in sex was a joke. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
White Tiger Posted August 19, 2017 Author Share Posted August 19, 2017 Wait, is there a thing that's kinda in between being romantically attracted to people and not? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
theredbubble Posted August 19, 2017 Share Posted August 19, 2017 21 minutes ago, White Tiger said: Wait, is there a thing that's kinda in between being romantically attracted to people and not? Grey-romantic or Gray-romantic: a person with a romantic orientation that is somewhere between aromantic and romantic. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
theredbubble Posted August 19, 2017 Share Posted August 19, 2017 Just now, BubleMnky said: Grey-romantic or Gray-romantic: a person with a romantic orientation that is somewhere between aromantic and romantic. Demiromantic is classified under greyromantic. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
White Tiger Posted August 19, 2017 Author Share Posted August 19, 2017 And demiromantic is like you only feel romantic towards a person once you know them? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
theredbubble Posted August 19, 2017 Share Posted August 19, 2017 Just now, White Tiger said: And demiromantic is like you only feel romantic towards a person once you know them? Yes, however it too is a spectrum. Basically every branch of asexuality is a tiny spectrum of its own as well. Some people can take years before they develop sexual attraction and others can take less time. It is different for each individual. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
White Tiger Posted August 19, 2017 Author Share Posted August 19, 2017 Okay, thanks for your help. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
theredbubble Posted August 19, 2017 Share Posted August 19, 2017 Just now, White Tiger said: Okay, thanks for your help. No problem. If you have any more questions I'm always here to help and if I don't know any answers I know some great places and other forums that can provide other answers. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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