Sdt56 Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 Hi everyone! My name is syd, currently I identify as a bisexual (maybe biromantics idk) ace spec. I am trying to figure out which ace spec label that I fit into (currently between gray ace and Demi, but this could change). I know I want a romantic relationship, and I'm the fueature a sexual one. But idk if I have every experienced sexual attraction. It would help me a lot if you could explain that to me! Link to post Share on other sites
Puck Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 First off, welcome to AVEN! Hope it can be a good resource for you This is a discussion that has been had many times on AVEN and the best answer people can usual give is: It feels different to different people. The only thing people really agree on is that it feels like wanting to participate in sexual actives with another person. For some, they feel a tingle in their intimate areas, for other's it's just mental yearning for the other person, for some it's just wanting to be closer to that other person, for still others it's wanting to watch someone participate in a certain activity (not always sexual in nature, such as kinks/fetishes)........ It's one of the biggest struggles for asexuals; How does one define something they don't feel? And it makes it tough for some that are questioning to know if they're asexual because no one can tell them what sexual attraction really is. The best advice I can give you is only ever have sex when you want to. If you never want to, then you probably aren't experiencing sexual attraction. If you do want to, then you are probably experiencing some form of it. Hope that helps Link to post Share on other sites
Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 Welcome to Aven! I'm asexual....so I never experience sexual attraction myself (Obviously ) But, I would see sexual attraction as this : when you see a man/woman you find them sexually appealing, the though of having sex with him/her excites you mentally and sexually. That's what I would consider as sexual attraction, though I could be wrong. 2 minutes ago, Puck said: First off, welcome to AVEN! Hope it can be a good resource for you This is a discussion that has been had many times on AVEN and the best answer people can usual give is: It feels different to different people. The only thing people really agree on is that it feels like wanting to participate in sexual actives with another person. For some, they feel a tingle in their intimate areas, for other's it's just mental yearning for the other person, for some it's just wanting to be closer to that other person, for still others it's wanting to watch someone participate in a certain activity (not always sexual in nature, such as kinks/fetishes)........ It's one of the biggest struggles for asexuals; How does one define something they don't feel? And it makes it tough for some that are questioning to know if they're asexual because no one can tell them what sexual attraction really is. The best advice I can give you is only ever have sex when you want to. If you never want to, then you probably aren't experiencing sexual attraction. If you do want to, then you are probably experiencing some form of it. Hope that helps Puck answer is great ^^ I agree with him, only have sex if you want to. You should never be pressured into doing something you don't want to. Regardless whether your ace or not Sdt56, always know you are welcomed here. There are plenty of sexual people here Make yourself welcomed. Link to post Share on other sites
Sdt56 Posted August 18, 2017 Author Share Posted August 18, 2017 Thank you both!! Link to post Share on other sites
IntellectualAsexual Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 Here is a wikipedia article about it: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_attraction Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 21, 2017 Share Posted August 21, 2017 For me, it feels like a desire to connect sexually with the person that I love. My body literally aches for that connection, even if I'm not aroused!! It goes far deeper than arousal for me. Though weirdly I'd also be perfectly fine if I never had sex again, that doesn't stop the desire being there though. It's really different from person to person (PS: I also never look at 'attractive' people and want to have sex with them just because they're hot. I need a love connection to desire sex with someone and many sexuals feel that way!) Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted August 21, 2017 Share Posted August 21, 2017 I know this doesn't play nicely with AVEN's need to categorise, label, and dissect.... but I think it is one of those things that if you have to ask, you haven't felt it. There's the odd post on here from people who've previously not felt it... then felt it. If anyone could pin down the difference, they should be able to, but they can't. Any attempts are instantly mired in asexuals getting the wrong end of the stick. Link to post Share on other sites
Kai99 Posted August 21, 2017 Share Posted August 21, 2017 Yeah, I would say if you desire any partnered sexual contact with another person, not including having sex for a partner to make the partner happy, than that means you are sexual. Sexual attraction isn't simply visual. Sexual attraction is things that can cause sexual desire, and that can go from intelligence to a person's naked feet. Link to post Share on other sites
Patronus_Cat Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 I recently moved to the sexual spectrum from asexual. To me. sexual attraction feels like wanting intimacy and being close to a person (a partner, preferably). Its a want, a desire, to be physically close with that person and do sexual things on them, having sexual things done to me, participate in sexual activity. Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Patronus - that's what most sexuals would say, because that's pretty much what it is. What would have made of that description when you were asexual? Link to post Share on other sites
Patronus_Cat Posted August 23, 2017 Share Posted August 23, 2017 Telecaster68- when I was on the asexual spectrum, I didn't ''want'' to be physically close with a person and was ok without having sexual contact, even though I may fantasize. But those fantasies weren't to a specific person, it was just a physiological need. The difference I found is in whether I WANT it or not. As asexual, I honestly didn't care, but now as a sexual, I crave for that kind of intimacy. I hope I was able to answer your question Link to post Share on other sites
Maristine Posted August 28, 2017 Share Posted August 28, 2017 The best I can explain it is like a magnetic pull, of which I have 2 analogies. First, it's a similar pull to when I see a really delicious-looking cupcake and I feel this intense desire to eat it. Or similarly if I see a really cute, fluffy dog, I have every fiber of my mind and body being compelled to pet that dog. However, attraction isn't always this intense thing. Sometimes it's a subtle magnetic pull. I think sexual attraction isn't and on/off black/white thing. There are different degrees. But the magnetic pull feeling is the best term I have for it. Link to post Share on other sites
kiaroskuro Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 On 21.8.2017 at 4:09 PM, Kai99 said: Yeah, I would say if you desire any partnered sexual contact with another person, not including having sex for a partner to make the partner happy, than that means you are sexual. It could also mean that you're somewhere on the grey-asexual spectrum. You could be demisexual, for instance. Sorry for being such a nitpicker, I just felt it was necessary to point that out. Link to post Share on other sites
Fellator54 Posted September 1, 2017 Share Posted September 1, 2017 Deleted Link to post Share on other sites
Apathetic Echidna Posted September 5, 2017 Share Posted September 5, 2017 I'm going to answer your topic line as it is written Quote What doesn't sexual attraction feel like? I felt a very strong attraction once that was clearly not sexual or romantic. I walked into a room and an awareness began. It was like someone was turning up the lights with a dimmer switch, other things just faded away until nothing else mattered. My brain started echoing what he was saying and I had the weird desire to sit on the floor at his feet. Interestingly this is almost the same reaction I get when I watch Harry Potter/Fantastic Beasts or Jurassic Park/Jurassic World in the cinema, except with the movies I get shivers and goosbumps. My strongest desire at these times if to be part of the experience, to wash away in sensation. When a desire to touch enters the equation that is when it gets confusing and I'm not sure if it is sensual or sexual. So these are my feelings, and everyone is different but it is good to assume that sexual attraction is generally something you feel towards another person, not an abstract experience or inanimate objects. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.