Eli16 Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 Hi! Im new here and Ive been pretty confused about my sexuality recently and I was wondering if maybe someone could help!! I have a boyfrined and I love to hug and cuddle and when he touches me sometimes my skin will tingle, and when i miss him my heart hurts. But when we talk about having sex, I dont want to! When Im so to speak "horny" I do want to, but right after I dont want to have sex. Is there something wrong or am I just not experiencing sexual attraction? Im very confused. My boyfrined always thinks its because Im not into him, but I am! I dont know why I feel this way. Im a girl btw. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
OldSoul Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 This is a learning phase, and azexuality is a spectrum. You do feel arousal, which would be 'sexual attraction'. No one is really always in the mood. There is a good chance you are on the asexual spectrum, but also a good chance you aren't yet comfortable with sexual intimacy, or just have a low libido. Hope this helps, and welcome to AVEN! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Apathetic Echidna Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 So the fact that you like to touch, cuddle and spend time together (I'm assuming) in a romantic way means you are probably not aromantic. There is lots of information on this site about different attractions and relationships. It can be confusing but hopefully it can help you sort out how you feel. Libido, the desire for solo masturbation, is not linked to sexual attraction in the definitions of this site, so maybe ask yourself about what you feel when being horny? and are you repulsed by the thought of sex or are you kind of neutral or you like the idea but not the act? Maybe reading about other people's experiences and the info on the site can help you with your vocabulary in getting your feelings across to your boyfriend and sorting your feelings out. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lucy in the sky Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 It seems that you are romantic in a way that you like the 'couples stuff' (cuddling, hugging, etc.), and that 'horny' feeling is probably sexual arousal, which is common even among aces. Arousal is more of a physical mechanism. The fact that you don't feel comfortable about doing *it* could be anything - maybe you're just insecure, nervous, or you could indeed be asexual. It's not easy to define it, but perhaps ask yourself this; Did you experience this with any previous boyfriends? Do you feel aversion towards the ACT of sex and the physical contact that comes with it, or an aversion because you are insecure? Do you feel attraction towards your boyfriend (not in a sense that you like him, which you obviously do, but more along the lines of feeling like you want to experience physical pleasures together, want to touch and be touched in a particular sexual way - but just feel nervous about it)? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
roland.o Posted August 18, 2017 Share Posted August 18, 2017 12 hours ago, OldSoul said: You do feel arousal, which would be 'sexual attraction'. I beg to disagree. Arousal is a biological/physical response, while sexual attraction is an emotional response. It's quite possible to get aroused without experiencing sexual attraction. http://wiki.asexuality.org/Asexuality#Attraction http://wiki.asexuality.org/Libido http://wiki.asexuality.org/ABCD_types Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Eli16 Posted August 19, 2017 Author Share Posted August 19, 2017 19 hours ago, Apathetic Echidna said: So the fact that you like to touch, cuddle and spend time together (I'm assuming) in a romantic way means you are probably not aromantic. There is lots of information on this site about different attractions and relationships. It can be confusing but hopefully it can help you sort out how you feel. Libido, the desire for solo masturbation, is not linked to sexual attraction in the definitions of this site, so maybe ask yourself about what you feel when being horny? and are you repulsed by the thought of sex or are you kind of neutral or you like the idea but not the act? Maybe reading about other people's experiences and the info on the site can help you with your vocabulary in getting your feelings across to your boyfriend and sorting your feelings out. Thank you for your help! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Eli16 Posted August 19, 2017 Author Share Posted August 19, 2017 20 hours ago, OldSoul said: This is a learning phase, and azexuality is a spectrum. You do feel arousal, which would be 'sexual attraction'. No one is really always in the mood. There is a good chance you are on the asexual spectrum, but also a good chance you aren't yet comfortable with sexual intimacy, or just have a low libido. Hope this helps, and welcome to AVEN! Thank you! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Eli16 Posted August 19, 2017 Author Share Posted August 19, 2017 18 hours ago, Lucy in the sky said: It seems that you are romantic in a way that you like the 'couples stuff' (cuddling, hugging, etc.), and that 'horny' feeling is probably sexual arousal, which is common even among aces. Arousal is more of a physical mechanism. The fact that you don't feel comfortable about doing *it* could be anything - maybe you're just insecure, nervous, or you could indeed be asexual. It's not easy to define it, but perhaps ask yourself this; Did you experience this with any previous boyfriends? Do you feel aversion towards the ACT of sex and the physical contact that comes with it, or an aversion because you are insecure? Do you feel attraction towards your boyfriend (not in a sense that you like him, which you obviously do, but more along the lines of feeling like you want to experience physical pleasures together, want to touch and be touched in a particular sexual way - but just feel nervous about it)? Thank you for the advice! This helped clear my mind a bit haha 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Eli16 Posted August 19, 2017 Author Share Posted August 19, 2017 7 hours ago, roland.o said: I beg to disagree. Arousal is a biological/physical response, while sexual attraction is an emotional response. It's quite possible to get aroused without experiencing sexual attraction. http://wiki.asexuality.org/Asexuality#Attraction http://wiki.asexuality.org/Libido http://wiki.asexuality.org/ABCD_types Thank you! Thats really good to know, always been kinda confused about that! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
OldSoul Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 You learn something new everyday. I definitely consider it differently still, but that's my opinion. I don't feel arousal whatsoever, and if I did, would consider it some form of attraction. Like I said: spectrum... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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