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A few questions, im confused...


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ok so im a asexual male, and i know that for a fact! i find sex absolutely gross and i would never do it and i dont find nudity attractive either, but i would like to be in a relationship, but ive never had a girlfriend in my life (im hetro-romantic) and im starting to think ill be single forever, idk what im doing wrong! i try to be very nice to the girls i meet but they just ignore me, im losing hope in any romantic relationship, also im a furry (suprized??) furries are NOT sexually attracted to animals like people say! there just people who feel more animal then human (its hard to explain) also one more thing....i..um..have a spanking fetish, and i love being spanked, especially by a girl, but it turns me on and i hate that!! im in a weird position, any advice???

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If girls don't like you, then they are not the right girl. Simply put. Every human is different, so just keep being yourself. I'm going to guess you are fairly young? Another question, and don't bother answering if it makes you uncomfortable to do so, but if you've "never had a girlfriend", how do you know that a girl spanking you would trigger arousal?

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5 hours ago, OldSoul said:

(If girls don't like you, then they are not the right girl. Simply put. Every human is different, so just keep being yourself. I'm going to guess you are fairly young? Another question, and don't bother answering if it makes you uncomfortable to do so, but if you've "never had a girlfriend", how do you know that a girl spanking you would trigger arousal?)

 

im not that young, im 19 now, and im losing hope of finding a girl, if i had to guess why mabye its because im too submissive? oh and well, because ive roleplayed about spanking and ive had fantasys about it which turned me on, is there any way i could keep myself from getting turned on? oh and thank you for responding! ^w^ 

 

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I'm a 23 y.o. ace guy and I've never dated or had sex either so you're not alone. The thing is, I'm probably aro as well since I've never really put any effort into dating and I don't crush on people. I have problems with keeping female friends though; I'm really oblivious and overall kinda a cynical oddball so I tend to miss romantic cues a normal person might pick up on. 🤷🏻‍♂️ Sorry you haven't had much luck so far ☹️. It takes a while for everyone though so don't get discouraged. I'm not experienced with girls but women (at least once a quarter) tended to approach me in college cause I did well in class and tried to help people with the material. Being helpful (but obviously don't do people's work for them) seemed to work out for me, even though I never realized people were interested at the time 😅.

 

Also, you can't help what turns you on 😕. It's an automatic response by your body so don't feel guilty about it. It happens, and frankly, there's waaayyyyy weirder fetishes out there 😖.

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2 minutes ago, Laplace said:

I'm a 23 y.o. ace guy and I've never dated or had sex either so you're not alone. The thing is, I'm probably aro as well since I've never really put any effort into dating and I don't crush on people. I have problems with keeping female friends though; I'm really oblivious and overall kinda a cynical oddball so I tend to miss romantic cues a normal person might pick up on. 🤷🏻‍♂️ Sorry you haven't had much luck so far ☹️. It takes a while for everyone though so don't get discouraged. I'm not experienced with girls but women (at least once a quarter) tended to approach me in college cause I did well in class and tried to help people with the material. Being helpful (but obviously don't do people's work for them) seemed to work out for me, even though I never realized people were interested at the time 😅.

 

Also, you can't help what turns you on 😕. It's an automatic response by your body so don't feel guilty about it. It happens, and frankly, there's waaayyyyy weirder fetishes out there 😖.

well i haven't put much effort into dating either actually, but thats because no girl seems interested, i dont have that many female friends but my best friend is female (shes my sister XD) but considering my age i would think i would at least of had one girlfriend, thank you for the help friend! ^w^

 

yeah, but doesn't my fetish fall under the sexual part of fetishs? it makes me feel weirder and more alone because im asexual....

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4 hours ago, KyleTheFox said:

it makes me feel weirder and more alone because im asexual....

Oh, you're not alone. Go meet some friends...

https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/105805-kink-bdsm-and-cake/

 

But have some cake first: :cake:  Welcome to these forums!

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1 hour ago, roland.o said:

Oh, you're not alone. Go meet some friends...

https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/105805-kink-bdsm-and-cake/

 

But have some cake first: :cake:  Welcome to these forums!

thank-you so much!! (for the cake and the link >w< ) ill try to make some friends there, but im pretty new to this site so i dont fully understand how it works

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Nea Rose Symphony

I have trouble with that too but it helps to focus more on your life than on dating. And furries are cool

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6 hours ago, Cetasoul said:

I have trouble with that too but it helps to focus more on your life than on dating. And furries are cool

yeah, im probably just gonna give up on finding anyone, i haven't found anyone before so i dont think i will now, and yes furries are awesome!! ^w^

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Nea Rose Symphony
3 hours ago, KyleTheFox said:

yeah, im probably just gonna give up on finding anyone, i haven't found anyone before so i dont think i will now, and yes furries are awesome!! ^w^

Love is overrated anyways, speaking from someone who finally dated for the first time and had it fail

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23 minutes ago, Cetasoul said:

Love is overrated anyways, speaking from someone who finally dated for the first time and had it fail

yeah im sure i would fail anyways, irl im very socially awkward....

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Nea Rose Symphony
Just now, KyleTheFox said:

yeah im sure i would fail anyways, irl im very socially awkward....

Then again life is odd and can throw a curveball. But the chances of that in this regard seem to be very slim to almost none

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2 minutes ago, Cetasoul said:

Then again life is odd and can throw a curveball. But the chances of that in this regard seem to be very slim to almost none

yeah...

anyway, thanks for helping me out! ^w^

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Nea Rose Symphony
7 hours ago, KyleTheFox said:

yeah...

anyway, thanks for helping me out! ^w^

Yep! Nice fursona btw

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On 8/18/2017 at 6:52 AM, KyleTheFox said:

im 19 now

You're still a teenager! I don't in any way mean you are a child, because you are not. I mean to say, most people haven't met the right person by that age whatsoever. You are still very young.
In reference to kinks, fantasizing and participating are two very different things. Inpractice it may not be remotely enjoyable to you. That being said, you shouldn't try to make it go away (unless you want to, of course!), as kinks and quirks are natural.

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19 hours ago, Cetasoul said:

Yep! Nice fursona btw

thanks!! >w<

 

27 minutes ago, OldSoul said:

You're still a teenager! I don't in any way mean you are a child, because you are not. I mean to say, most people haven't met the right person by that age whatsoever. You are still very young.
In reference to kinks, fantasizing and participating are two very different things. Inpractice it may not be remotely enjoyable to you. That being said, you shouldn't try to make it go away (unless you want to, of course!), as kinks and quirks are natural.

well i know i haven't met 'the one' (if i even have one) but i mean i haven't even ever had a girlfriend, and thats very uncommon for my age im sure...

i-i kind wanna try my kink, but theres no one to do it with, i imagine i would enjoy it alot but idk for sure, i dont think i ever will though

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Hi, and welcome to AVEN! Have some cake! :cake:

I hope you're having a good day. I am younger than you, but I have never dated anyone before either. I'm sorry you're not having the best luck, but it's okay. You'll find "the one" someday (of course if you still believe there is "the one" for you). Maybe try searching the furry community, if you want a girlfriend who has the same interests as you. :D And lastly, there's no need to be ashamed of your fetishes. There's a ton of people out there like you who can relate to your experiences.

I hope you find what you're looking for! Remember that it will all come in time, and there's no need to worry. Have a great time!

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5 hours ago, mayapple said:

Hi, and welcome to AVEN! Have some cake! :cake:

I hope you're having a good day. I am younger than you, but I have never dated anyone before either. I'm sorry you're not having the best luck, but it's okay. You'll find "the one" someday (of course if you still believe there is "the one" for you). Maybe try searching the furry community, if you want a girlfriend who has the same interests as you. :D And lastly, there's no need to be ashamed of your fetishes. There's a ton of people out there like you who can relate to your experiences.

I hope you find what you're looking for! Remember that it will all come in time, and there's no need to worry. Have a great time!

thank you! >w< *eats cake!* ive been all over the furry community like furry forums and furrtrax, but i didnt find anyone still, but im thinking of trying again, mabye on a furry website i haven't heard of? and thanks! i always feel like such a weirdo when im around anyone because of my fetishes, but i was lucky enough to meet some people interested in the same things!! ^w^

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There is nice, than there is push over, and many guys who try to attract girls by their niceness are actually coming off as a huge pushover. Most women don't want that, and you will find yourself in the friendzone constantly if you continue. What many women are attracted to is confidence so if you are attracted to a girl, make your attractions known early on.  Openly flirt with her on first meet. Don't be pushy about it, but gauge her reaction and if she is showing interest, increase the flirtation. Women like a guy who know what he wants and stand up for themselves. If you are able to secure in a relationship with one, don't become a pushover than. Like the things you like, don't try to accommodate what the girl wants all the time. 

 

Also, there are some fetish websites that could help you to connect with others of the same fetish. FetLife being one of them. I would advise to keep your mind open about your orientation as well. It is very possible that you may desire some form of partnered sexual contact when you are in a relationship that you desire. Maybe, maybe not. Relationship experience tend to clear that up.

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14 hours ago, Kai99 said:

There is nice, than there is push over, and many guys who try to attract girls by their niceness are actually coming off as a huge pushover. Most women don't want that, and you will find yourself in the friendzone constantly if you continue. What many women are attracted to is confidence so if you are attracted to a girl, make your attractions known early on.  Openly flirt with her on first meet. Don't be pushy about it, but gauge her reaction and if she is showing interest, increase the flirtation. Women like a guy who know what he wants and stand up for themselves. If you are able to secure in a relationship with one, don't become a pushover than. Like the things you like, don't try to accommodate what the girl wants all the time. 

 

Also, there are some fetish websites that could help you to connect with others of the same fetish. FetLife being one of them. I would advise to keep your mind open about your orientation as well. It is very possible that you may desire some form of partnered sexual contact when you are in a relationship that you desire. Maybe, maybe not. Relationship experience tend to clear that up.

but my personality is very submissive, and i have 0 experience with flirting, as for standing up for myself i can do that, but i dont like to cause trouble with others if i can avoid it, and no matter what ill like the things i like! >w< i dont see how i couldn't, ill try that.... 

thanks!! ^w^

 

i know a one site i roleplay at, it focuses on my fetish only which works out great! but some people want sexual stuff there and i dont like it, and do you mean irl or in roleplaying?

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but my personality is very submissive, and i have 0 experience with flirting, as for standing up for myself i can do that, but i dont like to cause trouble with others if i can avoid it, and no matter what ill like the things i like! >w< i dont see how i couldn't, ill try that.... 

thanks!! ^w^

Hey, I didn't say anything about it being easy. As someone who dealt with extreme shyness growing up, I know how it feels to be out of my comfort zone social wise. If you want a relationship, don't resign yourself to being single. There is a lot of good advice out there on flirting for men. You will have to get out of the comfort zone to practice, but practice makes perfect, you know. If you don't know how to flirt, you learn how and practice in real life. Keep in mind many men are in the same boat as you, and many others who are very willing to help get them out of that boat.

 

Quote

i know a one site i roleplay at, it focuses on my fetish only which works out great! but some people want sexual stuff there and i dont like it, and do you mean irl or in roleplaying?

In real life.

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31 minutes ago, Kai99 said:

Hey, I didn't say anything about it being easy. As someone who dealt with extreme shyness growing up, I know how it feels to be out of my comfort zone social wise. If you want a relationship, don't resign yourself to being single. There is a lot of good advice out there on flirting for men. You will have to get out of the comfort zone to practice, but practice makes perfect, you know. If you don't know how to flirt, you learn how and practice in real life. Keep in mind many men are in the same boat as you, and many others who are very willing to help get them out of that boat.

 

In real life.

ill try to learn, i just always dont know what to say! when i talk to someone it lasts like three minutes then we both sit there silently, i eventually walk away after that..

 

i doubt i would want anything sexual irl, i think its gross, and i cant imagine myself doing it...

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20 minutes ago, KyleTheFox said:

ill try to learn, i just always dont know what to say! when i talk to someone it lasts like three minutes then we both sit there silently, i eventually walk away after that..

 

i doubt i would want anything sexual irl, i think its gross, and i cant imagine myself doing it...

There are asexual people in the BDSM community that prefers nonsexual play. I can relate to being unable to keep a conversation. It was horrid when I was younger, but I did get past it when I went to college. Also, being a cashier really helped.

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