Romantic attraction without sensual attraction?

[999papercranes]

Is it even possible to have romantic attraction without key components of sensual attraction? (Wanting to kiss, mainly?) I think kissing is a little disgusting, myself. But other than kissing, what separates romantic attraction from platonic attraction? Because I feel like I love girls more than in a platonic way, but is it really romantic if I don't experience huge crush symptoms and don't want to kiss them? (For crush symptoms I mean butterflies in the stomach, etc.) 

[quietcrayon]

Well, pretty much (I think), you can experience any kind of attraction and lack any kind of attraction. Experiencing romantic attraction, doesn't mean you have to experience sensual attraction. 

 

Though your description of not experiencing usual crush symptoms, but loving girls more than platonically seems like you might be feeling a desire for a QQP/QPR - Queer/Quasi platonic partner/relationship. A relationship that doesn't fit a typical platonic or romantic ideas.

 

The definition of romantic attraction is desiring a romantic relationship with a certain person. And platonic kind of attraction is desire to form platonic relationships with people. Platonic stuff can be vary, sometimes even resembling romantic stuff, but I think what really sets them apart is the crush symptoms (like your heart racing around them, butterflies, wanting be around them a lot, and desiring to be 'romantic' with them). 

 

Idk if this was any help. But if you haven't already, look into QPRs, see if maybe thats the kind attraction you're feeling (wanting to be in a QPR with a girl - don't know if theres a word for that like there is 'crush' and 'squish'). Of course I can't explain romantic attraction well cause I'm aro, and I'm just here to give some hopefully helpful info, not tell you thats what you are.

[999papercranes]

16 minutes ago, quietcrayon said:

Well, pretty much (I think), you can experience any kind of attraction and lack any kind of attraction. Experiencing romantic attraction, doesn't mean you have to experience sensual attraction. 

 

Though your description of not experiencing usual crush symptoms, but loving girls more than platonically seems like you might be feeling a desire for a QQP/QPR - Queer/Quasi platonic partner/relationship. A relationship that doesn't fit a typical platonic or romantic ideas.

 

The definition of romantic attraction is desiring a romantic relationship with a certain person. And platonic kind of attraction is desire to form platonic relationships with people. Platonic stuff can be vary, sometimes even resembling romantic stuff, but I think what really sets them apart is the crush symptoms (like your heart racing around them, butterflies, wanting be around them a lot, and desiring to be 'romantic' with them). 

 

Idk if this was any help. But if you haven't already, look into QPRs, see if maybe thats the kind attraction you're feeling (wanting to be in a QPR with a girl - don't know if theres a word for that like there is 'crush' and 'squish'). Of course I can't explain romantic attraction well cause I'm aro, and I'm just here to give some hopefully helpful info, not tell you thats what you are.

Yeah, I've always wanted a QPR ever since I heard of the term. Thank you for telling me more about it though  I'm just curious what sets a romantic relationship apart from a QPR. I don't know if my feelings extend beyond platonic or not.

[Pramana]

Kissing isn't a universal sign of romantic attraction. In fact, there are cultures where kissing isn't a common practice. See: http://hraf.yale.edu/romantic-or-disgusting-passionate-kissing-is-not-a-human-universal/

As for indicators of romantic attraction, I like to cite this list from a journal article on the topic:

"1. the loved person takes on "special meaning." As one of Tennov's informants phrased it, "My whole world had been transformed. It had a new center, and that center was Marilyn" (Tennov 1979:18). This phenomenon is coupled with the inability to feel romantic passion for more than one person at a time;

2. intrusive thinking about the loved person;

3. crystallization, or the tendency to focus on the loved person's positive qualities and overlook or falsely appraise his/her negative traits;

4. labile psychophysiological responses to the loved person, including exhilaration, euphoria, buoyance, spiritual feelings, feelings of fusion with the loved person, increased energy, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, shyness, awkwardness, trembling, pallor, flushing, stammering, aching of the "heart," inappropriate laughing, gazing, prolonged eye contact, butterflies in the stomach, sweaty palms, weak knees, dilated pupils, dizziness, a pounding heart, accelerated breathing, uncertainty, anxiety, panic, and/or fear in the presence of the loved person;

5. a longing for emotional reciprocity coupled with the desire to achieve emotional union with the loved person;

6. emotional dependency on the relationship with the loved person, including feelings of hope, apprehension, possessiveness, preoccupation with the beloved, hypersensitivity to cues given by the beloved, inability to concentrate on matters unrelated to the beloved, jealousy, emotional vulnerability, fear of rejection by the beloved, fantasies about the loved person, separation anxiety, and swings in mood associated with the fluctuating state of the relationship, as well as feelings of despair, lack of optimism, listlessness, brooding, and loss of hope during a temporary setback in the relationship or after rejection by the loved person;

7. a powerful sense of empathy toward the loved person, including a feeling of responsibility for the beloved and a willingness to sacrifice for the loved person;

8. a reordering of daily priorities to be available to the loved person coupled with the impulse to make a certain impression on the loved person, including changing one's clothing, mannerisms, habits, or values;

9. an intensification of passionate feelings caused by adversity in the relationship;

10. a sexual desire for the target of infatuation coupled with the desire for sexual exclusivity;

11. the precedence of the craving for emotional union over the desire for sexual union with the beloved;

12. the feeling that one's romantic passion is involuntary and uncontrollable." 

 

See: Helen E. Fisher, Lust, Attraction, and Attachment in Mammalian Reproduction, Human Nature, March 1998, Volume 9, Issue 1, pages 23–52.

[Galactic Turtle]

As someone who is touch averse I have never associated touch with the communication of love.

 

Still not entirely sure about my romantic orientation but even the people I'm most fond of in this world I grow nauseous with the thought of having to touch them or them wanting me to touch them. 

 

Apparently because of this even if I were in love, I guess, it wouldn't really be seen as such by anybody.