How does it feel to be agender?

[Lucas Monteiro]

I'm sorry if this seems to be very elusive, but out of curiosity I'd like to know what it's like to be agender. How do you feel about being agender? How did you find out you were? If my questions offended you, I'm really sorry, I never meant to. I am ignorant of this subject, and would like to know more.

[Sherlocks]

I think I probably am. I forget what my gender is and focus on personality type.

[Yep, me]

I vary to much to fit into existing concepts of gender, and also female and male 'traits' are not ones I have so we would have to invent a few genders and call me trigenderfluid. There, that's what it feels like to me personally.

[litanies]

Mostly for me it feels like not having a clue what it's like to "feel" like one is a particular gender.

[arekathevampyre]

for me it is a mix of lack of gender , not caring about gender at all and identifying as a human 

[BionicPi]

1 hour ago, arekathevampyre said:

for me it is a mix of lack of gender , not caring about gender at all

1 hour ago, litanies said:

Mostly for me it feels like not having a clue what it's like to "feel" like one is a particular gender.

Seconded. Also minor euphoria with seeming androgynous.

 

[arekathevampyre]

9 minutes ago, BionicPi said:

Seconded. Also minor euphoria with seeming androgynous.

 

👍

[TheAP]

Moved from Questions about Asexuality to Gender Discussion.

 

TheAP

Questions about Asexuality co-mod

[To Each Their Own]

 

2 hours ago, Lucas Monteiro said:

I'm sorry if this seems to be very elusive, but out of curiosity I'd like to know what it's like to be agender. How do you feel about being agender? How did you find out you were? If my questions offended you, I'm really sorry, I never meant to. I am ignorant of this subject, and would like to know more.

For me it's about extreme dysphoria with my agab. It was very difficult for me to figure out I was agender because, even though I had extreme gender dysphoria, I didn't not recognise it as such because I had no desire to be the OPPOSITE gender. My desire was to NOT be my agab...there was no name for that 35 years ago.

 

How do I feel about it?  Angry at first. Because if I would have known I was transgender when I was 14 years old, I could have avoided 35 years of pain and suffering that I went through trying to fix what was wrong with me through starving and self-mutilation. However, I'm more at peace now because I'm in the process of transitioning and my body is becoming more aligned with how my mind perceives it to be.

[-Lex-]

I figured out I was probably agender the same way I figured out I was asexual.  It's like the spot in my brain and personality where sexuality and gender are supposed to be is just blank.  (I feel like when God made me, he went to add in my sexuality and gender and then decided... Nah I don't think she needs it.  Haha)

[Alex the Queer]

a combination of knowing that i'm definitely not a girl or a guy, feeling like the whole idea of gender itself just doesn't really fit me, and just forgetting about/ignoring gender and just never really thinking about it and having it not be a part of my life at all

[Erasmvs]

1 hour ago, AceAlexa said:

I feel like when God made me, he went to add in my sexuality and gender and then decided... Nah I don't think she needs it.  Haha

THIS.

[Sage Raven Domino]

What follows is my interpretation of my absence of a defined way of gender presentation.

 

I can tell the following to anyone who asks what my gender is: why would you ever need to know it*? Your impression of me shouldn't depend on how I call myself. You either like me as I am, or you don't. And I don't bother to modify my life to make it match male or female patterns - my life will be the way I like it, as much as it's possible without violating others' freedoms, but not necessarily the way anyone else would like it to be.

 

* Especially considering that it doesn't matter what I was born with as I'm not going to let anyone except myself touch my genitals and breasts anyway, except for police search, medical exams and similarly special occasions. But even in sexuals, the type of genitals doesn't matter all that much for sexual pleasure.

[Janus the Fox]

having no general thought, feeling or behaviour towards any social or personal gender factors, seeing no gender to the self and others, seeing no gender difference to clothing or complete ambivalence towards my own genitals or my born male sex.  I only really know some instances when the gender is more mild fluidity when there is some feeling, thought or behaviour toward masculine and more feminine aspects of the social world or a rejection of genderised norms.

 

Putting it in more physical terms, desiring no genitals for the most part, then fluidly on rare occasions wanting either one of genitals or both in a rare instance, often id like to change clothing or the body to feel non-genderized or having a mixture of both to achieve agenderized gender.

 

Some psychologists put often describe back to me an experience as a hypo-manic/depressive, apparent with such swings in mood, as well mild swings of gender during a high mood and agenderised/non-gender during the majority of time during the depressive norm.

[Guest]

On 16-8-2017 at 7:03 PM, AceAlexa said:

I feel like when God made me, he went to add in my sexuality and gender and then decided... Nah I don't think she needs it.  Haha)

I always say: God created moi and he saw i was fabulous enough without all that gender stuff  

 

On a serious note: I really have no clue on how it feels like but *shrug* i don't think i'd like to know how it feels like anyway.I'm okay with not knowing it at all.

[cinary]

I feel like a human. Not like "not a female, not a male", not like a neutral, not like any gender. It's like I'm a human, what else do you want?

[Zacharie]

I'm neutral. I just like things without judgement or specific purpose. So it happens that those things are girly things or boyish things or neutral things, but is not intentional.

 

I do however like to physically and socially present myself as something specific because of the implications it comes with to be one of the 2 only options available (male-female), and that something is nothing or both (kind of like "yeah just... let me be and don't judge me"). And that has been a main problem for me to define what I like and who am I or where to place myself in when in reality you can't,  because you are outside of any of that. Like an undercovered alien that despite what they might like suddenly has to remember that they are still in a human society with certain rules of presentation, and you have to choose, but at the same time you want to be true to yourself and say "I'm sorry, I cannot choose". You are just being honest.

 

I tend to like more neutral things or agender things because of the same, normally gendered stuff is designed to attract the other and enhance their differences. I don't want that.

[MiraMeyneth]

Huh... You know, I've never really thought about this question. 

 

The best way to describe it is feeling neither male nor female. I got the female parts, but I honestly don't care that they don't exist, and the only time I get reminded I have female reproductive organs is once a month, and even then, It's a biological function and nothing more. I notice I interact with male and female peers the same. I make dick jokes, I poke fun at both males and females, and I don't FEEL feminine or masculine. Just...myself, I guess. I don't consider myself a true female, but neither a true male. I just float somewhere in space. At this point though, I feel as if my whole thing with my gender is most likely linked to my asexuality and my fear of being a sexually attractive person. I always liked wearing whatever suit me that day, whether it was a V-neck and a skirt/leggings combo, or my classic shorts/t-shirt/hoodie. But once I found out people were sexually into feminine clothing, I just lost interest in it. I wear sports bras as much as I can, as I like how they compress my already small chest to be a little smaller. Was never really into generally feminine stuff like makeup or dressing up like a princess, either. Even now I still wear androgynous clothing fairly often. If I wear a shirt that hugs my body or is a female-cut shirt I always pair it with a hoodie and shorts/pants...much to the chargain of my mother, who has much different fashion tastes than I do.

 

Another thing I noticed after reflecting a bit was that as a kid, I remember that gender was never a factor I thought of when I picked my playmates. Due to my interests, (i was a game nerd, even back in grade school, haha) I always loved playing pretend with my friends, and we were characters from our favorite games. But due to the fact so few girls at my grade school played games, I always played with the boys. They didn't care that I was a girl. After a while my parents were worried when I retained that habit through middle school. I guess that helped contribute to my weird gender issues, (which for now I would consider agender, yes) is that as a kid, your biological sex meant nothing whether you could complete a task. So, I think I eventually began to adopt the philosophy of "your gender doesn't mean much in terms of day to day life." Which is probably where I started going down the path of "I don't give a single damn what people call me or think who I am, as not as i'm not sexually attractive."