Lesbian or Gay?

[Shawazu]

I am demiflux, but I was born female, and am attracted to females. Most people just think I'm a female. When I say I'm gay, people get really confused.

 

"You're not a guy, so you're not gay. You're a lesbian."

 

"Only men can be gay. You're lesbian."

 

I've had these things personally said to me.

 

I just prefer not to use the label lesbian, because I feel like it has a lot of masculine stereotypes, and I'm not very masculine, I'm androgynous, leaning towards fem. I know not all lesbians are masculine, but to me, the word lesbian just doesn't fit me. I like the word gay, and identify with the word gay. People I come out to just don't seem to understand that gay could be female or male.

 

I always feel weird identifying as gay because of this, and I don't know what's right anymore.

Help!

[Philip027]

I've never really run into this problem.  "Gay" is usually understood as an opposite of "straight", and both males and females can certainly be straight, so I don't see why both males and females can't also be gay.  I have also seem many females identifying as such (that is, specifically using the term "gay") and nobody ever seemed to bat any eyebrows at them.

 

I think the people saying those things to you are rather behind the times.  That or maybe they are too used to thinking in terms of porn... where from my understanding "gay" and "lesbian" are specific distinctions made so that people know whether the content features males or females before they look at it (which is fair enough; most heterosexual guys don't seem particularly keen on seeing a couple dudes getting it on).  The rest of the world though, usually doesn't follow the distinction quite as strictly... we just understand "gay" as "not straight" and that can apply to either sex.

[Zsareph]

I've always understood gay to refer to anyone attracted to the same gender, never heard anyone say it can only be applied to men.  I've known quite a few women who used "gay", sometimes interchangeably with "lesbian". If other people take issue with you identifying as gay then it's their problem.

[Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet]

I'm with Philip027 here. Who ever are saying these things to you are  rather behind the times.

I've seen lesbian women call themselves gay all the time, and no one says anything at all about what they choose to call themselves.

You can call yourself whatever you want,Shawazu. If you feel the word "gay" fits you perfectly, then by all means call yourself that if you wish.

For those telling you you can't call yourself gay, if you feel the need to, tell them to go take a hike. 

[Puck]

I have many friends who are girls who call themselves gay because they are attracted to women. It's those people saying that you can't, they are confusing the labels, not you.

 

You get to choose the label that you believe fits you best, no one else gets to label you. So, if gay works for you, use gay.

[Guest Deus Ex Infinity]

2 hours ago, Shawazu said:

I am demiflux, but I was born female, and am attracted to females. Most people just think I'm a female. When I say I'm gay, people get really confused.

 

"You're not a guy, so you're not gay. You're a lesbian."

 

"Only men can be gay. You're lesbian."

 

I've had these things personally said to me.

 

I just prefer not to use the label lesbian, because I feel like it has a lot of masculine stereotypes, and I'm not very masculine, I'm androgynous, leaning towards fem. I know not all lesbians are masculine, but to me, the word lesbian just doesn't fit me. I like the word gay, and identify with the word gay. People I come out to just don't seem to understand that gay could be female or male.

 

I always feel weird identifying as gay because of this, and I don't know what's right anymore.

Help!

Just as for a small side note/reminder:

 

Many people in the GLBT community would actually use the term "gay" as some sort of universal/gender neutral (female / male) expression for being homosexual. So I think it's totally ok for you to go with it if it makes you feel more comfortable.

[nanogretchen4]

Before realizing that I'm bisexual I referred to myself as gay or lesbian interchangeably. I usually said gay when I was talking about an issue based on sexual orientation, like gay rights legislation we were trying to promote. I would distinguish between "gay men" and "lesbians" when I needed to discuss gender specific issues within the community.

[Rawrth]

I think it's fine for you to use gay. It's not incorrect. There's nothing wrong with it (: