Do you care if ppl find you attractive?

[waitamin]

Sometimes I feel as though I lead people on. I like to look nice and like when people notice. Sometimes I try to look nice for certain people in particular. That's all normal human behavior, but seeing that I'm finding myself identifying as asexual (somewhere on this spectrum) it seems almost wrong. Feeling bad because if they are interested they won't be for long because of how I am. So I'm wondering if any one else has felt this way before? Or if you even care because you don't want to attract anyone anyways? Maybe I just want the validation...

[BionicPi]

The thought of someone finding me attractive is alien, since I have no clue what that really means.

[debaser]

I'd want someone I'm attracted to to think the same back, but as a general rule, no. I'm much too scruffy to entertain such nonsense in the first place.  

[Starbogen]

I kind of feel like I would like it people generally found me cute. If they found me attractive it would be kind of hard for me to understand why they think that about me but if it was genuine it might be a nice compliment, certainly not something bad. But I would rather be seen as cute and am sort of indifferent about being seen as "attractive". 

[Homer]

Thing is that no matter how you look, there will always be people who happen to be just into that. You can't help people's reactions. People are interested in things they can't have all the time.

 

A lot of people like to be validated every now and then. If someone compliments you on your haircut or a specific piece of clothing that you're wearing, that's just that. "That's a nice shirt, where did you get that from?" would be a compliment and/or validation. Nothing wrong with enjoying them. There's a huge difference between trying to "look good" (whatever that even means) because you like it or trying to look good to trick people into thinking that you're open to something you're not actually open to.

 

That being said, it's highly unlikely that anyone would ever find me physically attractive. I'm not a people person anyway, so I don't care either way.

[Guest]

21 minutes ago, Debaser said:

I'd want someone I'm attracted to to think the same back, but as a general rule, no. I'm much too scruffy to entertain such nonsense in the first place.  

Scruffy is the best way to be

[NerotheReaper]

Depends if I like the person  

[KendraPM]

Yep. Although "attractive" is subjective. There are only three rules of attractiveness that span all cultures and all trace back to health, and there are always going to be people who are the exception to this rule in what they find attractive.

I don't care if I'm the "type" the person I'm attracted to is attracted too, but I like to be found attractive. Basically, if someone finds me attractive, bonus! If they don't, who cares?

[Amathy]

I get very upset when people find me attractive.

[Mermaidy]

I don't care if people find me attractive as much as I care that people don't find me ugly. idk if that made grammatical sense.  but I like looking attractive according to my own tastes also

[Guest Invisible Pumpkin]

30 minutes ago, Debaser said:

I'd want someone I'm attracted to to think the same back, but as a general rule, no. I'm much too scruffy to entertain such nonsense in the first place.  

I kind of go with this too. I wish, very much so, that the person I'm attracted to could find me attractive, however that wouldn't be just a physical thing, I would like them to find the whole me cute and nice enough for them to like back. Apart form that, as long as people aren't  doing weird comments about me, parts of me or about what would they want to do with me, and if they aren't looking at me in weird ways, then I'm fine. 

[BionicPi]

43 minutes ago, BionicPi said:

The thought of someone finding me attractive is alien, since I have no clue what that really means.

I'd like to append to this a discomfort with compliments in general.

[Guest]

If I am attracted to someone, I definitely want them to find me attractive back. Other than that I couldn't care less :3

[Guest]

From experience people who have found me attractive have been those I try to avoid or even have a thing for young looking women. It's made me try less to look good and even make myself as less appealing as possible. 

 

43 minutes ago, Debaser said:

I'd want someone I'm attracted to to think the same back, but as a general rule, no. 

If only it actually happened that way. Lol

[Polygon]

Attractive in the sense that people notice I'm clean, dress well, take care of myself, and have a killer haircut? Sure. 

 

The other case would probably be a lot of unwanted attention, if it's unrequited. 

 

 

[erf]

Depends on the kind of attraction.

[south paw]

I tend to dress more neutral because i don't really want people to notice me like that or feel attracted to me in a sexual way. even if i were interested in someone i wouldn't dress a different way because i don't want them to be interested in me since they likely have sexual attraction. i'd hate to lead people on.

[Ruru+Saphhy=Garnet]

Sure.

But I never worry about it too much.

You can't be beautiful to everyone. Some will find you beautiful, some won't.

 

 

[YamiCake]

I don't hate when people think I'm attractive but I don't love it either. If they are genuinely trying to compliment me and not just cat calling I'll usually say a quick thanks but it still makes me a tad uncomfortable. Friends and family saying it is also ok most of the time... 
I guess I'll put it this way: It's nice that people think I look nice but It's also weird to me. XD

[chair jockey]

The specifics don't matter to me the way the generality does. One of my goals in life is to be entirely self-suficient in terms of relating to other people. That can involve mortifying any need for validation by others that acts up from time to time. I've been working on that off and on, but the social need of life is 4.3 billion years old, far older than eating or sex or seeking shelter or even the survival instinct. I've accepted that, from time to time, I'll need contact with other people in order to stay whole. But needing their validation? There is nothing about myself I'd hate more than needing someone else to validate me.

[Yatogami]

I care that I am attractive, not because I want to be attractive to others... but because when I look at myself in the mirror, I don't want to hate myself. 

 

[tcalypse]

I generally try to dress nicely not to impress, but for manner's sake, and people do find me physically attractive. That does have a negative side though; because I've got more bosom than most people from my part of the world despite being on the slim side, people have tried to "hit on me" before. That used to bother me because I know they're doing so for my physical attributes, not for who I am. I'm used to it now, though. If that happens to you, just use your wits and wrangle yourself out of the situation  

[karnzter]

In all honesty, if someone tells me that I'm attractive (which rarely to seldom to never happens. But, meh.), I start to mentally question myself if am I really attractive at all. I see myself as someone who doesn't mark the boxes of today's so-called 'beauty and social standards'; who has trust, social, societal and commitment issues; a complete cynic with the wish to run away and live in reclusive isolation and isn't easily attracted to guys romantically and sexually. Verbally, I thank them. But with a slight tone of questioning as I'm not sure if it was a compliment or a negative forewarning/flight or fight of some sort.

[Snao Cone]

I want to look at a certain level of attractive in an ambiguously sexual way, I suppose. Validation can feel nice, but it can also feel uncomfortable depending on the person. I think in some ways it helps me feel self-sufficient, to look a certain way that I want to look as the end in itself, rather than a means to attracting someone. I will dress my "sexiest" when I'm at home by myself, just to have my own fun. I want my appearance to have some semblance of character. I'm overweight with bad skin and unruly hair that I keep tied back 95% of the time, but I make something out of that.

 

6 minutes ago, karnzter said:

Verbally, I thank them. But with a slight tone of questioning as I'm not sure if it was a compliment or a negative forewarning/flight or fight of some sort.

I get a little hostile when people compliment me, in a quasi-playful "Oh yeah??? FIGHT ME!" sort of way.

[Amaretti]

I'm always so surprised and confused when someone says I'm attractive. To a degree I like it, it's nice to know I don't look like a garbage person. But at the same time it puts me on edge cause I don't want them to try and flirt with me.

[Moonchaser]

It's perfectly normal to want to look good. I don't think being asexual should keep anyone from caring how they look. 

[Stralen]

Well I think I would be very offended if people think I was ugly! So I suppose yes?? But then again I can't comprehend what if means if other people find me attractive. If they think I have a face that's nice to look at (aesthetically pleasing) and it ends there, which for me is the extent to which I find a person "attractive", then I do care. But if goes beyond that... I get very uncomfortable.

Does that make sense? I'm quite conflicted about this to be honest.

[Gloomy]

I like looking attractive, mostly for myself though. I'm a little vain, so I wouldn't want to find myself ugly. I'm more indifferent to other people finding me attractive as long as they leave me alone and don't ask me out or anything. Just tonight someone told me their friend was checking me out and asked if I was single. Stuff like that is just sort of awkward for me since I don't want to be with anyone, and having social anxiety as it is doesn't really help.

[apatrickwsu]

I care and wish, but I'm not attractive

[J. van Deijck]

well, it's a nice feeling to be seen as aesthetically attractive. I quite enjoy it, and turns out that I actually am, for more people than I thought.

I would never want to be seen as sexually attractive, though. just the thought of it feels quite creepy to me.