Writing an mtf teen (advice from MTF's please?)

[<No longer active>]

So I write fanfiction, and something I've been wanting to write for a while is transgirl!Percy Jackson, partially because I'm writing waay too many transboys already (Seriously, it's a problem. All my characters are turning into guys *facepalm*) and partially because I read somewhere that Poseidon had very few, if any, demigod daughters, and I think this would be an interesting workaround.

 

Obviously, I am not a trans girl. I'm the parallel. I cannot speak for transfeminine experiences. I can give reference to dysphoria in general, and include things that I think fit, but to avoid stereotyping, I'd really like an MTF perspective. (AFAB's and AIAB's, feel free to chime in, but AMAB's will take priority)

 

Percy is twelve. Her puberty has not yet begun. She is unaware that she is a girl, but will begin questioning fairly soon (just after the Lightning Thief, probably). Meanwhile, I need things about dysphoria. What forms did your dysphoria take before you were aware of it? What coping mechanisms did you develop as and before puberty hit? How did being called the wrong pronouns make you feel before you knew why they were wrong? I want everything you can give me for this. I really want her to come across as authentic.

 

thanks guys

 

~rio

[Music & Lyrics]

Omg I'm also writing a mtf teen in a story!

 

I'm cis sorry I can't help too much but there's a really good documentary I watched called 'Growing Up Trans' that formed the bulk of my research tbh.  I'm pretty sure I watched it for free online!

 

Also there's a book called 'George' by Alex Gino about a mtf middle school child.  It's a nice story you can get through in a couple of hours and it's pretty informative. Hope that helps.  Maybe we can look through each other's writing too and see if there's anything that stands out as good or bad representation!

 

Good luck  

[LassieBee]

I too am writing from the point of a trans girl - she's fifteen - but also a trans guy and an afab enby. I'll be paying close attention to this thread. 

[Starbogen]

Huh I'm also writing a story featuring a transfeminine/trans woman character, but she's an adult and already living as female for the most part. Sorry I'm also a trans guy so I also can't offer any advice whatsoever but good luck. 

[Maiflower]

I'm the opposite. I've been writing a lot of trans girls, and now I'm writing a trans guy main character.

 

I'm terrible with advice though, so I have no idea what to say.

[nerdperson777]

I can't really add anything other than what I hear from friends. Also for "AIAB", don't know how common that is, maybe more now without genital mutilation. Actually this is the first time I heard that really. 

[<No longer active>]

@ everyone who's replied so far; great! I love that there's so many LGBT writers in this forum! Link me to your stories! I want to read them all!

 

@nerdperson777 I've only seen it a few times, just wanted to cover all the bases really  , I was just referring to medically intersex folk.

 

my AMAB's, where you at? If you don't wanna post something because you're uncomfortable with it, I won't force you or anything. Please do share something though, even small things can help! 

[ReyGraves]

Hey! Sorry, afab here. But I think either could feel this way about pronouns. Before I figured out what was wrong I felt kinda excluded. Like a resignation to being called female becuase that's what I grew up as but also internally excluding myself from male because I had been assigned female so I couldn't be a guy. So any binary language left me feeling alone. 

 

To show this, maybe have Percy in school or camp and they are separated by gender. Depending how far along she is in her self discovery there could be different reactions. Maybe she can't name it so internally she's just rustrated they have to split up that way and blames the feeling on something else. Maybe it's later and she thinks "I'm not a boy!" and that could lead to more questioning or she was already confident in it. 

 

Maybe in clothes too. Express that Percy likes being neutral as possible because she doesn't yet realize that she's trans. That she's "allowed" to weat female clothes. Just the neutral graphic tees or something. 

 

A certain infatuation with girls? Before I knew what was what, I would stare at guys sometimes. It wasn't an attraction, I was kinda jealous of them. So maybe have Percy be jealous for some reason and having her try it?

 

Have a character comment on her shaggy/long hair and telling her she needs a haircut but Percy really not wanting one? At the time I didn't understand my need to cut my hair short but it made me happy whenever I thought about it and eventually did it. 

 

So yeah, I'm afab but I feel these could work either direction...I'm not entirely sure. Good luck! 

[<No longer active>]

@ReyGraves That was actually really helpful, I didn't think about the separating genders thing, or the staring at girls, or neutral dressing, although I'm fairly sure Percy likes to borrow her mother's scarves.

 

Thanks! 

[Calligraphette_Coe]

On 8/15/2017 at 0:14 PM, rivkael said:

@ everyone who's replied so far; great! I love that there's so many LGBT writers in this forum! Link me to your stories! I want to read them all!

 

@nerdperson777 I've only seen it a few times, just wanted to cover all the bases really  , I was just referring to medically intersex folk.

 

my AMAB's, where you at? If you don't wanna post something because you're uncomfortable with it, I won't force you or anything. Please do share something though, even small things can help! 

It's difficult and uncomfortable, that much is authentic. Between it being the worst time of my life when it should have been the best because of being sexually assaulted and beaten up for being non-gender conforming, it feels sooo much like digging up bones to recall it.

 

They say you should write what you know. But what if all you knew was pain and suffering? Even being #2 scholastically in the class and a member of the Distinguished Honor Society in high school was turned into something bad because of gender. I ended up being scheduled in classes with upper classmen, and that dynamic made the problem even worse. So if I were to sum it all up with brevity?

 

It sucked.

[butterflydreams]

On 8/15/2017 at 0:14 PM, rivkael said:

my AMAB's, where you at? If you don't wanna post something because you're uncomfortable with it, I won't force you or anything. Please do share something though, even small things can help! 

Yeah, I don't really have anything for you. There's kind of a dearth of us on this forum anyway. I'd suggest that everyone's experiences are going to be different. There's a lot of pain in my own story. Not worth sharing. I was never assaulted, but calligraphette's story resonates with me. A lot of people don't know this about me, but I was sexually harassed a lot in high school. Not even for being femme, just being shy and quiet. People would make that sexual and come after me. 

 

Theres a lot of very real risk when it comes to being amab and gnc or trans. I'd argue more risk than gnc afabs typically experience. There's no male tomboy, you know? I think respecting that difference, and not projecting a more typical afab experience would help a story be more realistic. 

[Calligraphette_Coe]

1 hour ago, Hadley167 said:

Yeah, I don't really have anything for you. There's kind of a dearth of us on this forum anyway. I'd suggest that everyone's experiences are going to be different. There's a lot of pain in my own story. Not worth sharing. I was never assaulted, but calligraphette's story resonates with me. A lot of people don't know this about me, but I was sexually harassed a lot in high school. Not even for being femme, just being shy and quiet. People would make that sexual and come after me. 

Et tu? I'd often wondered if it changed between generations and different areas of the country, even as I suspected it didn't.

 

Gym class was the worst! Being small and having to get undressed in a roomful of testosterone superiority complexes was an ever-present night mare. I still have PTSD flares over that one, too.  But it does make me recall something you might want to use, though.

 

Back then, some of us had a nickname for boys that acted out like this. We called the Gears. It was a hip nickname derived from one of the slang words for male genitalia and for people who used what they felt was their birthright status to grind other people up but being unable to see that in the whole scheme of things, they were being manipulated into being useful Cogs. To be used and thrown away.

[butterflydreams]

15 minutes ago, Calligraphette_Coe said:

Et tu? I'd often wondered if it changed between generations and different areas of the country, even as I suspected it didn't.

 

Gym class was the worst! Being small and having to get undressed in a roomful of testosterone superiority complexes was an ever-present night mare. I still have PTSD flares over that one, too.  But it does make me recall something you might want to use, though.

It was shop class for me. My dad made me take it because he didn't think we'd be able to afford college for me, and wanted me to know a good trade. I was really good at it, and fortunately, the teacher looked out for me, but he only saw and stomped out a fraction of it. The most disillusioning part was that a lot of it happened from younger kids when I was a senior. There I was, the older one, and they were still doing this to me. I guess I did have one jerk kid who physically assaulted me below the belt when I was in 5th grade (and I'm not talking about ball kicking or something, more like stabbing). I hated myself because I didn't know what I was doing that made me such a target for these things. The sexual element of it largely faded over the years, but the insults and verbal attacks continued throughout college. 

 

Spoiler

To the point where I felt like I was going to snap. I'm too gentle of a soul to ever hurt another human being, even one's who've done me harm, but I wanted to massively destroy property. I only went to my college graduation ceremony because my parents insisted, and because I felt like if I didn't, it would mean all the assholes had won. I wanted to destroy everything nice about the college, so it would look like how I felt. I wanted to take my car out onto the quad and just floor it until the whole thing was a muddy mess. I wanted to hack into other student's computers and fuck their shit up (I actually did get pretty close to doing this). 

 

I think all of this is why I isolated the crap out of myself for 7 years after college. Just hid myself away from everyone and everything.

 

And it's all because I was playing a role. Running a program I had written, male.exe. I didn't really start running that program until I was 6 or 7. Because I started to get beat down too much just being me. That's why I always hated "just be yourself". Myself gets attacked constantly. I was getting physically attacked as early as 6. If I had had the support, I could've transitioned sooner. And I could've stopped wasting time running a program and spent time being myself instead. All I got instead was punished at home when I lashed out on my siblings and parents, or told to "fight back". Which I eventually did when I was 12. I'll never forget the kid's face as I was on top of him on the ground wailing away on him. Or how my blows immediately went weak as soon as my hands made contact with his face. That's what my parents told me to do. "Hit him in the face and he'll stop the abuse."

 

Sorry @rivkael, I guess this isn't a super optimistic view of what it's like. Unfortunately, I'm AMAB, and it's my truth. I can't offer anything different.

[Calligraphette_Coe]

4 hours ago, Hadley167 said:

 

 

  Reveal hidden contents

To the point where I felt like I was going to snap. I'm too gentle of a soul to ever hurt another human being, even one's who've done me harm, but I wanted to massively destroy property. I only went to my college graduation ceremony because my parents insisted, and because I felt like if I didn't, it would mean all the assholes had won. I wanted to destroy everything nice about the college, so it would look like how I felt. I wanted to take my car out onto the quad and just floor it until the whole thing was a muddy mess. I wanted to hack into other student's computers and fuck their shit up (I actually did get pretty close to doing this). 

 

I think all of this is why I isolated the crap out of myself for 7 years after college. Just hid myself away from everyone and everything.

 

And it's all because I was playing a role. Running a program I had written, male.exe. I didn't really start running that program until I was 6 or 7. Because I started to get beat down too much just being me. That's why I always hated "just be yourself". Myself gets attacked constantly. I was getting physically attacked as early as 6. If I had had the support, I could've transitioned sooner. And I could've stopped wasting time running a program and spent time being myself instead. All I got instead was punished at home when I lashed out on my siblings and parents, or told to "fight back". Which I eventually did when I was 12. I'll never forget the kid's face as I was on top of him on the ground wailing away on him. Or how my blows immediately went weak as soon as my hands made contact with his face. That's what my parents told me to do. "Hit him in the face and he'll stop the abuse."

 

Sorry @rivkael, I guess this isn't a super optimistic view of what it's like. Unfortunately, I'm AMAB, and it's my truth. I can't offer anything different.

I think I was about 16 when I reached the point you mention in your spoiler, when I  used a judo throw to break my attacker's collar bone. I didn't do it out of malice, I just wanted him to stop roughing me up. It didn't stop the verbal abuse, but the people who thought it was open season on me backed off the violence somewhat after that.

[binary suns]

17 hours ago, Calligraphette_Coe said:

They say you should write what you know. But what if all you knew was pain and suffering?

write poetry or songs hehe. or paint. they say those who suffer are the most inspired...

[binary suns]

well - remember that not everyone is the same really. you could probably just think about some of the things your transguys were like, and reflect that in the "feminine" counterpart, right? and pick and choose from the traits/events/etc that you know about. don't try to make them like all of us - or even exactly alike us either. change it up a bit - use our examples to inspire what it is like for your transgirl.

 

 

 

honestly, most of the things I've felt, they didn't start to be felt until after puberty, like 16-20.  and in college.

 

the only thing I can really say is - that I've always sorta felt uncomfortable with the other boys, 'cause they just seemed so weird to me. rowdy and mean, into things I wasn't. and likewise, I was always more interested in other girls, especially my sister, I wanted to relate to them, spend time with them and be friends. But really - the latter started to emerge in high school slowly, or by admiring my sister's friends, not before. I actually associated it with attraction in highschool and college - which, I am attracted to girls - so I opened up to it, embracing my interest in girls. of course I never really talked with any of my crushes lol - I avoided them. but my favorite friends were all girls lol xD especially this one bad-ass girl, who wore combat boots and was totally cool. not with an attitude like - like rebellious, but with an attitude like - she knew what she wanted, who she was, and what she liked, and was confident with herself for those things. And - I could always tell I liked her a lot. but, I was confused because, it was definitely not a crush. I didn't want to date her or anything - but I really liked her! it made no sense to me. before high school tho - except one of my friends in 2nd to 4th grade - I mostly had male friends, so I didn't have many chances to really think about how alike I was to girls, but instead how unlike I was to guys. that was on my mind often. Not - "I don't feel like a guy" but rather, "man I really don't get these guys, what's so cool about football?"

 

 

in 6th grade, there were two sportsy competitive jokers in my class, guys, a class of 9 - and 2 geeky, quiet, friendly guys. and 1 who was teased a lot by everyone... and I was always finding myself associated with the 5 guys, but felt kinda uncomfortable and wanting to not really hang out with them. there were 2 booksmart girls - and I wanted to be more like them. they were interested in subjects and smart, and I really identified with that. (so it's not really a "gender" thing) but I'd see them hanging out and talking in the playground, and would wonder what they were talking about. but, well, as one of the annoying boys, they'd generally avoid me during any free period, and in any group assignment would look to be with other girls while the other boys (the geeky ones) would request my grouping with them. one of them was especially booksmart come to think of it actually - and I didn't actually notice that about him, lol. and now that I say that - tbh - that's kinda always been what I've said was the thing that most made me feel like I AM trans - I mean  to affirm it, not to come to its hypothesis, there are other things that were that - but it's always been the thing about social life for me, that I see girls hanging out doing something, I want to be apart of it. but I don't notice the boys hanging out to do something. Of course, this trait of mine is reinforced by also being attracted to girls and not boys - but for the most part, discounting my attraction entirely, I wanted to be with the girls. But, well, I didn't really make that much effort - sometimes I'd do it - but I wasn't really conscious of it at all - only to admire people from a distance. it really was looking back that I took noticing it, about mid-college, to actually acknowledge that I wanted to be friends with so many of the girls I'd meet over the years. and at that time I didn't associate it with being trans - I didn't realize I was trans until 23 or 24.

 

 

 

 

the other things that I really noticed as a teen were more private things - things I don't really think would naturally fit into a story. like... dressing up in my sister's clothes that I stole when in private... if I were a character in a story, despite that being a part of who I was, it would be strangely intimate to reveal that in any way really. it would clash with who I am. maybe there's some clever way a writer could allude to that part of me, but to directly mention it would be weird.

 

or- in college, I'd start to notice my chest in a way that didn't make much sense. than one time there was a joke about... i forget the joke really.. but I replied in kind by joking about my massive boobs. and then I realized - well, that weird feeling is kinda like I got boobs lol! I didn't really think, "I should have boobs" tho, only. "it is like as if I've got boobs lol" but - really - I couldn't know what it feels like to have boobs. even tho having (my small and growing) boobs now -I don't feel anything like that sensation. but - I've stopped having that sensation entirely.

 

For a while the two years before and after I found out I was trans - I'd wake up in the morning every once in a while, and sit up. and suddenly I was aware of my lack of boobs - for a split second before remembering I don't got any lol! I wasn't like.. thinking I had them before I noticed the lack of them of course. but in sitting up - there was no shifting of weight on my chest. and the lack of that was what I noticed - surprised to wonder where my boobs are - oh lol, why would I have boobs xD now I don't get that anymore. I got boobs. they don't shift around yet tho lol.. but if I wonder where they are, well, they're there. no feeling of missing them anymore.

 

and oddly - my boobs don't really feel like anything yet. sometimes my nipples are sore lol.. but I don't exactly sense my boobs, maybe they are too small. but at the same time - I no longer feel the lack of them - odd right? lol.

 

 

but anyway - those more personal things, things I wouldn't really naturally bring up in conversation except in talking about what it is like being trans - those more personal, private things are what really "Tell" me that I am trans - what inspires that hypothesis. it is then, the things that I look back and notice - or look to the now and notice still a part of me - that confirm the hypothesis. So - it's kinda hard to really give any examples that I really feel you could use - and, I'd certainly be uncomfortable if you "Stole" who I was lol

 

 

 

oh wait - the one thing that I really noticed that would probably be mentioned in a story about me - well I liked playing role play with my friends. in grade school my 3 friends and I would play dnd all the time - well not the kind with paper and shit, we'd just our one friend would always make up the story, and the other three of us would make decisions. and we'd find a character and be them. I enjoyed that. in high school, no longer having this outlet for my creativity, I'd start to have daydreams - and I joined the DND club, where there WAS paper and shit. and there were videogames too - pokemon, rpg's, etc. I'd quite often select female characters or think up female characters - or have a daydream involving gender bending in some way, like I saw in ranma 1/2 so it inspired me - magic, science, etc. to be a woman. my pokemon were always female if I could help it - I'd reset the game 20+ times to make sure my starter was female lol. when they started to let you choose the gender of your character - I'd choose to be a girl. in fire emblem, my favorite characters were always girls or women. in Golden sun, I really admired the red-haired girl, whatshername, and I liked mia - tho more like a crush - and sheba was my favorite. but the male characters? I didn't really like them. well - as felix wasn't really with much character, no dialogue, since he was supposed to be "you" I identified with him in the story - but I would play felix, jenna, sheba, and mia as my team - I didn't like piers or ivan or garet. sometimes I'd use isaac 'cause one of my friends had that name.

 

so - if I had a chance to role play a girl, I'd usually role play a girl. or to have a girl on my team in some way. lol - well this was lateron, as it's come out three years ago - but when I played through fire emblem fates for the first time. half way into it I suddenly realised - I had 8 girls on my team and only 1 guy xD I wasn't even consiously doing it.

[binary suns]

I wasn't really ever sexually harrassed. there were playful teasing in some settings, and flirting in most parts of my life. but - the harrassment I got was.. it wasn't sexual harrassment, it was other kinds of harrassment.