arpena Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 so I only have asked 2 girls out in my life and after they both rejected me in a very hard way. I have lost all interest in getting married or having a relationship am I asexual Quote Link to post Share on other sites
chair jockey Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 Nobody here can tell you that you're not asexual. It's against the Terms of Service. And it makes no sense to do so anyway, because only you can know what your identity is. If you feel that identifying as asexual fits you right now, nobody can stop you from doing so. Sure, people might argue with you if you tell them about it, but your identity is your identity whether you disclose it to others or not. "Coming out" is a completely separate topic from how you identify. What I will say is that some members here, including me, believe that orientations can be fluid. That means a person can be asexual for part of their life and not asexual for another part of their life. I don't know whether anyone knows how or why orientations can flow, but it appears that, for at least some people, they do. So don't feel that identifying as asexual right now necessarily means you're locked into identifying that way for the rest of your life. Something else that I personally see as a pitfall is the tail wagging the dog. Your orientation is your asset, as opposed to you being your orientation's asset. If you find yourself experiencing sexual attraction to someone, I wouldn't advise you to repress or deny it because it goes against how you identify. Self-knowledge is very difficult to attain but is one of the most valuable things a person can have, and self-knowledge is possible only with self-honesty. Whatever you really feel, however you really are, is what really is. You can wish it were different, but that doesn't make it BE different. What has been found to work is to accept your own reality and go with it. (Although in the case of mental health issues that becomes a very complicated issue, those don't appear to be relevant here.) Best of success to you. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JDP Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 Having been rejected several times, myself, I would probably say yes, You'll know for sure when you have sex with someone that obviously doesn't reject you, and it doesn't make any difference, because you still feel either bad or you feel nothing at all. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
erf Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 As somebody who has never been rejected or has never even asked anybody I would say it can. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
chair jockey Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 10 minutes ago, asexjoe said: Having been rejected several times, myself, I would probably say yes, You'll know for sure when you have sex with someone that obviously doesn't reject you, and it doesn't make any difference, because you still feel either bad or you feel nothing at all. "Sex is like shoveling snow." -- quoting myself here. Thanks for echoing my experience. Definitely a way to tell you're asexual if it keeps happening over and over again. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JDP Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 8 minutes ago, chair jockey said: "Sex is like shoveling snow." -- quoting myself here. Thanks for echoing my experience. Definitely a way to tell you're asexual if it keeps happening over and over again. Yes, indeed, and you're welcome. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Nanoic Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 Getting rejected can't change your sexual orientation but it can put you off relationships for a while. 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Busrider Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 "Yes", to answer your headline. But I can't answer your 2nd question. - Somebody could be sexual and aromantic, say: "I have lost all interest in getting married or having a relationship" and get their sex outside relationships. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Moonchaser Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 There are some definitions of asexuality, which you might want to read. I would wouldn't think that rejection alone could make someone ace, though that doesn't mean you're not asexual. Welcome, and I hope you can find the answer that feels right to you. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mermaidy Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 What's described in the OP is not asexuality (the sexual orientation). Sexual orientation cannot be changed, otherwise conversion therapies would work. Not wanting to marry or be in a relationship has nothing to do with asexuality. Plenty of non-asexuals do not want to marry or have relationships. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
krystal_muzik Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 IMO, sexuality is inborn. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 No, it can't. It can make you sad, angry, or not want to try to have sex or a relationship. But asexuality is not caused by any of that; it simply exists. I've been asexual all my life, and I haven't been rejected; in fact, I was married, and am still in a long relationship. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 Relationship discouragement is not the same thing as being asexual, or else we would number way more than 1%. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 7 minutes ago, Philip027 said: Relationship discouragement is not the same thing as being asexual, or else we would number way more than 1%. Yup -- every sexual I've ever known as experienced rejection at some point. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
doggalogga Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 I have been rejected, but I was rejected even when I knew I was, "different..." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Laplace Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 While I can't say whether you're asexual or not (that's something that you must decide for yourself), I feel like rejection cannot change your inherent nature. It may have awoken you to the possibility that you may be asexual, but rejection can also make you bitter and depressed which can lead you to consider relationships as exercises in futility. Sorry that you had to endure not one but two harsh rejections ☹️. If you truly feel like you are asexual, you are welcome to identify as such. But, if your feelings stem more from the lingering pain of rejection, consider giving yourself some time to move on. Many people get shut down over their life, but if you persevere (and you're a good person 😇) I'm sure someone will reciprocate your feelings. Don't give up! ☝️😠 However you feel, we'll always be here. 🎂🙂 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rhaenys Posted August 14, 2017 Share Posted August 14, 2017 You can be hurt and not want to date thanks to rejection but that's not asexuality. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
krystal_muzik Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 I have never been rejected by someone I desired a relationship with. I have been pursued (at times aggressively too) and I am still asexual. I don't think it can be caused by trauma like not being wanted. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Apathetic Echidna Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 oh I remember seeing a word that might clear some stuff up...(actually it doesn't really) Acosexual – A person whose negative experiences with sex has alienated them from their allo-romanticism so doesn't fit exactly what you were saying, I am assuming you weren't asking the girls out duringsex . But losing interest in relationships and marriage has more to do with being on the aromantic scale, or being alienated from your previous desires and attractions for romantic connections....which I guess shoves you onto the aro spectrum somewhere possibly temporarily.... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 Most would look elsewhere and continuing looking for what they want in life. Some may say its a defeatist attitude or going through a slump or a depression to something that needs to put in a heck of a lot of work in like looking for jobs. There's too little to the story from just 2 sentences. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Acing It Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 can rejection make you asexual I don't think so. Rejection doesn't change your sexual orientation. If you're straight and everyone of the opposite sex rejects you, you don't suddenly become interested in people of the same sex. You may be put of from having a relationship for a while and you may be put off from having sex or have no sexual feelings for a while, but this is the same as asexuality just as much as celibacy is the same as asexuality, or total lack of libido is the same as asexuality. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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