Titchwithpitch

Recurring themes

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Titchwithpitch   
Titchwithpitch

Here I am again, I don't know if I have posted this particular one in the right place. So please forgive me if that's the case. This feeling of loving someone so much with everything I have and really wanting to make compromises. I REALLY am trying. I'm not able to at all. Even my level of affection is becoming a huge problem. Maybe it is because I'm actually properly coming to terms with things and its exhausting me. I don't want to hurt him because I love him so much but no matter what I say, I can see it and feel it that I'm making him feel unwanted. I'm just so drained and I don't have the energy  to deal with this stuff right now. But it's not that I would ever want him to go anywhere. maybe that makes me selfish.

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Retrobot   
Retrobot

Have you considered consulting a couple's therapist?

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Confused.Kitten   
Confused.Kitten

Could you be more specific? What are the problems, maybe we can help

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Titchwithpitch   
Titchwithpitch
4 hours ago, Retrobot said:

Have you considered consulting a couple's therapist?

There is no way he will agree to that. I brought it up in conversation in a way that didn't hint at us and he makes comments about how he would never do something like that. To be honest he is really great and understanding. It's me that's the issue.  Maybe I should bring it up when I start my counselling sessions.

 

3 hours ago, Confused.Kitten said:

Could you be more specific? What are the problems, maybe we can help

I'm having issues making compromises in regards to the sexual aspect of your relationship. I'm really trying but it just isn't working and the thing is I can't blame him for how he feels or for wanting stuff. He even agreed to back off on the actual sex bit for a while and I can't even do the other stuff we agreed on :/. It's just me and my fault.

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Amber79   
Amber79

I think you should stop using the words 'my fault'and 'it's me that's the issue'. It's not your fault, you're ace and that means all areas of sexuality can be difficult. Sometimes it's possible to compromise, but sometimes it isn't, that doesn't mean you're at fault in any way. Forcing yourself to do something you really don't want to sexually isn't healthy and could make things even harder for you. Perhaps you're feeling too pressured at the moment, that may be blocking you from feeling comfotable enough to try things. I'm not just talking about the pressure he's applying either, but also the pressure you're applying to yourself too. Many times I've found myself telling me that 'I need to', 'I must', 'I'm the one that's wrong'. It doesn't help you or the relationship when that happens, it tends to make it harder to show any affection physically, as you become hyper aware of all actions which may be read as sexual by your partner. 

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Confused.Kitten   
Confused.Kitten

You shouldn't  have an agreement bout what you are supposed to do... sex is harder for us . But that's okay!

Keep in mind that you dont have to do nothing. He will surely understand, it might hurt him but as far as you love him and he loves you , he will stay.

 

You need to calm down. Stop this pressure you put into yourself! Everything will be alright , if you take a deep breath and follow your heart. 

If you feel you wanna get intimate , do it. If it's just something to be anxious of, don't. Once it's done it cant be undone

 

Ive been in dat position too... just, don't think. I mean it

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Titchwithpitch   
Titchwithpitch
11 hours ago, Amber79 said:

I think you should stop using the words 'my fault'and 'it's me that's the issue'. It's not your fault, you're ace and that means all areas of sexuality can be difficult. Sometimes it's possible to compromise, but sometimes it isn't, that doesn't mean you're at fault in any way. Forcing yourself to do something you really don't want to sexually isn't healthy and could make things even harder for you. Perhaps you're feeling too pressured at the moment, that may be blocking you from feeling comfotable enough to try things. I'm not just talking about the pressure he's applying either, but also the pressure you're applying to yourself too. Many times I've found myself telling me that 'I need to', 'I must', 'I'm the one that's wrong'. It doesn't help you or the relationship when that happens, it tends to make it harder to show any affection physically, as you become hyper aware of all actions which may be read as sexual by your partner. 

Seeing his eyes when I say no or if I pull away  from a  kiss because I just can't handle any affection either from him or to him. Its devastating. He means so much to me and honestly I do feel like I am the one breaking his heart.

 

10 hours ago, Confused.Kitten said:

You shouldn't  have an agreement bout what you are supposed to do... sex is harder for us . 

Surely that's how you begin to compromise? We agreed on no actual sex for now but to try other things.

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