vmdraco

Yet another "am I ace???" thread

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vmdraco   
vmdraco

I've been questioning for a little while lately.  But I know there is a difference between being a sexual being and just not engaging in it often because of other factors, or if I actually am on the ace spectrum.

 

What I do notice though is that, even when I'm with potential romantic partners or someone I'm interested in, I desire sexual attraction and romantic attraction.  However when I want to engage in it, I feel... awkward.  And just not comfortable with it at all.  I know when I have feelings for someone, and feel the desire for it, but when it comes down to it I feel very strange and uncertain of the attraction and what I want from it, if that makes sense.  I do fantasize about touching intimate parts of someone, especially on women and less so on men.

 

I've only had one boyfriend, and to be honest even though I knew I was attracted to him sexually and romantically (at the bare minimum, I admit), whenever he wanted to kiss me on the lips or cuddle with me I have always felt very, very weird about it and refused to let him kiss me on the lips and only the cheek or neck.  It could have just been because our relationship was new, and it didn't last a while due to outside circumstances, but I notice it as a pattern in my life to avoid romantic or possibly sexual involvements because I felt strange about engaging in it.  As a side note, when I was with my first boyfriend I identified as a cis female/non-binaryish/questioning if that makes a difference.  In other situations, when I liked someone, I had the urge to be with them physically but also not engage in the sexual act because I was terrified of being sexually involved.  I've gotten close to feeling that way only twice in my whole 23 years, but other than that?  Nothing.  Which is why I am questioning if I am actually pansexual

 

A possible factor could be due to my dysphoria and if I was comfortable in my body I'd be more open to sharing it with someone, or be more confident in my skin so I can give more.  But right now I don't feel like I can give, if that makes sense.  Like I have no interest to give in that way.  Maybe by stating this I'm answering my own questions, but I'm curious if this is something that someone has experienced?  imo I'm possibly grey-ace or just a sexual person with a low drive, but I can't decide or understand which is which.  I've mentioned in the past that I used to consider myself a grey-ace and I'm starting to question again on whether or not that's true for me overall.  I do have other asexual friends in RL and they don't want sex whatsoever so I can't really relate or compare us to form a complete understanding.  I appreciate any advice or input :)

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roland.o   
roland.o

Could you be lithsexual? More attracted to the idea than to the act? Or are you feeling sensual attraction rather than sexual attraction?

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vmdraco   
vmdraco
8 hours ago, roland.o said:

Could you be lithsexual? More attracted to the idea than to the act? Or are you feeling sensual attraction rather than sexual attraction?

Hmm that's the kicker, because I don't have a lot of experience so it's hard to tell.  I do think it's sexual attraction to some extent, but it's only occurring with people that I became good friends with, so when I developed feelings for them I had intense feelings of wanting something more physically.  But it never extended to wanting sex of any kind, it was mostly romantic and wanting to "pet".  In the way I'm describing it, it sounds like demisexual.  I've only had like 3 or 4 crushes in my entire life, and usually it's with someone I've gotten to know well with the exception of one, who I didn't know at all and just felt intense sexual/sensual desire for ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

 

I do however feel romantic attraction to someone more than I do about sex or being interested in sex.  I consider sex a "think about it later and focus on the relationship" thing.  Perhaps I'm just a prude lmao   

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Pramana   
Pramana

It is common for people to develop romantic/sexual attraction that grows out of friendship relationships. In that respect, you could meet the definitions of demiromantic and demisexual if that is the only way you experience those forms of attraction. Beyond that, I gather from your story that even where you've develop romantic/sexual attractions, you find that there are other factors preventing you from wanting to be sexual. That is kind of similar to my experience as a sex-repulsed gray-asexual person, who experiences low levels of sexual attraction/desire in combination with strong feelings of sex-repulsion. However, sex-repulsion involves a sense of disgust or sensitivity to sex as an awkward and off-putting activity, and tends to be something people are aware of long before they ever get to a particular sexual encounter. Therefore, I'm not sure if that would describe your experience, but there may be another explanation for why you find it difficult to go through with sexual opportunities. You mentioned that body dysphoria could be part of the explanation, and it seems to me that is a distinct possibility, although it is hard to really say.

I hope this information is useful, and I wish you the best of luck!

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zucca   
zucca

When you imagine an ideal world or ideal relationship, where your mind and body are exactly the way you want them to be, what do you imagine? Do you imagine yourself feeling safe and confident and enjoying having great sex with your partner?

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