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Zackaroni72

Do I belong here?

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Zackaroni72

Hi, I'm new here and just trying to get my bearings straight.

My name is Zack, I use male pronouns. I'm 19, turning 20 soon, and I've identified as straight my whole life. Only recently has sex become a part of any of my relationships and it's made things a lot more complicated.

I'm starting to realize that I don't experience sexual attraction, or at least not conventionally. Sex is exciting due to intimacy, but it feels a bit like a chore regardless and completely alien and nigh-unenjoyable with a stranger. Oftentimes it feels almost repulsive. So I've been in a bit of an identity crisis trying to figure out where I land on the spectrum of sexuality. I relate pretty heavily to gray asexuality but am still learning what that means. I understand that there is no such thing as a "true asexual" but nevertheless I'm scared of adopting an identity that I don't really belong to. I'm also trying really hard not to overanalyze this but that's a bit in my nature. I was hoping someone could help me try and figure this out or give me some tips. I'm happy to provide any other information about myself. Thanks in advance.

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Flower Boy

Hiya! ^_^

Even if you decide 'asexual' doesn't fit you you're still welcome here.

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chair jockey

AVEN doesn't exclude anyone who abides by the ToS. Being here can be of benefit to all kinds of people, including those who don't identify as asexual. There are such members and some have been regular members for years.

 

But in practice, cismales have always been a minority on AVEN and always will be, and you could end up having some of the standard issues that every minority experiences wherever it is a minority. The fact that AVEN's majorities are themselves minorities in the larger worlds doesn't always teach people the valuable lessons it should. To some extent all majorities will always behave like majorities wherever they happen to be majorities, even if they're minorities in a different context.

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Dancer23

Hi Zack, welcome! No matter what you decide, there's a space for you here, and it seems like a great place to ask questions. It's completely up to you whether you adopt asexuality as part of your identity but I will say that no-one but you has the right to decide whether you 'belong' on the ace spectrum. If identifying as ace, grey-ace, etc is helpful to you at the moment, then great. If not, or if that changes in the future, that's also great. It can be complicated and confusing, but whatever label, word or combination thereof you settle on to describe your orientation is just a shorthand to describe you and your experience of the world. At least that's my take on it!

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ThinkNotVanilla

Hi @Zackaroni72,

Welcome to AVEN!

 

Well, I was only a year or two older than you when I had exactly the same experience/realisation - before which I'd had a fair amount of 'normal' relationships and sex hadn't bothered me too much. Then it suddenly became an issue. I can't explain why, but it has stuck.

 

I identified as gray asexual, however I'm still working out my exact flavour. It was a massive relief to realise I wasn't totally disconnected from the world, and that there were other folks that felt the same way as me, for that reason the AVEN community is my stabiliser. You don't need to justify yourself here; you're just accepted.

 

I'd recommend finding a local meetup and see how it goes. :)

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scarletlatitude

Of course you belong here! AVEN is for everyone, whether you are asexual or not, or even if you don't know for sure. I've been here a few years and I'm sure I've changed my labels at least 20 times. No worries. We all figure it out as we go along. :)

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roland.o

I can't believe that nobody has offered you cake yet! Please have some... :cake: and another... :cake:

 

Don't put pressure on yourself to find the right labels. They're just words. Your feelings are important. You're not adopting an identity if you choose labels. You're just picking words to describe how you feel. And you can pick better words whenever you learn more about yourself, or when you encounter new feelings, or new words, or just for the heck of it :-)

 

While you're reading up on gray asexuality, have a look at demisexuality as well.

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Laplace

Hey, welcome 👋🙂🎂. I'm a 23 y.o. aro ace guy, so I know a bit of the struggle. Since I've always been rather disinterested in sex and romance even from a young age, it was easy for me to accept asexuality. I've never dated or had sex, and I've never had any pressing desire for either. Of course, that doesn't prevent people from being judgmental about me being a dude that doesn't care about romance/sex; it's treated almost as blasphemy these days 😕😑. Hopefully the site helps you sort out how you feel, whether or not you end up identifying as ace or not. 

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